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What really happens inside a dating app

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Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#221

Post by satvikpendem »

mettamage wrote: post #45
the_sleaze_ wrote: post #8

There is a truly fascinating talk by a data scientist who "hacked" the "algorithm" of a dating site and became the most matched person in californina. Highly recommended. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mJod9kRYyao

Yea, hacker mindset is what I applied with Tinder. It worked wonders, went from 1 to 100 matches per month. I feel like having a hacker mindset with dating in general works wonders. Oh, and not having social anxiety of course. It took a long time to not have that.

What did you do to growth hack Tinder? Seems significantly harder than OkCupid as profiles aren't public and it's predicated on one-by-one swiping.

Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#222

Post by guerrilla »

jokoon wrote: post #203

To me, it reveals that women are not really interested in dating. Women go on app when they feel a bit sad, when they need to feel a bit better. People want to stay single. Introversion is on the rise.

I don't think it says that. I think it confirms that they are extremely picky and that these apps amplify that, making things worse for everyone except the apps... which is the point, to make money, not hook people up with healthy lasting relationships. This is yet another externality of capitalism.

Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#223

Post by satvikpendem »

nemothekid wrote: post #48
allenbina wrote: post #10

I'm not going to go into details as I don't want to create a throwaway account for HN, but I can attribute a lot of people's feelings in dating apps to a few things. I got an email from Bumble a few years ago that said I was in the top x percent of people swiped on. If you try to brute force stats your way to dating apps, you will fail.... to some extent. A lot of this comes down to looks that you can control, and lo…

> I've heard horror stories from both men and women from online dating, and I've only had great exeriences from it. Some people find me attractive, and at the time I was very active and fit, so I usually got past the swipe test. How old are you / how long ago was this? I've been active on-and-off on the apps for the past year; and once you are over the hump of getting consistent matches I feel like the apps create po…

When everyone is dating everyone else, this essentially creates a tragedy of the common where no one wants to commit because they see better options always, but ironically, no one person will find their best option and have that best option also find them as the best option too.

Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#224

Post by guerrilla »

nemomarx wrote: post #88
James_K wrote: post #85

> Among girls : 10% where lesbian, 84% were hetero and 12 % were interested in both genders > Among guys: 7% homo, 92% hetero and almost none were interested in both genders That's insane.

I've heard that listing you're bi is considered a red flag on a guy's profile? maybe people are hiding it

Yes, I hide it. Based on surveys, it lowers your chances. No reason to play fair there when things are bad enough as they are.

Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#225

Post by torben-friis »

thr0w wrote: post #111

Funny thing is that when dating apps used to be "browse profiles, send message", nobody had to debate inner workings. Users could self select people of interest, send them a message directly, and know there'd be a very good chance that their profile/message would at least be seen. Issue today is that apps control visibility, both in terms of profiles and likes. I've tried Hinge a few times. Did like a 4 month initial…

The past you mention was awful for women, because social dynamics meant their profiles were being hit with a constant DDOS. That in turn made demographics very skewed, which made the problem worse.

In fact I'd say being able to balance this gender imbalance is THE issue to solve for modern apps. Everything including monetization models is built around that.

Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#228

Post by switch007 »

impure wrote: post #18

I definitely noticed I was using the apps more for entertainment than for dating. Which is why I stopped using them.

Agree. People are addicted to the dopamine hit of matches and message pings. I'm a pretty good judge now of whether someone is just bored at working passing time on the apps or whether they're serious about meeting. Oh and all the time wasters get really shirty if you call them out on it, so I stopped doing that long ago

Re: What really happens inside a dating app

#230

Post by modo_mario »

bawolff wrote: post #146
carabiner wrote: post #117

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Lowering your standards will find guys who aren't just interested in sex. The problem is that most women want the same (small proportion of) men. He said that the more matches a man gets, the more likely he'll just want sex and not a relationship. So you go for the less desired men and you find better quality matches, if you are looking for more than casual relations.

It does seem like there are a lot of hidden assumptions here. Is the man who gets less matches really more likely to want a relationship rather than sex, or is he faking that opinion because he doesn't think he has options and thinks lying will get him more matches. My assumption would be someone who changes their mind on what they want based on availability of choices would probably not be a good relationship partne…

>Is the man who gets less matches really more likely to want a relationship rather than sex, or is he faking that opinion because he doesn't think he has options and thinks lying will get him more matches.

I'd say more likely down the line there's not a huge difference between the popular and unpopular men regarding what they aim for but the men who get a ton of matches and gravitate towards a fixed relationship are more likely to be out of the dating market.

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