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I built something that changed my friend group's social fabric

blog.danpetrolito.xyz

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Re: I built something that changed my friend group's social fabric

#221

Post by squigz »

tomashubelbauer wrote: post #209
rockostrich wrote: post #134

I think Discord is the best chat app for friend groups and it's not even close. At this point I've written the following bots specifically for my friend group's server: # Music Quiz Bot Existing apps work ok. A lot of paid and don't let you use a specific Spotify playlist. The only thing annoying about this one is that none of the Discord API wrappers handle audio very well so I've found that this one gets a bit flak…

I'm 32 and Discord is the harbinger of getting out of touch with technology for me. It is clearly a great service, because so many people use it and seem happy with it, but it is _not_ for me. And I wish that wasn't the case because Discord is pretty much _the_ spot for the communities I'd like to hang around with. But I wasn't able to get on top of its notification system or get past the gamer heavy UI. Does your fr…

Don't worry - I've been on Discord for years and have ran a community for 6 and still don't understand the notification system.

Re: I built something that changed my friend group's social fabric

#222

Post by whatevertrevor »

catigula wrote: post #121

It strikes me: is anyone else sick of people calling developing software "building"? Even as a software developer, it feels very supercilious.

For small projects I tend to use write because that's what it feels like. For bigger things where there is a design element, I'll usually say designed and wrote X instead if I want emphasize its non-triviality.

I didn't think of it before but you're right building feels like implying more weight than it feels right. But also I concede this is quite subjective.

Re: I built something that changed my friend group's social fabric

#223

Post by whatevertrevor »

vinceguidry wrote: post #175

God I'm so jealous you were able to get your friends to join Discord. My in-person friend group revolved around the bar we all went to. When the bar shut down, I floated the idea of a group chat but couldn't get anyone interested. No one wants to install another app and get notified more. In olden days, we'd just solve the problem with Facebook, but no one uses that anymore either. My friends are ordinary, normal, ov…

Sorry to hear that. FWIW it feels like there was probably a mismatch in valuation of the friendship there.

For my case I was able to convince many friends to connect on various chat platforms of their choice. Some friendships fizzled out, others are still going. And then there are some anew.

Unfortunately a lot of our friendships are essentially default proximity relationships. These tend to not survive as soon as the first obstacle to proximity shows up if not enough people are willing to put in the effort to make it something more.

Re: I built something that changed my friend group's social fabric

#224

Post by hn_acc1 »

gausswho wrote: post #138
101008 wrote: post #66

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is something I've always wanted to write about, and I imagine that someday I'll end up with a long article, but basically, it's the idea that the internet used to be offline by default, and now it's online by default. People used to be offline by default. You had to “connect to the internet.” Open MSN, go into forums and check the latest unread messages, come back from a concert and manually upload the photos to…

Like many who lived through this inversion I can absolutely relate. I've culled my notifications substantially and my life is better for it. But I miss that feeling of firing up AIM and seeking out someone to chat with. Or someone spotting my arrival and immediately saying hi. I realized yesterday that I don't use phones like others do. I want to be in airplane mode whenever my phone is locked. Not Do Not Disturb mod…

This. I don't even want my computer to send data / check email unless I tell it to. And I ESPECIALLY don't want it sending telemetry / receiving ads asynchronously.

Re: I built something that changed my friend group's social fabric

#225

Post by hn_acc1 »

98codes wrote: post #142
nemomarx wrote: post #72

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The Internet used to be semi literally a place you went - a desktop in the corner of some room, not central on a desk, not in your pocket. And with a ritual to access it on top of that and the dial up sounds and all. It's more present but also more invisible now, yeah.

It's funny -- before social media, I was more likely able to go find someone to chat with on IRC, a Usenet group, or some purpose-built forum. I knew where my friends were (ICQ, then AIM, then Skype, then GChat), and it worked. Now, it's all fragmented into 1000 Discord servers, and who has the time to dig through it all?

I agree, I feel similarly. There are now 25+ car groups on fbook that I have to subscribe to, because the main web-board / usenet group for that car doesn't get anywhere near as much traffic as it used to. Major vendors are providing support on fbook - which sucks.

