231–240 of 363 posts
Just ask them:
=> "Have you considered using [𝓍]?"
Either you will learn something new (why [𝓍] is not suitable for this situation), or they will (there is [𝓍] that solves their problem).
My take from personal experience: Removing the "just" obviously makes it less condescending: => Why didn't you use sshd? Removing the "you" could make it less personal: => Why was sshd not used here? Removing the past-tense makes it more forward looking (the past can't be changed, but people often defend their past decisions especially because they are unchangeable, the future however is less threatening): => Could s…
Did you (try|consider) sshd? "Yes, it wasn't suitable because..." "No?" Ah ok, I think it'd work really well here because... Direct, no assumptions, no trick questions, no toes trodden on.
>> Would there be any tradeoffs using sshd here?
Some might focus on the tradeoffs as the primary query, but others might assume that the real intent is press for an alternative to sshd. It sounds like you know something, but didn't want to say it, and now you want me to infer it from your question.
Some people might be offended or sensitive to direct questions, but that's for them to work through with their therapist.
There's no reason to be jumping straight in with "why" in this situation at all, one can perfectly reasonably ask "have you tried using sshd". Why doesn't the author just try putting it that way?
He mentions that there are complaints about even that approach.
"One of the first things I would think of, when trying to solve a problem like this, would be sshd. But, I may not understand the full scope of your problem."
I would feel offended if anyone would feel the need to go easy on me, just say what you think. And if you are right I will be eternally grateful for being taught a new efficient trick. Do I look like such a weak person to you that you feel like you have to handle my self esteem with silk gloves? Thanks for the insult. And what is it with this 2 intentions? The third is the obvious correct one where I'm not familiar w…
> I would feel offended if anyone would feel the need to go easy on me "go easy on me" means "condescend", so you're essentially doing the same as the people mentioned: feeling offended because they perceive condescension from the speaker. > Do I look like such a weak person to you that you feel like you have to handle my self esteem with silk gloves? > Making things up in your head The phrase he came up with doesn't…
I suppose now I'm deriving meaning in my head.
"Why wouldn't sshd do the job here?" Take "you" out of it. The question is about the problem and the solution, not the person.
“What happened when you used X?”
My take from personal experience: Removing the "just" obviously makes it less condescending: => Why didn't you use sshd? Removing the "you" could make it less personal: => Why was sshd not used here? Removing the past-tense makes it more forward looking (the past can't be changed, but people often defend their past decisions especially because they are unchangeable, the future however is less threatening): => Could s…
Did you (try|consider) sshd? "Yes, it wasn't suitable because..." "No?" Ah ok, I think it'd work really well here because... Direct, no assumptions, no trick questions, no toes trodden on.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
Personally I hate it when my PRs come back like this. I made a PR so my code and my decisions could be reviewed and critiqued. If you have some criticism, just tell me what it is and why you think that. I have learnt so much from highly critical PRs, I hate to think where I’d be without them. Personally I think it’s much more productive to create a culture where criticism is made openly and without being taken as a p…
Thank you, I appreciate your take on this. I personally also like to learn from criticism, but it took me a long time to be able to accept it better. I try to get to know the other developers first to get a feeling for whether or not they're used to accepting criticism. If the other person becomes defensive I try to be more careful, if they seem more accepting I will continue being critical. Usually I would be more o…