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A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

jakobgreenfeld.com

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Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#231

Post by p_l »

gjulianm wrote: post #225
mattcwilson wrote: post #207

Earlier quoted context omitted.

And yet, after 20 years of that approach, you might have lost some people you’d have a really difficult time trying to get back. If I may, it seems like you’re assuming “if I only talk to this person once a year, it’s not worth it. Especially if I have to contrive some basis for reaching out.” If it’s that difficult, and that low value, sure, don’t bother. But the other lens to apply here is “how at risk am I of neve…

> But the other lens to apply here is “how at risk am I of never talking to this person again if I don’t manage to say something, however simple, at least ?” There may be folks in your life with whom your relationship is threatened if you don’t consciously make an effort, or if you don’t have a system like this to help you. But do you really need to build a system to talk to people once a year? Just reviewing your co…

Seeing at how my handling of contacting people and not only goes? I'd like that system, enhanced with direct mental prodding, too.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#232

Post by p_l »

watwut wrote: post #201
MrYellowP wrote: post #39

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Implying that forgetting a date and forgetting a person are equivalent.

The system is not solving the "I forgot this person exists" issue. It is solving the "nothing prompts me to contact this person without having reason to" issue.

Or "nothing overcomes issues that say do not contact, you're not worth their time"

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#233

Post by sublimefire »

If this system is used as a gateway to schedule a meeting or ask for a favor then might be all right! Like, if you're honest and say "hey I did even setup a reminder to make sure we agree on our next meetup that we talked about earlier". And then remove it from the reminders and make sure to follow up as with a normal friend if they want to. A reminder has to have a specific reason, and "say hi" is not specific enough.

Otherwise, nobody wants (downvoted posts at the bottom) to get a message from a person who did it because a CRON job sent a reminder to their email, this is how sales people work. Furthermore classification should not be that explicit, yes we have our favorite acquaintances, but not with labels in the lists. Labels have a weird side effect, what if you follow up and have a convo and them meet a person, do you go back to the list and elevate their status?

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#234

Post by WickyNilliams »

3qz wrote: post #80
greyman wrote: post #74

Earlier quoted context omitted.

But this doesn't work for contacts I do not reach regularly... I just forget about them when I don't reach them at all for some longer time.

That’s good! It means people who aren’t actually part of your busy life will get pruned out, and you’ll be left with more time to deal with people who actually matter.

This is a weird take.

I have friends I've known for decades, some of whom have moved to different cities, different countries, different continents even. I don't talk to them regularly - we all have our lives and it's easy to get caught up. It's not that these people don't matter, just that we're not as close - physically or otherwise - as we used to be. Many of these people, if we did meet again in person, we could pick up exactly where we were as if I'd only seen them yesterday.

I don't use a system like this. But it's bizarre to say that just because someone hasn't spoken in a while that they don't actually matter

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#236

Post by xlii »

I can see how it's polarizing especially since it feels like CRM for some.

I'm, however, going to try this approach myself. Reason for that is that I'm all-or-nothing kind of person. I can nag you daily and overshare but then if our roads split (different job, environment etc.) I forget to reach out - simply because what's off my eyes is off my mind.

It's not like I don't care for people, sometimes I find myself thinking about some colleagues couple months later. I don't reach out though cause it would be weird and it feels like cold e-mail. Done this few time and people would drop some bomb (like, oh yeah, our life changed 180, why didn't you call?) which would - instead of keeping relation, chill it even further, as we both feel weird about not caring.

That reminds me that my grandma didn't get a call from me for past month or so (sigh).

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#238

Post by binkHN »

kator wrote: post #205

Interesting way to approach it, my approach might be less technical, when someone comes to mind randomly, I just txt them with: Hey, you just popped into my mind, I hope all is well with you and yours! It's simple, lightweight, and you'd be shocked how often the other person pings back. My completely un-scientific view is that most people think of others once in a while. Perhaps we're too busy to reach out, or the gu…

I do something similar, and actually wrote an app to help recently. It goes one step further by allowing you to specify different messages that it can use at random. The landing page for the app is at http://communiqai.com.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#239

Post by josefrichter »

wccrawford wrote: post #185
josefrichter wrote: post #183

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Sir, is a bitter comment like this necessary?

I was aiming for "helpful" to people who think they need hundreds of contacts and are looking to maintain actual relationships with them, and not just fulfill quotas. I am far from social, but it's pretty obvious to me that scheduling contacts with people is not normal and is likely to feel stilted, and not providing the desired result in the end.

I beg to differ. There may be millions of reasons why you grew disconnected from someone.

Don't you have situations where you think I wish I had more regular contact with this person, because he/she seemed like a genuine good egg? What's wrong with making the extra effort and actually create a reminder for yourself to at least say hi once in a while?

And vice versa - would you feel bad getting contacted by someone whom you worked with years ago, just asking how you're doing, and not actually wanting anything from you?

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#240

Post by gjulianm »

WastingMyTime89 wrote: post #229
gjulianm wrote: post #224

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Well, this is precisely the point some commenters are making, that it feels more like a system for clients and companies and business contacts than for actual personal relationships.

Business relationships are personal relationships. I maintain them even when I change companies or when I don’t presently work in the field. Relationships exist on a continuum from close friends to acquaintances.

To me a business relationship is a business where you don't really care about the person but about the business/work potential. Of course you can make personal relationships in business, but those are different things.

And yes, "relationship" technically includes any kind of relation between two persons, but I think the context makes it clear that I'm talking mostly about friendships. And I really don't think one can call a relationship a friendship when consistently the contact happens once a year because of a scheduled reminder.

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