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Ask HN: Did anyone else lose their marbles?

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Re: Ask HN: Did anyone else lose their marbles?

#231

Post by tpoacher »

exikyut wrote: post #164
tpoacher wrote: post #127

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"as far as work IS CONCERNED" sorry, pet peeve of mine. usually I have a bit of a controlled inner "aaarrgh" moment and then move past it, but I'm in a foul mood today (hence clicking on this thread) so it couldn't be helped. I'm sorry I'm sorry.

Eh, I didn't even notice. I think my brain autocorrected it to "as for work, ...".

I envy you. Once you start noticing it, it's everywhere.

The bit that pisses me off the most is that this will predictably get included as a legitimate phrase in dictionaries very soon, on account of all the abuse, much like "comprises of" and "irregardless".

Don't get me started on "codes" ...

Re: Ask HN: Did anyone else lose their marbles?

#232

Post by tpoacher »

John23832 wrote: post #130
tpoacher wrote: post #127

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"as far as work IS CONCERNED" sorry, pet peeve of mine. usually I have a bit of a controlled inner "aaarrgh" moment and then move past it, but I'm in a foul mood today (hence clicking on this thread) so it couldn't be helped. I'm sorry I'm sorry.

Eh. As far as my typing, I type as I speak. :)

No worries. As far as I, we're ok. :)

Re: Ask HN: Did anyone else lose their marbles?

#233

Post by jayski »

suranyami wrote: post #100
INTPenis wrote: post #67

I've just become completely lethargic lately. And there's some sort of mental block stopping me from working. It's kinda insane because I can work on other stuff, but as soon as there's a simple task for my employer my mind just wanders off. And when I really try to focus I just go blank in my head. Can't explain shit. I'm trying to slowly get back on the pony just because I'm ashamed of all the salary I've collected…

> It might be rooted in the fact that I don't have kids As a parent: nope, it's definitely not that. Yes, having children is a rich and beautiful experience. It's also a ruthless grind. So, if you think you're feeling lethargic and it's all a bit futile, imagine doing everything you do now, but also arguing with a smaller, more annoying version of yourself for a couple of decades while sleep deprived, and with 1/4 of…

I'm going to say something that sounds shitty, because I don't want it come off like I'm bragging, I promise I'm not. Just trying to bring context to how financial circumstances might affect your outlook in this situation.

I founded a startup 15 years ago and have done well. It's nothing youve heard of and Im NOWHERE close to owning a yacht or a private plane.

With this mild success I was feeling depressed, didn't know why I was building this company for. Sure I could buy nice things, but it seemed pointless.

Then I had kids and it changed everything, I love every minute of it. Its very clear to me I'm working for their future benefit.

I think the difference is that my mild success allows me some game changing luxuries:

- We have a maid that handles all cleaning duties.

- I'm super involved in my kids lives daily, but we do have a nanny that can care for them if we want to take a break. This allows me to lock myself in my office and play guitar, piano or read whenever I want to. After 60-90 minutes I start to crave hugging my kids and go play with them. Its also not a big deal for me to work out daily.

- I only have to take on work projects that interest me, all the boring stuff I've done 50 times I can delegate to other engineers. Forget building another API endpoint, integration or CRUD.

There's an interview with Steph Curry where they ask him what the greatest luxury money allows him: A Nanny.

So I guess my point is, money doesn't fix everything but it can make things a lot easier and enjoyable.

Re: Ask HN: Did anyone else lose their marbles?

#234

Post by dorkwood »

This only happened once to me as a kid, and only for a few hours. I can still remember being in tears, inconsolable, trying to explain to my father that “the train” was missing an important part, and that if I didn’t find the part, the train wouldn’t be able to go. I don’t remember what the part was supposed to do. I only remember that it was shaped like a cube. I looked through my bedroom for it, convinced that it was on one of my shelves somewhere. When it didn’t turn up, I had another breakdown.

I still wonder from time to time whether that episode was an indicator of something wrong with my brain that will only reveal itself later in life.

Re: Ask HN: Did anyone else lose their marbles?

