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Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

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Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

#221

Post by Phileosopher »

aidenn0 wrote: post #207
drewcoo wrote: post #63

Seek counseling. You're making life decisions based on web boards. Somehow programming and your relationship with your spouse are tied up together. You're riding really high now. You were really low before. Emotional roller coasters mean you should talk with someone, regardless of how you're feeling right now.

> Seek counseling. You're making life decisions based on web boards. Somehow programming and your relationship with your spouse are tied up together. > > You're riding really high now. You were really low before. Emotional roller coasters mean you should talk with someone, regardless of how you're feeling right now. Is it that hard to believe that changing what one spends over a third of their waking hours per week o…

I think it's a specific cultural idiosyncrasy that comes from (I'm guessing) modern USA.

There's this strange "work-life balance" ethos, where the two have some sort of invisible barrier that holds them at diametric odds with one another. I'm still working out a theory, but I think it's a descendant of the Greatest Generation/Baby Boomer work values starting in the 1940s after practically every able-bodied young man became militarized.

Needless to say (or maybe needfully), it's tripe, as you've indicated. Work creates meaning in its own right, yes, but not if someone despises it, and a sense of duty alone will _not_ empower someone to sleep well at night.

Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

#222

Post by zttg »

I will try to properly word the well known thing:

When you are happy, full of energy, love your job, get a lot of things to do, confident, etc - you are more attractive for any woman, especially for your wife, than when you are uncertain, unhappy, frustrated and full of problems.

Work as much as possible on yourself and your own happiness and career. Any reasonable woman is designed to feel what is going on with you.

Also consider some physical activity which you like. Gym, hiking, cycling, kayak, crossfit - whatever makes you happy and stronger and a same time does not lead to injuries

Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

#223

Post by baq »

mastazi wrote: post #215
baq wrote: post #180

Earlier quoted context omitted.

on that day there might not be many career options open on the market, though

That might be the best day for starting your own business!

there won't be anyone willing to finance it and there won't be any customers willing to pay money for anything...

Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

#224

Post by giantg2 »

"My wife wanted to buy a big house and I kept blaming her for the stress."

I have a similar situation. It's not unreasonable to not want a bigger house, even if that's what culture tells us we should want that. Maybe your wife is fine being house poor, like mine wants to be. One bad issue and you're sunk and there will be stress. I prefer a cushion for the real possibility of life altering issues arising. We shouldn't all be spending balls the wall like culture tells us and then going up in flames at the first bump (not that it's your situation, but mine).

And yes, I'm a loser and feel like it too. That's ok.

Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

#226

Post by thow34wqway »

sacrosancty wrote: post #19

Just a suggestion, but if your relationship with your wife depends on your personal circumstances and mood, then it sounds not very strong. Might be worth taking advantage of this good period to do some relationship strengthening exercises while you can so that when the next downturn happens, you can both understand each other's and your own feelings better. I'm not talking about random activities like going to the b…

May be this works for American culture. In India over 95% are arranged marriages. The probability of finding a partner with common interests is pretty low. Not marrying is not an option. Because it affects siblings marriages. Women have even lesser freedom in this area. Given these conditions the best thing to do is not forget the relations ship b/w spouse will never be great and at the same time its not the spouse's fault. Minimal commitment to the happiness of the spouse is a must but never forget it will not be great.

Long live the culture of individual freedom the west values most.

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