Sorry that happened to you. It sounds scary, but you sound like you're doing much better. I hope you are. In the interest of openly sharing, I've had inklings of psychosis in the past while also being an absolute top performer at work. It's damaged my relationships, but never to the point of a psychotic break. A combination of getting way too focused on work for months/years, burning out, stopping exercising to try a…
What a coincidence, I am also somehow special and think I can beat the system. So that is encouraging to hear, thank you.
I’ve had two breakdowns. The first was out of the blue and had no real immediate cause. It left me with a perennial feeling of anxiety, paranoia and depression that lasted almost 8 years. It was only fixed with medication - a 3 month course of SSRIs that miraculously brought my back to my old self almost immediately. The second breakdown was precipitated by medication - withdrawals from Gabapentin, a medication presc…
I was prescribed pregabalin, a similar drug to gabapentin, for nerve pain resulting in a bad accident and amazingly had no issues coming off. That said, I moved country during the time of the prescription and the doctor in the destination country was amazed that I was prescribed it, and recommended stopping as soon as possible.
Anyway, I'm sorry you've had such a hard time, hoping all is well.
All of the above is true...And yet I (39 years old, father of 2 boys- aged 4 & 6) used to have existential crises routinely and I really don't anymore. Despite often being huge pains in the ass my kids make me so...Content? Happy? I don't know. Whatever it is I don't have existential crises anymore.
Kids provide a VERY easy answer to “why am I doing this inane shit” - because they would literally die if you don’t. And people will naturally go through lots of pain if there’s hope their kids will have a better life than they did, and there’s almost always that hope, even in total societal collapse. And a second side effect is kids force you to get to know the parents of other kids, even if only accidentally. Many…
I thought this was common understanding but the comments here seems to indicate otherwise. It is surprising. People’s behavior changes after having kids, and in the main this generally means they become more ‘responsible’ modulo ‘bad parents’. There is powerful biological machinery to make this regenerating process work for both sexes and it operates at a more fundamental level than higher level (‘conceptual’) processes.
Yes, I have. No, it's not normal. Yes, it "just happens" to some people, where "some people" are the set of people with pre-existing undiagnosed problems. I got treatment for it. It means you've had an underlying issue. It probably wasn't entirely caused by the work-related stress. After it happens, you know somethin's up, or could be up at any unpredictable time. My goal in therapy and with medication is to manage t…
While what you are saying may be 100% true, I think that basically everybody is capable of being driven over the edge by chronic stress. Everybody has a tipping point. That's normal. Perhaps the difference is what occurs after that point.
Yeah I think it also depends on other health factors - if OP was chronically sleep deprived that can make psychosis much more likely, and obviously it's also possible for recreational drug use to be a factor.
I've just become completely lethargic lately. And there's some sort of mental block stopping me from working. It's kinda insane because I can work on other stuff, but as soon as there's a simple task for my employer my mind just wanders off. And when I really try to focus I just go blank in my head. Can't explain shit. I'm trying to slowly get back on the pony just because I'm ashamed of all the salary I've collected…
This has been my last year.
I quit my job, went to doing something in a slightly different industry. Same thing. I can't explain it, I don't know what happened.
I've just become completely lethargic lately. And there's some sort of mental block stopping me from working. It's kinda insane because I can work on other stuff, but as soon as there's a simple task for my employer my mind just wanders off. And when I really try to focus I just go blank in my head. Can't explain shit. I'm trying to slowly get back on the pony just because I'm ashamed of all the salary I've collected…
That definitely sounds like burnout to me.
I was only able to get through it by completely shutting down the computer for a period, and ended up putting my mental energy into learning woodworking. After a month or two of that, I slowly reintroduced computer stuff (e.g. reading HN), then writing some quality of life scripts for myself, then finally getting back into actual "projects". In my experience, and it sounds like maybe yours as well, it was really important I didn't force the work otherwise I had a severe internal procrastination/aversion kick in.
I had the exact same symptoms for many years. I would be able to do leisure activities, but not productive ones. My mind would go blank when trying to explain something. I had little or no initiative. Initially I thought I suffered from "procrastistination", I tried all methods to fight it to no avail. Then I considered "burn out", "existential crisis", or weariness of work, but that was not the case at all. I starte…
I can relate to a lot of what you just said, including the meditation retreat. I feel compelled to ask: have you ever felt like you’re just playing a game with yourself with all your problems? Like sometimes it feels like I’ve got all these problems that I can’t escape and I’m desperately trying to improve myself, but sometimes I can’t shake this feeling that I’m choosing to have these problems somehow and for some r…
Indeed, for many years I felt I was in control of what was happening to me, but that is of course an illusion. During my psychotic episode my sense of agency was disrupted, and it could be that the sense of agency is disrupted without having a psychotic episode. In the end free will is an illusion that manifests itself in different ways in each person. However, it is important to be grounded and have solid measures of mental health like productivity. Not all people are able to recognize that there is something wrong with them (anosognosia), however the metrics indicate if there is objectively something wrong.
Just, whatever you do, when you find yourself in such a situation, don't watch "The Shining." Even if the message "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy" may be worth learning.
I did, for about two years. Drug induced psychosis made me completely lose touch with reality. With time and effort I found my way back, and surprisingly it was a bit of detachment that helped me overcome it. I was wound so tight and trying to control everything that I eventually spiralled when I couldn’t sustain it. I’ve written a book about it and have a few YT video about my experiences. If you’re interested, you can find it in my profile. I wish you health, friend.
"as far as work IS CONCERNED" sorry, pet peeve of mine. usually I have a bit of a controlled inner "aaarrgh" moment and then move past it, but I'm in a foul mood today (hence clicking on this thread) so it couldn't be helped. I'm sorry I'm sorry.
As far as your mood, internet arguments aren't likely to improve it :P