#235

Post by wnolens »

jwmoz wrote: post #123
INTPenis wrote: post #69

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That's a really good point, yes. More than a decade with the same employer. But at the same time that employer provides such job security that it allows me to travel the world (which I just started) and still work. So that's kinda keeping me there. That is also what is motivating me to get back on track because I have a goal now, to travel, and my job is financing that, and the freedom my employer provides is making…

A decade at the same place sounds soul destroying. Try something different.

Yes I like a 4-5y rule. Highschool, college, jobs.. Enough time to really transform yourself, then move on.

Re: Ask HN: Did anyone else lose their marbles?

#236

Post by scruple »

suranyami wrote: post #100
INTPenis wrote: post #67

I've just become completely lethargic lately. And there's some sort of mental block stopping me from working. It's kinda insane because I can work on other stuff, but as soon as there's a simple task for my employer my mind just wanders off. And when I really try to focus I just go blank in my head. Can't explain shit. I'm trying to slowly get back on the pony just because I'm ashamed of all the salary I've collected…

> It might be rooted in the fact that I don't have kids As a parent: nope, it's definitely not that. Yes, having children is a rich and beautiful experience. It's also a ruthless grind. So, if you think you're feeling lethargic and it's all a bit futile, imagine doing everything you do now, but also arguing with a smaller, more annoying version of yourself for a couple of decades while sleep deprived, and with 1/4 of…

On the stuttering thing, I've recently developed a similar problem. I had a stutter as a child and went through years of speech therapy and for all intents and purposes it was gone for over 3 decades. Now it's back? Not nearly as bad, but it's there and it's frustrating and distracting.

Another recent speech related development, I'm losing words. I'll be mid-sentence and I'll have a specific word in mind that I want to use but it's like the dictionary entry for that word is blank in my mind. Only seems to happen with verbal speech, haven't really noticed it when typing.

I also think it's age related in combination with past experiences and the fact that I have 3 young kids and everything that entails but who knows.

Re: Ask HN: Did anyone else lose their marbles?

#237

Post by cma »

hobo_mark wrote: post #188
suranyami wrote: post #100

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> It might be rooted in the fact that I don't have kids As a parent: nope, it's definitely not that. Yes, having children is a rich and beautiful experience. It's also a ruthless grind. So, if you think you're feeling lethargic and it's all a bit futile, imagine doing everything you do now, but also arguing with a smaller, more annoying version of yourself for a couple of decades while sleep deprived, and with 1/4 of…

> For instance, one CEO would periodically grab me, walk me a few blocks away from the office and proceed to scream in my face for 20 minutes on the sidewalk. There are many, many other examples, but honestly, it's all too familiar and boring to recount. Wh..why did you even stay long enough for this to have happened more than once ?

If the person is on a visa they can be deported if they walk away without another job. Lots of bad behavior ends up excused because of this risk. A similar situation where this can go on is student/advisor in phd studies, especially when there is no other advisor in the field they can switch to at a small university.

Re: Ask HN: Did anyone else lose their marbles?

#238

Post by marbleless »

It sounds similar to my sibling - middle-aged, professional, homeowner, married, child. All signs pointed to a successful normal life. Psychosis out of nowhere (from our perspective at least) and was missing for almost 2 years. Living on the streets, fighting mental battles no one else can understand. Back now but the PTSD is strong. So much shame, grief, pain... they can barely function.

Thank you for sharing your story. I think stories like yours are probably much more common than any of us realize. If we allow the stigma to hold us back from talking about things like this openly, we will never make progress.

Re: Ask HN: Did anyone else lose their marbles?

#240

Post by vwcx »

frereubu wrote: post #213
ido wrote: post #195

Earlier quoted context omitted.

All of the above is true...And yet I (39 years old, father of 2 boys- aged 4 & 6) used to have existential crises routinely and I really don't anymore. Despite often being huge pains in the ass my kids make me so...Content? Happy? I don't know. Whatever it is I don't have existential crises anymore.

I think existential crises often come because people have too much time to think. That's certainly the case with me. Perhaps you just don't have enough time to overthink things now! Kids, if you let them, also keep you in the moment pretty well - there's not much time to chew over previous mistakes when you're in the middle of a play fight.

Agreed. Every time my kid naps, I find myself with an hour of "free time", but right around the time the existential questioning would begin, he's screaming for a diaper change.
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