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The Cost of Avoiding Sensitive Questions

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Re: The Cost of Avoiding Sensitive Questions

#231

Post by m463 »

gampleman wrote: post #134

My wife was* one of those rare people who just went ahead and asked people whatever was on her mind. This had a curious effect as I often internally winced and thought "you did not just say that". Sometimes I had the impulse to apologize for her or put in a joke to soften the blow. However, curiously, generally people didn't seem to mind or sometimes registered very mild embarrassment. In very rare cases they just av…

If the questions are awkward, it helps if the person lacks guile.

If the asker is a jerk, it just makes things hard on everyone.

On the other hand, sometimes a jerk will ask the hard pointed questions when the shit hits the fan.

Re: The Cost of Avoiding Sensitive Questions

#233

Post by tony »

ramblerman wrote: post #137
tony wrote: post #13

I wonder what would be a more personal (and interesting) question than: - Describe your relationship with your mother - Describe your relationship with your father Completely open-ended, yet, is universal to everyone. Being candid in that area can provide a lot of foundational underpinning to understand someone. But - would people find it awkward? Would they take offense? Feel pain thinking about the answer? As for s…

> Being candid in that area can provide a lot of foundational underpinning to understand someone. I disagree. In a normal process of forming a relationship over a span of time yes, it will give you better insights into your friend. But as an interview question for you to put your psychology 101 to use I think it's pretty invasive and disturbing

Put it this way - on the other hand, there are many sensitive questions that can be inflected by an underlying need to gain approval, avoid disapproval, or their own compliance to appear "good" to the interviewer at the moment.

If it's a political topic, where someone can get lost in the herd so to speak, they can be partisan/intellectualize as a way to mask themselves as an individual. It's cheap and easy. Are we learning about them, or seeing their environment has them scared straight?

I guess with the parental question, there's a motivation to not be candid on that either though. What if the person feels they'd be selfish complaining about their parents or be ridiculed for expressing themselves? If it's a sensitive question, that involves vulnerability of not having feelings validated. If you're hurt by something, and someone scorns you for simply for stating discomfort, that's a pretty difficult situation!

Hm - what would be a valuable question to gather insight on someone, that's open ended, but not invasive? Would there be a way to phrase it so there wouldn't be pressure to give a "good" answer / portray an ideal self-image?

Re: The Cost of Avoiding Sensitive Questions

#234

Post by tuxguy »

gampleman wrote: post #134

My wife was* one of those rare people who just went ahead and asked people whatever was on her mind. This had a curious effect as I often internally winced and thought "you did not just say that". Sometimes I had the impulse to apologize for her or put in a joke to soften the blow. However, curiously, generally people didn't seem to mind or sometimes registered very mild embarrassment. In very rare cases they just av…

thanks for sharing ! i feel less of an outlier, i behave a lot like your wife. It doesn't go over well in my experience (in the US & India). But i have formed some beautiful friendships thanks to "radical empathy & questioning" and am just wired to be curious about people and their lives !

Re: The Cost of Avoiding Sensitive Questions

#235

Post by filoleg »

mkagenius wrote: post #66
artsyca wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I had a manager like that dude he was house poor and had only one ratty Hilfiger sweater There's no way to relate to people like that and confrontation being avoided is the only way out

Ed Sheeran mostly wears same red shirt

He almost definitely has many copies of that shirt and isn't just wearing the exact same shirt every day. Just like Zuckerberg, who was showing off his wardrobe consisting of a bunch of t-shirts that are exactly the same.

No one should have issues with people dressing similarly every day. But wearing the exact same shirt literally every single day without washing it every day becomes noticeable really quickly for hygienic reasons, and that's the part that makes it problematic.

Re: The Cost of Avoiding Sensitive Questions

#236

Post by filoleg »

isoskeles wrote: post #103
tony wrote: post #13

I wonder what would be a more personal (and interesting) question than: - Describe your relationship with your mother - Describe your relationship with your father Completely open-ended, yet, is universal to everyone. Being candid in that area can provide a lot of foundational underpinning to understand someone. But - would people find it awkward? Would they take offense? Feel pain thinking about the answer? As for s…

Yes, sharing anything about my relationship with my parents would cause a certain amount of pain. I wouldn't feel like going through that for just anyone who decides to ask about it.

The act of refusing to answer this question is already giving plenty info that the person was seeking by asking it. As long as they don't push it after the refusal, the question has served its purpose, and it is all in good spirit imo.

I am absolutely fine with receiving those kinds of sensitive questions, as long as the person asking those is cool about it after hearing "no".

Re: The Cost of Avoiding Sensitive Questions

#238

Post by bryanrasmussen »

kbenson wrote: post #225
bryanrasmussen wrote: post #180

Earlier quoted context omitted.

evidently I asked a sensitive question here, as I got downvoted a couple. Sorry I just thought they had gone the way of the tape cassette, phonogram, typewriters etc.

Most people still work at small to medium size businesses, and depending on business type and density, it doesn't make sense to have a machine like that. Those big machines aren't inherently better, they've just faster at serving lots of people, but at the expense of cost to run and service, and that cost can be a lot (especially the up-front cost to buy). As for downvoting, I guess people thought you were being dism…

maybe it's different where I'm at. I do work at a lot of big places, but right now the company I'm at is small to medium sized (they recently bought another company in another city so while it is probably a medium sized company now it still feels small) and it has a machine.

Also at the big companies I've worked at often you have a small room with a self contained team and each of these teams has one of these machines.

on edit: where I'm at = Denmark.

Re: The Cost of Avoiding Sensitive Questions

#239

Post by hycaria »

mgh2 wrote: post #183
OnlineGladiator wrote: post #174

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I suspect your wife asks these questions to the religious ("theology"), which is a subset (bias). How did you reach the conclusion she is primarily talking to religious people? That's such a leap I can't even hypothesize your deduction.

It is not a "conclusion", it is a "hypothesis" if you will, which I ask for confirmation from the author of this comment. My hypothesis stems from his insight comment on "theology": "In comparison I would have shyly still been discussing the weather whereas she would be already talking theology." Because it is a deep subject not commonly conversed with the general public, but specifically known inside churches... unl…

That's a smart insight, now I wanna know too...

Re: The Cost of Avoiding Sensitive Questions

#240

Post by mkagenius »

authoritarian wrote: post #175
mkagenius wrote: post #61

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Why is urine getting on your hands? Who designs your (not you specifically) urinals?

Nowhere in OPs comment did he state, or even imply, that he got urine on his hands... The point he was making, which you seem to have missed entirely, is that he ISN'T in fact trying to wash away urine but rather any other nastiness he may have touched throughout the day.

Yes, I was mostly replying to the parent comment. And in general seemed liked everyone in this thread was getting urine on their hands.
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