Being ambitious and being a dad • Hacker News Board

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#221

Post by alansaber » Wed, Aug 19, 2026, 3:58 AM UTC

dalyons wrote: post #16

thank you for this, very well written, and rings true. I will say for me this is the root contradiction: > I do not believe the quality time theory. I firmly believe in maximizing the quantity of time spent with them; there are no diminishing returns for them on that front. If you believe that to be the most true statement, then it leads to the conclusion that you should work as little as possible to spend as most ti…

"Maximising time within reason" is probably a better construction. As usual if you follow these arguments to their absolute meaning they become ridiculous

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#222

Post by alansaber » Wed, Aug 19, 2026, 4:00 AM UTC

diogenescynic wrote: post #217

My career plateaued as soon as I had kids. I don't regret it, but companies definitely don't promote people with kids as rapidly, almost as if they know they have extra bargaining power over them because they have dependents to worry about.

If you have something to live for, you're less valuable to the company. That's more about corporate politics than some fundamental underlying truth about your productivity potential as a parent

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#223

Post by alansaber » Wed, Aug 19, 2026, 4:01 AM UTC

rad_val wrote: post #99

The weird thing is how most of the comments here are from dads saying it's hard but worth it in various ways. I've been scrolling for a while and failed to find an alternative point of view.

I guess HN users like their kids. Maybe enough time spent on software increases the relative percieved value of hardware.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#224

Post by dalyons » Wed, Aug 19, 2026, 4:05 AM UTC

ip26 wrote: post #101

mholt wrote: post #5

"Be ambitious enough to be an ambitious dad." - agreed! Being an ambitious dad IS exhausting. And the successful people telling you that you can't be a present, ambitious dad and be successful -- that you have to trade successful fatherhood for professional success -- are weak. They are not heroes. The real heroes are the ones ambitiously raising the next generation while changing the world right now. That's what I a…

I've started peering behind the curtains when I get the chance, and I've not yet found someone wildly successful who is also a model parent. Time after time, their spouse is quietly shouldering an enormous load, or their children spin their wheels and wind up rudderless, etc. You can certainly be successful and be a good parent, but one of the first steps is recognizing and picking out the false prophets. You can't h…

> how many have a spouse working a demanding full time job as well? I realized for me it was zero.

Zero for me too, but boy are people quiet about it. Almost taboo to let on that that is the arrangement

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#225

Post by dalyons » Wed, Aug 19, 2026, 4:10 AM UTC

xp84 wrote: post #183

Apocryphon wrote: post #160

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Easy to prescribe, hard to implement for the last two generations or so

It's not like people had an established career when they had kids at 19 in the 1940s. They just didn't view "being halfway to a comfortable retirement" as the prerequisite to having kids, the way my generation thinks it is.

[dead]

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#226

Post by wat10000 » Wed, Aug 19, 2026, 4:13 AM UTC

dyauspitr wrote: post #154

wat10000 wrote: post #146

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Nah, creepy weirdos care about “genetic legacy.” Normal people have no problem with adoption or stepkids or whatever.

Yeah, you’re the normal one and most of the world is creepy weirdos

It’s funny. Normally saying that something is wrong because it got downvoted and flagged would be a fallacy. You’ve managed to make it a valid argument.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#227

Post by dyarosla » Wed, Aug 19, 2026, 4:13 AM UTC

jawilson2 wrote: post #111

daggerdrone wrote: post #64

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Isn’t it unhealthy to skip both breakfast and lunch? How are you getting the energy to do stuff without eating?

Intermittent fasting and calorie reduction are the only known way to EXTEND lifespan and wellness. 10 years of low carb + fasting is the single most important health decision I have ever made.

Kind of a strong statement there. Happy that fasting’s had such a positive influence on your life but:

No: fasting has not been proven to extend lifespan in humans.

Also no: exercise has been far more provably correlated with healthspan improvements than fasting.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#228

Post by wat10000 » Wed, Aug 19, 2026, 4:15 AM UTC

SoftTalker wrote: post #155

wat10000 wrote: post #132

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Who gives a crap about "genetic legacy"? How about mind your own business.

It's a biological drive, at least until you're past the age of fertility. Whether you consciously think about carrying on your genetic line, it's baked into the hardware.

I forget the precise nature of what the guy said, but it wasn’t just “people want to have kids who came from them.”

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#229

Post by enos_feedler » Wed, Aug 19, 2026, 4:15 AM UTC

Aeolun wrote: post #179

sacul wrote: post #161

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I disagree. As a father of nine children, I submit that the best time to have children is when you’re young. The next best time is now . Sure, you’ll be poor, and you’ll make lots of mistakes. But how do you know you’ll be able to have children later? And what’s so important now that makes it worth putting off children?

You’ll feel poor anyhow. More money just means you want more. I’ll say there’s benefits to having a single child, but not nearly as many as there are to have multiple.

Explain this please.

Re: Being ambitious and being a dad

#230

Post by dalyons » Wed, Aug 19, 2026, 4:21 AM UTC

alansaber wrote: post #221

dalyons wrote: post #16

thank you for this, very well written, and rings true. I will say for me this is the root contradiction: > I do not believe the quality time theory. I firmly believe in maximizing the quantity of time spent with them; there are no diminishing returns for them on that front. If you believe that to be the most true statement, then it leads to the conclusion that you should work as little as possible to spend as most ti…

"Maximising time within reason" is probably a better construction. As usual if you follow these arguments to their absolute meaning they become ridiculous

But what’s “within reason”? Right now I have an unlimited list of ambitions of things to do with my kids. Traveling, sports, skiing, mountain biking, surfing, camping, building, electronics, etc etc… there are not enough hours in a year to do just those with zero paid work. Is that ridiculous, assuming I can afford to do so?