Re: I built something that changed my friend group's social fabric

#226

Post by hn_acc1 »

whatevertrevor wrote: post #216
ToucanLoucan wrote: post #135

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Honestly I don't hang out with people like that. If you can't put down your Distractify 9000 to play a game with me, then clearly I am not very interesting to you and it's better for both of us to do more engaging activities with more engaging people. People bristle at this sometimes- they'll ask why we don't hang out as much and I'll explain- and like, I get it, nobody likes feeling called out or criticized, and I d…

I think there's a mismatch of expectations which is a solid reason to pursue friendships elsewhere. I think the other party in scenarios like this probably assumes (incorrectly of course) that you appreciate the break so you can check your phone too. There's definitely something borked with our brains though. I have had multiple people express surprise when I tell them that I will not check any notifications when I'm…

I will let android auto read text messages and/or dictate to me and do phone calls at times - but it has to be hands-free and traffic not too bad. I almost never do anything with my phone at a red light.

Re: I built something that changed my friend group's social fabric

#227

Post by exiguus »

I love the Idea. And i would adopt the solution if i didn't already have one.

Personally, in my circle of friends, we use slack (at first the free plan and now a payed plan).

During the pandemic we moved to the payed plan, because of the restriction on members in huddles/calls (and also because we want endless history and our own encryption keys).

Currently we have Game (D&D e.g.), PP and Small-talk channels that we use to have huddles that everyone can join.

Mostly we create other channels on demand to organise things. Or share knowledge, music and so on.

One nice feature with slack is, that you can receive notification if a huddle starts in a channel, also on mobile, if you have the app. I don't know how often we use this notifications to join the small-talk channel. Personally, i join them every other week because i get notified.

PS: If someone from slack reads this, please do a friends plan, something between the free and pro plan :)

Re: I built something that changed my friend group's social fabric

#228

Post by s0rce »

donatj wrote: post #20

Mildly reminds me how being online on AIM or ICQ was an actual invitation to chat. I had so many interesting conversations with people I barely knew. There's no source of that signal that someone is open to chitchat these days, and it's in my opinion kind of killed what was once great about online communication.

Discord, sort of, but its not as personal and its not as clear who is actually present.

Re: I built something that changed my friend group's social fabric

#229

Post by dandano »

tomashubelbauer wrote: post #209
rockostrich wrote: post #134

I think Discord is the best chat app for friend groups and it's not even close. At this point I've written the following bots specifically for my friend group's server: # Music Quiz Bot Existing apps work ok. A lot of paid and don't let you use a specific Spotify playlist. The only thing annoying about this one is that none of the Discord API wrappers handle audio very well so I've found that this one gets a bit flak…

I'm 32 and Discord is the harbinger of getting out of touch with technology for me. It is clearly a great service, because so many people use it and seem happy with it, but it is _not_ for me. And I wish that wasn't the case because Discord is pretty much _the_ spot for the communities I'd like to hang around with. But I wasn't able to get on top of its notification system or get past the gamer heavy UI. Does your fr…

We really only use discord for voice chat. I also loathe discord for communities and anything else. Funny you mention the notifications - every now and then discord won't send the notification till hours after my bot has sent a message. I think it has something to do with having the discord app on your desktop open and it not knowing how to handle the notification.

I guess my friend group is somewhat techy - but they aren't on HN. We've been on discord since its inception. We moved to Signal as we wanted to get off Meta products.

Re: I built something that changed my friend group's social fabric

#230

Post by dandano »

Arainach wrote: post #54

I didn't see this in the article, but why not just organize the games in a Discord text channel? Discord has very granular notifications that seem the perfect solution here, so folks can see there are unread messages in #games, and the folks gaming are already on the server. One big noisy chat for everything is an antipattern, as any group of sufficient size eventually learns.

This was going to be my next idea if the bot didn't go well! For unread messages in Discord, you have to actively go into the discord app to check it. The fact that the bot only sends a notification when someone has taken the action to jump into discord signals that you're ready to chat right now. It avoids the 'I'll be on in 30ish', where in reality that might not happen. Talk is cheap.
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