Female Founder Secrets: Fertility • Hacker News Board

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Fertility

#231

Post by xenihn » Thu, Mar 04, 2021, 7:26 PM UTC

astan wrote: post #67

Your whole blog resonates deeply with me. All this corporate grifting and women's empowerment months will do jack shit until we figure out how to make workplaces and lives more equitable for mothers and allowing for gaps, breaks and destigmatizing time off for parents of both genders. Instead, we talk about how sexism is the biggest problem. Sure, sexism might be annoying, but in the west, it is hardly something that…

It's not clear what you're asking for exactly, but the solution is obvious: give whatever it is that you want to provide to EVERYONE, regardless of their gender, and whether or not they actually have children. Special treatment for everyone.

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Fertility

#232

Post by defen » Thu, Mar 04, 2021, 7:27 PM UTC

sokoloff wrote: post #184

defen wrote: post #160

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Counterpoint: let's say I hate the effect that car-ownership has had on society - you can't just tell me "well then you should just choose not to own a car". The problem is that society itself has been reshaped around the assumption that essentially everyone has a car. For the vast majority of people in the vast majority of locations in the USA, it's simply not viable to live without a car, or ready access to one. Th…

What you say is true, but partly orthogonal. If not owning a car is one of the most important things to you, then as a friend, I would counsel you to arrange your life to prioritize that. Live in NYC or Boston. Or Amsterdam or Paris. In all of those places, car ownership is a net negative and so you'll find a lot of life arranged to assume you don't own a car and as a result, a lot of like-minded people. If your frus…

> arrange your life to prioritize that. Live in NYC or Boston. Or Amsterdam or Paris. In all of those places, car ownership is a net negative and so you'll find a lot of life arranged to assume you don't own a car and as a result, a lot of like-minded people.

That was indeed my point - "just go live in NYC or Boston" is not realistic for most people for a variety of reasons.

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Fertility

#233

Post by giantg2 » Thu, Mar 04, 2021, 7:27 PM UTC

manmal wrote: post #152

smoldesu wrote: post #14

And people wonder why the birth rate is continuing to decline. Our nation-wide workaholism is making family life an increasingly distant fantasy. I've had this discussion with my S/O before, and we've always come to the same conclusion: it would be irresponsible for us to adopt while both of us are working. That's a difficult place to be in, considering we're both quite passionate about our jobs. It makes me quite de…

Sounds like you are selling your best years for a certain amount of money and lifestyle.

Isn't that the gist of all jobs?

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Fertility

#234

Post by lotsofpulp » Thu, Mar 04, 2021, 7:28 PM UTC

johnzim wrote: post #51

Ma8ee wrote: post #21

Or get a husband that takes care of the kids. The woman will of course have carry the children in her womb, which will be some tough months. But after that the husband can do almost everything. If she feels that it is important to feed the baby breast milk the first months, excellent pumps can be bought. This is a much better option than waiting until it almost is to late. (I’m not talking out of my ass: I’m currentl…

This is great advice. I was in a similar position till we moved to the Bay Area, which flipped the financial calculus. Other than breast-feeding, Dads can do everything that's required and pumping works out great for everyone.

>pumping works out great for everyone.

Pumping is an enormous pain in the ass compared to breastfeeding. All the moms I know who had to pump wish they never had to pump.

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Fertility

#235

Post by lnsru » Thu, Mar 04, 2021, 7:28 PM UTC

k__ wrote: post #156

lnsru wrote: post #89

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Paid leave is 12+2 months if both parents use it. And it’s capped at 1800€. Depending on location and business type it is absolutely reasonable to start something with that conditions. There are no paid years for sure.

Interesting, Wikipedia said something about up to 36 months per parent and per child.

36 months per child for both parents. 12+2 months are paid if both parents share the time. For one parent only 12 months. I recently did this whole paperwork, but canceled my parental leave since we found affordable property for buying. Shouldn’t be that bad with current pandemic home office ruling at work.

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Fertility

#236

Post by random5634 » Thu, Mar 04, 2021, 7:28 PM UTC

astan wrote: post #67

Your whole blog resonates deeply with me. All this corporate grifting and women's empowerment months will do jack shit until we figure out how to make workplaces and lives more equitable for mothers and allowing for gaps, breaks and destigmatizing time off for parents of both genders. Instead, we talk about how sexism is the biggest problem. Sure, sexism might be annoying, but in the west, it is hardly something that…

Yeah, my mom always rebelled at the feminist push to have women do men's work as the goal (without valuing work women already did). Join the military, kill people etc. I'm 100% for that, but it's crazy that a women doesn't get paid for raising kids, perhaps the most important thing for society and with INCREDIBLE costs (if done badly) and benefits (if done well) to everyone.

