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I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me

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Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me

#231

Post by mikrl »

strken wrote: post #129
winphone1974 wrote: post #67

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You shouldn't loan money to those people though, just give it without expectation of repayment.

Why not? I've borrowed thousands of dollars from family at times, lent thousands of dollars to them at others, and we've always repaid each other eventually. It's normal to forgive a loan to family if circumstances change, or to give money no-strings-attached if they need it, but it's equally normal to loan money to help with cash flow problems and then expect repayment eventually.

>I've borrowed thousands of dollars from family at times

Is this common? Such a thing is unthinkable to me, and even friends from more businesslike families than mine have expressed major shame to me that they had to get a couple grand from their dad to cover closing costs (paid back within weeks)

Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me

#232

Post by rootos »

Back in the late 90's I had a friend who wanted to open a high-end Italian furniture shop. Dude knew nothing about furniture or retailing. He said "you can afford it so you should lend it to me". I knew the money would never be paid back, and the friendship would be over. So I kept the money, as the friendship would be lost either way.

Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me

#233

Post by greedo »

t0suj4 wrote: post #150
luxuryballs wrote: post #131

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The risk of them not being able to pay you back and thus destroying the friendship is so high that I wouldn’t recommend this unless you are ok with losing that person as a friend OR you just give them the money without expectation of it being paid back.

Not expecting anything in return has definitely made me happier. It's on the borrower to worry about paying me back. Me, I don't care.

I've found that this applies to much more than just money.

Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me

#234

Post by fragmede »

wkat4242 wrote: post #217
fragmede wrote: post #103

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Guessing from the username Monero-xmr, they accidentally found themselves in the $100-millionaire bracket. More money than a person could spend in a lifetime. What do you do with that kind of wealth?

Fair enough, I suppose it really changes your view on money (though I notice that super rich people I know are actually less generous in general). For me $1k would really be a lot especially just for someone to shut up.

What is a dollar worth to you? Stupid question, right? A dollar is a dollar. How about a penny? Would you bother to pick up a penny? How about a million pennies? If you're making $10 million/yr, $1k to get someone to buzz off is cheap.

The inequalities of capitalism are gross, but while we're here, that's the way the world works.

Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me

#235

Post by andrewstuart »

Perhaps if a friend asks to borrow a substantial amount of money, depending on the circumstances, you could say something like:

"listen, how about I guarantee a bank loan for you of that amount, then you get the money you need but there's no scope for it to lessen our friendship"

Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me

#236

Post by porcheetoh »

usefulcat wrote: post #73
okasaki wrote: post #35

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If you're struggling, and get $1000 from someone who made $100M on crypto, would you be in a hurry to pay them back, or even care at all?

Some people don't like to borrow money. For such people, it's usually not about whether the lender needs the money back, it's about how they see themselves.

This 100%. I try to cultivate friendships with people whose mental model of themselves and their friendships with me would require that they treat a loan seriously (even if, in the end, they couldn’t pay it back).

With such a friend, whether to loan money is an easy question to answer: yes, as long as I can afford to.

With anyone else I figure I’m not a bank (or a loan shark), so I shouldn’t get into a bank’s business.

Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me

#237

Post by falcolas »

sillysaurusx wrote: post #210
falcolas wrote: post #185

Earlier quoted context omitted.

$7k is an absurd amount of money for 99.9% of the US (Recall the statistics on who has at least 3 months of income saved up? This is a similar amount of cash to have available). I've seen good friendships lost over a lot less money than that. I agree with the parent - don't give it with the expectation of receiving it back. Save everyone the heartache.

Sure. I didn't mean $7k specifically, but rather . Why loan someone a truckload of cash you can't afford to lose? It's kind of your fault at that point. We helped my sister in law afford a down payment on a house. She still hasn't gotten a house after 6 months. Am I a bit miffed? Sure. But breaking off a friendship over a down payment seems absurd. Life happens, and people tend to take a little while to figure it out…

Even if you're able to afford to lose it, setting the expectation that the loan needs to be repaid will stress the borrower. That can be enough, in my experience, to break a relationship.

Unless they're a sociopath, borrowing significant amounts of money from friends is usually considered to be a last resort, they're already in a bad place. Adding another monthly payment to their budget going to put them in a worse place.

Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me

#238

Post by rib3ye »

luxuryballs wrote: post #131
alach11 wrote: post #93

I loaned a close college friend $7000 last year. Due to life circumstances and lack of family resources, he was stuck in a rural area with no developer jobs. He was having trouble landing a remote job and I ignorantly asked why he wasn’t applying to in-person jobs on the west coast. He told me that he certainly wouldn’t be able to afford to move and I told him “don’t let that stop you”. Fronting him moving expenses w…

The risk of them not being able to pay you back and thus destroying the friendship is so high that I wouldn’t recommend this unless you are ok with losing that person as a friend OR you just give them the money without expectation of it being paid back.

That's the misunderstanding that sours so many relationships.

You have to go into the "loan" with the mindset that you will work to maintain the friendship if it doesn't work out.

In short, it's a grant, not a loan. You will become this person's benefactor, and you may learn a lot about how their mind/life works. Perhaps more than you want.

Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me

#239

Post by giraffe_lady »

RjQoLCOSwiIKfpm wrote: post #200
giraffe_lady wrote: post #194

Earlier quoted context omitted.

grim way to think of people but ok have fun

It's the view of someone who has lost over $10k to "I'll pay it back!!!" people - they haven't payed back in 10 years now. And they left behind truckloads of trash. How much have you lost to those? I would speculate once you get to a sum this significant your perspective would change ;)

If someone asks me for money I make it clear they aren't obligated to pay it back at all or in full. In this way I have never "lost" money only given it away. Well over $10k in any year I was adequately employed. Less in others but still tens of dollars here and there even when I was homeless. It's never been hard to find people who seem more in need of it than I am.

Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me

#240

Post by sebzim4500 »

eddsh1994 wrote: post #177
FpUser wrote: post #142

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Understood and yes it does sound reasonable. I still cringe a bit.

In several European countries this is a trick to get around inheritance tax so, if you die several years after the gift, it's taxed as per inheritance.

Yeah. In the UK it is a common trick to back date a gift to your children 7 years so you don't have to pay inheritance tax on it. Sometimes it needs to preparation, you need some sort of evidence that the gift happened 7 years before death, but faking that evidence is far from impossible.
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