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My Time Working at Stripe

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Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#231

Post by nunez »

eddd-ddde wrote: post #173
mndgs wrote: post #118

Sorry for a probably unpopular opinion here, and let me generalize a bit: Gen Z all the way... (Saying this makes me feel a bit old, I guess I'm certainly am than the author). On a serious note, in my book there are hints of perfectionism right from the start of the story (fonts dimming, wait 30 sec to join the meeting..). And too much fragility in personal attidudes. S/he is probably a relatively young idealistic pe…

Everything in life needs a healthy amount of "fuck it" attitude. The second I learnt this and started living by it my happiness shot up and my anxiety went down. Who cares if you mess up, you have to stop living by your ideas of other people's ideas of you.

I agree, but many people in this world are raised by parents for whom "fuck it" is not an option. Escaping that kind of environment is very difficult.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#232

Post by SoftTalker »

soneca wrote: post #42
DeathArrow wrote: post #31

>he asked the team, “for this meeting I’d like us to try and introduce ourselves a little differently. If you’re comfortable, I’d like us to try and be 10% more vulnerable than we normally would in a work setting.” I remember feeling a mix of anxiety and excitement rise in my chest. I sat pondering what I would share. I decided to go for more than 10%. I shared about how my marriage had almost collapsed a couple year…

Well, the manager asked only for “10% more vulnerable”. That seems pretty far from “being forced into group therapy” in my perception. It was the author and colleagues that decided to overstate, and seemingly did not regret. Groups of humans sometimes have connections like these, whatever the environment they are in. I am sure other similar meeting with the same prompt only generated people saying they have two cats,…

"I think your question is overly invasive and inappropriate in a professional work setting, and I'm not going to answer it."

Is that more than 10%?

Another option would be what Norm Macdonald did when Larry King asked him "what's something nobody knows about you" and he answered "I'm a deeply closeted homosexual." Just go over the top.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#233

Post by insane_dreamer »

DeathArrow wrote: post #31

>he asked the team, “for this meeting I’d like us to try and introduce ourselves a little differently. If you’re comfortable, I’d like us to try and be 10% more vulnerable than we normally would in a work setting.” I remember feeling a mix of anxiety and excitement rise in my chest. I sat pondering what I would share. I decided to go for more than 10%. I shared about how my marriage had almost collapsed a couple year…

I think the better approach would be for the manager to share something themselves, to demonstrate that a bit of vulnerability is okay, but not even ask if anyone else wants to say anything and certainly not make people feel they should. In other words lead by example so that if someone feels like they want to open up they can and their manager will be supportive.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#234

Post by ta_1138 »

DeathArrow wrote: post #40

I think the author had unrealistic expectations from working at a large company. He expected doing something meaningful that will change the world. He expected to be applauded like a hero for his efforts. But things don't work like that. If you work your ass out, don't expect more than a pat on the back. Managers won't care about your efforts, your mental state or your sleepless nights. They care about looking good i…

This story of his would have fir just fine in a much smaller Stripe, back when you could actually know everyone, and Patrick interviewed every programmer. A time where making a difference wasn't all that hard, as everyone fit in one cafeteria in the Mission.

It was always a pretty competitive place, with a lot of smart people working a lot of hours, and a culture of attention to detail that left many people with impostor syndrome. There were pretty good expectations of being nice to each other: No infrastructure team giving your request the cold shoulder, because that was just not OK. So people working really hard and burning out to try to meet every growing expectations was common.

The post also had the other weakness of the culture: A lot of management changes, along with a culture of performance among managers that would be fit for Amazon. So a manager might change teams, and the person that used to get exceed expectations would end up with a PIP with the next manager, often by surprise. You can imagine what it does to morale to tell someone how they are the most helpful person they've worked with, and then see them gone two weeks later. It was a great place to work in many ways, but the negative parts took their toll.

