Another victim of 3rd wave feminism and modern western culture. It will be hilarious when it becomes more and more apparent with every woman that hits her mid 30s and realizes she doesn't have shit to show for it.
‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’
231–240 of 669 posts
Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’
#232I could give better advice in a single sentence. To wit, "you should schedule an appointment with a psychiatrist to get screened for adult ADHD." These life problems are classic adult ADHD symptoms. Moving cities every few years. Not being able to hold down a long-term relationship. Your "who-knows-what-number" job. Debt from poor and impulsive decisions. Lack of internal drive. Difficulty making and keeping friends.…
> adult ADHD
that was my case. Had all those symptoms you described. 30mg of Vyvanse every morning, prescribed by a Psychiatrist, allowed me to get a hold of my life again. The difference is night and day.
Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’
#233I've known people who lived a life very similar to the one this person describes: moving from town to town, making art wherever they go, meeting new people, floating from relationship to relationship, not much money or stuff to their name, nothing really tying them down. The difference is that they were the sort of people who said "f_ck 'normal' society and its expectations" – an attitude that I don't see much these days – and, maybe as a result of that attitude, they were really happy people.
> I used to think I was the one who had it all figured out. Adventurous life in the city! Traveling the world! Making memories! Now I feel incredibly hollow. And foolish. How can I make a future for myself that I can get excited about out of these wasted years?
I hope she can learn to stop thinking about those years as wasted. She saw and did things that most people never get to see or do because they're too busy working. Plenty of 35-year-olds are in debt, upside-down on their houses, in miserable marriages, and just a few years from getting divorced, buying a convertible, and dating someone inappropriately young for them. More than a few of them would envy her life.
Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’
#234Earlier quoted context omitted.
> decades at a time I think we're seeing the result of the baby boomer generation, essentially. They rejected the old, as you put it -- stern way of parenting. I'd argue, perhaps it wasn't so much stern as it was the structured. There was structure, expectations, and responsibilities. Things previous generates required to live. Since then, we've grown increasingly accustomed to insane amounts of wealth (or perhaps de…
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That's an anecdote, not data; boomers were the hippy generation, that doesn't mean all of them were hippies.
Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’
#235This probably won't be popular, but what the hell. I feel like, if you strip away the outward trappings and dogma, this is what religion is good for. Not in a "believe in Jesus" or "trust in God" kind of way, but in a "how to orient your life" kind of way. Which is to say, the actually useful portion of religion generally teaches that your best life is probably not focused on you. It isn't about finding yourself, or…
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Religion, like drugs, can be useful and life-affirming, or it can be misused.
Learning to code in high school is great, you should be proud of that!
Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’
#236Anyone else read the Dear Polly part ...and just couldn't bring themselves to the Dear Haunted / advice part? I felt like just trying to sit in that situation; sort of ponder the whole thing without coming to any conclusions. How many people do I know who could be Haunted? How many times have I been Haunted myself? What got me out of that space? I just couldn't read the advice part. I think to the points when I've be…
I didn't read the advice part either. Didn't seem fitting, felt wrong. Her letter stands alone.
Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’
#237This probably won't be popular, but what the hell. I feel like, if you strip away the outward trappings and dogma, this is what religion is good for. Not in a "believe in Jesus" or "trust in God" kind of way, but in a "how to orient your life" kind of way. Which is to say, the actually useful portion of religion generally teaches that your best life is probably not focused on you. It isn't about finding yourself, or…
> You can always do something meaningful with your life.
There lies the rub. What if you don't find anything to be meaningful to you. This implies that there are some activities that are inherently more meaningful that others and you just have to find them. Now you are back to square one.
Can it be rewritten to
> You can always find meaning in anything you do
This doesn't handwave the problem away. Main task is to find meaning in yourself not keep looking for activities that will give you meaning and hope you get lucky.
Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’
#238Earlier quoted context omitted.
I know plenty of good looking men with social skills and reasonable success in long term relationships or having families. And also ugly men unwilling to commit. I think that your view of males is unfairly negative.
I think his view is fairly correct. I also don’t see it as being negative, you’re making your own value judgement equating commitment with positivity. Men do tend to want to have a lot of partners, and many of those who can, do.
It is just not my impresion that men who hop relationships look all that better. The comitted ones are not ugly ones.
Also, a men who is having relationship with you solely because he can't find replacement likely sux as a partner. Or maybe she sux or they don't match, but in any case, that relationship will be crap.
And that relationship will become real bad after children.
Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’
#239Earlier quoted context omitted.
I understand that is what he thinks he’s doing, yes.
What answer are you fishing for?
One that at least makes a credible attempt to justify privileging brutality, as in the sort of 'brutal honesty' on display here, over kindness. I have no preference over whether such a justification proceeds from pragmatism or principle, but I would like to see one attempted.
Re: ‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’
#240A while back I worked at a company I really liked. I made lots of good friends there and it was, I think, the best time in my life to date.
A few days before I left that company, people have taken me out for farewell drinks. We hang out until late at night, having fun, drinking and eating and chatting and so on. Until it's like midnight and we all have to go home.
One of my friends is the new girl. She's pretty attractive, and new in town. She's also from the suburbs and hasn't figured out the basic safety steps to being able to walk through downtown SF safely late at night, so she asks if I can walk her to her apartment. I say of course.
As we start walking, she starts bawling. I take it things haven't been going to well in her life and she's got some demons to grapple with. Well that's fine, I'm not going to ignore a friend in need when she calls for help. So we sit and I listen as she goes for about two hours, telling me her problems.
What were her problems? More or less the same as what was written in this article. She had just turned 30 and was starting to realize that she had nothing to show for it and the time available to her to settle down was quickly evaporating.
It broke my heart. She was a really cool person. She was smart, and pretty, and yet still down to earth. Unlike a lot of people I'd met in SF, she wasn't snobby or arrogant. She had a lot going for her. But at the same time, she was on the same path as OP was and I didn't see her getting off it any time soon.
Her big thing was travelling. She loved to travel. She'd been all over the world. She'd done backpacking, she'd done hotelling. She spent a few years living on a boat the Caribbean doing scuba stuff. She spent a few years living in an expat community in Asia. She had had a lot of experiences. But unfortunately, experiences are expensive, and it's really hard to put down roots when you're constantly on the move. And she was being made miserable by the conflict between her desire for an exciting life and her desire for a stable life.
I didn't know what to say, so I tried my best to be a good friend in the moment. I haven't heard from any of the folks from that company in a few years. I hope she's found the life she wanted, and that she doesn't end up like OP