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The Never Married, a New Normal

psychologytoday.com

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Re: The Never Married, a New Normal

#221

Post by runarberg »

Nursie wrote: post #195
orangepurple wrote: post #160

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Yet people with kids get divorced all the time anyway. This ruins the child

There is some evidence that kids do better in aggregate in stable two parent homes. There is no evidence I'm aware of that kids do better in homes where their parents would have divorced but are compelled to stay together by social mores or legal compulsion and now hate each other. This is the problem with all these "marriage is best for the children" pieces that get published. They don't (can't?) look at situations…

I’m guessing in places where single parents are financially supported, childcare is abundant and affordable, sick leave is guaranteed and covers your child, workplace discrimination against single parents is illegal, that any observed difference will disappear. That is I suspect the evidence is actually describing poverty, not parenthood.

Re: The Never Married, a New Normal

#222

Post by jahewson »

ameminator wrote: post #90
throwaway1492 wrote: post #49

I’ll risk it and defend marriage to this crowd. To me getting married was about getting out of myself. As someone who got married later in life, I’d spent decades living only for myself, doing what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it. Relationships were shallow and lasted only so long as convenient. By choosing to get married and intentional build a family, I knew I was sacrificing a lot of ego and choosing to give…

I can sacrifice my ego through meditation and acts of charity/volunteer work. No need to risk half of my current assets and future income on the whims of some potentially capricious other person, who probably doesn't like me very much anyways. Good luck to you, however.

Do you… attract capricious people?

Re: The Never Married, a New Normal

#223

Post by than3 »

adam_arthur wrote: post #171
emodendroket wrote: post #165

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think having separate finances just changes the type of financial argument you’ll have.

Either you concretely agree on the finances or you don't. If you don't have any explicit understanding/agreement, the vast majority of relationships are going to have problems. Having separate accounts forces you to come to an explicit consensus

The problem with 'consensus' as a whole is, its not always possible.

Just because you do something doesn't mean you agree with it.

Re: The Never Married, a New Normal

#226

Post by emodendroket »

runarberg wrote: post #221
Nursie wrote: post #195

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There is some evidence that kids do better in aggregate in stable two parent homes. There is no evidence I'm aware of that kids do better in homes where their parents would have divorced but are compelled to stay together by social mores or legal compulsion and now hate each other. This is the problem with all these "marriage is best for the children" pieces that get published. They don't (can't?) look at situations…

I’m guessing in places where single parents are financially supported, childcare is abundant and affordable, sick leave is guaranteed and covers your child, workplace discrimination against single parents is illegal, that any observed difference will disappear. That is I suspect the evidence is actually describing poverty, not parenthood.

I wouldn't be so sure about that. Two parents are never going to have the exact same approach or emphasize the same thing, so I think it is likely beneficial to children to have two parents helping them along in different ways.

Re: The Never Married, a New Normal

#227

Post by quickthrower2 »

adam_arthur wrote: post #166
orangepurple wrote: post #158

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Why commingle finances at all? Stay at home moms which take care of multiple children full time typically do not earn an income

Then they have their own account that you transfer $X/month into. If you can't agree as a couple on what each person should be spending, then the relationship is on bad footing to begin with.

You need then all of these:

Budgeted amount for say toilet roll.

Decide whose bank account to use for it.

How to re balance as expenses change.

For each expense or group of expenses.

Each spend kinda needs to be tagged. It is a lot more work.

Might be OK if you have no kids and are renting.

Re: The Never Married, a New Normal

#228

Post by runarberg »

emodendroket wrote: post #226
runarberg wrote: post #221

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I’m guessing in places where single parents are financially supported, childcare is abundant and affordable, sick leave is guaranteed and covers your child, workplace discrimination against single parents is illegal, that any observed difference will disappear. That is I suspect the evidence is actually describing poverty, not parenthood.

I wouldn't be so sure about that. Two parents are never going to have the exact same approach or emphasize the same thing, so I think it is likely beneficial to children to have two parents helping them along in different ways.

Unless the other parent is completely absent, you get that anyway. And even if they are (one of my parent was for a large part of my childhood) you usually get other family members, grandparents, ants and uncles, friends, teachers, etc.

While it is probably true that it is easier on the parent to have another person which is always there to help each other out, I doubt—all else being equal—this has any significant difference on the child.

Re: The Never Married, a New Normal

#229

Post by ameminator »

emodendroket wrote: post #131
shadowgovt wrote: post #130

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Children? In this economy?

So you say and yet not having children or doing it later is correlated with more income and wealth rather than less. E: Consider https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2015/01/15/for-most-...

Be careful not to fall into the correlation=causation trap. It's entirely possible that only the wealthy are able to get married and stay married.
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