So, if anything, the story showed me that even though it's been many years, a lot of Stripe is still recognizable.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#235

Post by insane_dreamer »

wkjagt wrote: post #84
DeathArrow wrote: post #31

>he asked the team, “for this meeting I’d like us to try and introduce ourselves a little differently. If you’re comfortable, I’d like us to try and be 10% more vulnerable than we normally would in a work setting.” I remember feeling a mix of anxiety and excitement rise in my chest. I sat pondering what I would share. I decided to go for more than 10%. I shared about how my marriage had almost collapsed a couple year…

Post: "If you’re comfortable, I’d like us to try and be 10% more vulnerable" This comment: "I'd rather not have my manager forcing me to do group therapy." How did "if you’re comfortable" become "forcing me", and "try and be 10% more vulnerable" become "group therapy"?

A suggestion like that can some across as not optional. See the famous “wear bling” scene in Office Space.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#236

Post by kyleee »

dabeeeenster wrote: post #110
DeathArrow wrote: post #31

>he asked the team, “for this meeting I’d like us to try and introduce ourselves a little differently. If you’re comfortable, I’d like us to try and be 10% more vulnerable than we normally would in a work setting.” I remember feeling a mix of anxiety and excitement rise in my chest. I sat pondering what I would share. I decided to go for more than 10%. I shared about how my marriage had almost collapsed a couple year…

If you did this in the UK you can be guaranteed a meeting with HR. Absolutely mind blowing.

A meeting with HR too, talk about adding insult to injury

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#237

Post by twelve40 »

hhh wrote: post #207
dymk wrote: post #187

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A manager asking you to do something is never “just” an optional request

They absolutely can be. You can push back against your manager.

Still, you'd rather save your push back privileges - which come with a cost - for something actually important and work-related. Not for random crap like that, being put on the spot randomly in a personal way.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#238

Post by waitasec »

mndgs wrote: post #118

Sorry for a probably unpopular opinion here, and let me generalize a bit: Gen Z all the way... (Saying this makes me feel a bit old, I guess I'm certainly am than the author). On a serious note, in my book there are hints of perfectionism right from the start of the story (fonts dimming, wait 30 sec to join the meeting..). And too much fragility in personal attidudes. S/he is probably a relatively young idealistic pe…

No need to generalize, or assume.

> I’d already had a successful career as a software engineer for the better part of a decade.

OP's resume suggests they've been a professional engineer for over a decade.

I agree with your points about perfectionism and idealism, but they are not isolated to Gen Z.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#239

Post by aaronbrethorst »

DeathArrow wrote: post #31

>he asked the team, “for this meeting I’d like us to try and introduce ourselves a little differently. If you’re comfortable, I’d like us to try and be 10% more vulnerable than we normally would in a work setting.” I remember feeling a mix of anxiety and excitement rise in my chest. I sat pondering what I would share. I decided to go for more than 10%. I shared about how my marriage had almost collapsed a couple year…

10% more vulnerable? Ok, I’ll make up a story about how some weekends I keep working because I love this job and team so danged much!

A team isn’t a family. A company isn’t a family.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#240

Post by c0balt »

whatshisface wrote: post #221
Tainnor wrote: post #159

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> no matter how trendy the culture is about being “open” I've noticed this trend in recent years to be "open about mental health", etc. And I think by itself this is great, mental health is important. But invariably, especially in management/HR settings (or in the entertainment industry), it is done in an incredibly shallow way. Mental health is hard. Just talking openly isn't magically going to fix things and may ev…

"I used to have anxiety over being a good developer, but then I realized that it was about hitting story points, not learning Rust. Now I deliver business value regularly and have been able to cancel my appointments with my therapist." "Being on-call 24/7 helps me feel like I'm a part of something, fulfilling a deep want for belonging that being kicked off the Girl Scout troop created in me." "I've always lacked a fa…

That reminds me heavily of krazams's "I Have Delivered Value... But At What Cost?", https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DYvhC_RdIwQ
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