What's even more interesting, upvalue work that is traditionally female, and you may see more men drawn to it, staying home, teaching etc.

Instead, those can be thankless jobs from a money standpoint, and only folks who sell their souls into a male centric hellhole of work environments (PhD life is silly, medical residencies are nuts etc) are rewarded and women are told to lean in.

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Fertility

#237

Post by jimbokun » Thu, Mar 04, 2021, 7:28 PM UTC

austincheney wrote: post #137

dcow wrote: post #116

I think women have largely been presented a false promise by progressives: value and purpose is derived from work, go do what men do to be their equal. It’s not necessarily anybody’s fault, we live in a society where money is valued. But I wish we could structure society in a way such that the value of raising children, homemaking, is clearly communicated and understood. Being a mother without a snazzy career is frow…

Actually, why must the family homemaker necessarily be a woman? If in a male/female relationship the female is the more ambitious one prioritize the male as the primary care giver. Either way raising children still takes time, energy, and focus that could otherwise pile into something else. While there are differences in general approaches males and females take in raising children I don't think there is any research…

I agree with your general point.

But would add that in the very early stages:

1. Women are the ones who get pregnant, which takes a physical toll, and maybe makes working super stressful jobs and long hours ill advised.

2. There is a period of time needed for recovering from the trauma of child birth.

2. Many women prefer breast feeding their children. Yes, they can pump, but may prefer to feed their children er, "naturally", which means getting up at odd hours of the night for a period of time.

3. If the mother is doing most of the feeding because of this, it takes time to fully wean the child. And then the child will likely have a stronger bond with the mother than the father for a little while after that.

4. And maybe the father is now working more hours than the mother due to the added burdens the mother has, which could be another reason the child might be more attached to Mom than Dad at these very young ages.

5. Repeat all of the above for the number of children you plan to have.

All of which is to say, socialization is a huge factor. But there are also differences between being a mother and being a father that are strictly due to biology.

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Fertility

#238

Post by enko123 » Thu, Mar 04, 2021, 7:28 PM UTC

kmclean wrote: post #161

dcow wrote: post #116

I think women have largely been presented a false promise by progressives: value and purpose is derived from work, go do what men do to be their equal. It’s not necessarily anybody’s fault, we live in a society where money is valued. But I wish we could structure society in a way such that the value of raising children, homemaking, is clearly communicated and understood. Being a mother without a snazzy career is frow…

Interestingly, single, childless women are also the happiest population demographic. ( https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/may/25/women-h... ) I don't disagree homemaking should be less stigmatized, but the real problem is American startup culture that expects this kind of around-the-clock all-in hustle mentality. The vast majority of businesses are actually just small firms with a few people that make a de…

Not remotely believable.

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Fertility

#239

Post by ksdale » Thu, Mar 04, 2021, 7:29 PM UTC

I agree completely with the premise that most people don't appreciate just how fleeting fertility can be, but I think rather than freezing eggs, the solution is for people to normalize having children at a younger age and designing work and home life around children existing and even being present in certain work contexts.

Obviously freezing your eggs is something that you can do as individual without society's input, and my preferred solution is a cultural overhaul...

But economic productivity is only useful insofar as it leads to better lives for people, economic activity that increases well-being by one unit is pointless if it requires us to spend more than one unit of well-being (by say, freezing our eggs and not becoming grandparents until we're 80) to achieve it.

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Fertility

#240

Post by Draiken » Thu, Mar 04, 2021, 7:29 PM UTC

dcow wrote: post #116

I think women have largely been presented a false promise by progressives: value and purpose is derived from work, go do what men do to be their equal. It’s not necessarily anybody’s fault, we live in a society where money is valued. But I wish we could structure society in a way such that the value of raising children, homemaking, is clearly communicated and understood. Being a mother without a snazzy career is frow…

I don't believe this is sexism at its core. The entire west society is built on the one axiom that work means value. Everything else is extra. That's even worse in the US.

I'm in a similar situation where I'd love to be a parent full-time and be essentially free to live my life. But I could never do that even if my wife wanted to work and let me stay at home. With one person's salary, you can't really sustain a house unless you drastically drop your living standards. It's not really a choice.

We have allowed companies to lower the value of work, drastically forcing every being in a household to work as soon as possible. Society has bought into this making any choice that is not work/career feel like a wrong choice.

Regardless of sex, the problem is the work culture itself.