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The benefits of staying off social media

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Re: The benefits of staying off social media

#221

Post by a_zaydak »

I was never a big social media person. But back in 2012 I totally went off of social media all together. It happened because I was in grad school and my girlfriend at the time had lots of anxiety issues. Her doctor recommended that she delete her facebook. She was worried about "missing out" on things if she deleted it so her and I decided to delete it together at the same time. 10 years have passed and I still don't have an account and don't miss it at all! The only social media that I have is LinkedIn (and HN) for work purposes but haven't logged into it more than a few times a year.

There are some challenges to not having social media however. It has been integrated into so many other apps and platforms that it is hard to get away from. For example, some of my close friends have a Messenger group chat. Sometimes I have missed out on planning events because of that. Also platforms like Oculus started to require a FB to log in. Online dating was also hard. Dates would ask for my FB or Instagram account and when I told them that I didn't have one they would think I was trying to hide something. I don't want to totally bash social media BUT I really hope that it goes back to what it was originally made for and all of the integrations stop. I don't think this is the trend though...

Re: The benefits of staying off social media

#222

Post by tremon »

munchbunny wrote: post #100
ipdashc wrote: post #90

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Where people consider talking to someone a chore. This bit in particular really hit me. I've noticed a rising trend around the Internet (or maybe I was just blind to it before), mostly on Reddit, of people who really do seem to consider any sort of real-life social interaction a chore and an attack. I forget the exact context, I think the conversation that stood out to me was about someone in a gas station or somet…

I think it's an over-correction around the introversion/extroversion divide. It's true that sometimes I just don't want to be bothered while I'm running errands, but I wouldn't consider someone making small talk, cracking a joke in the elevator, etc. to be some sort of social transgression. As an introvert, chatting or small talk isn't really a chore, and I waste enough of my own time on my own time, so what's a few…

cracking a joke in the elevator

I disagree with this. What people consider funny varies a lot from person to person, and a stranger trying to joke with me comes across as rude. A friendly nod, saying hello, that's fine. Approaching me and immediately assuming that we have enough in common to enjoy the same humor? Sorry, but that's creepy.

Re: The benefits of staying off social media

#223

Post by cjaro »

micromacrofoot wrote: post #102
ipdashc wrote: post #90

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Where people consider talking to someone a chore. This bit in particular really hit me. I've noticed a rising trend around the Internet (or maybe I was just blind to it before), mostly on Reddit, of people who really do seem to consider any sort of real-life social interaction a chore and an attack. I forget the exact context, I think the conversation that stood out to me was about someone in a gas station or somet…

>I forget the exact context, I think the conversation that stood out to me was about someone in a gas station or something, trying to make friendly conversation with another shopper next to them, along the lines of "oh that's a cool hat". And the consensus of the thread was "yeah that's awful, why would you do that, why are you subjecting them to the labor of talking to you" or such. This is kind of an American way o…

Yeah I'm with you on this one. I consider small talk sometimes but honestly, the emotional/social effort it takes + the risks of engaging with stranger men (as a gal myself) aren't worth it. I'll do my grocery shopping in silence, because with how stressed I am right now, I don't have extra bandwidth for entertaining chatty strangers.

Re: The benefits of staying off social media

#224

Post by nobody9999 »

trutannus wrote: post #219
nobody9999 wrote: post #213

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>I don't think asking "just text me instead, I don't have Facebook" is really that high of a bar. Frankly, someone who's going to cut contact because they don't want to text me isn't really worth the effort in the first place. Exactly. The way I look at it is this: I want to be around folks who want to be around me. And not all of those, either. If you can't be bothered to stay in touch, then you obviously don't want…

> I want to be around folks who want to be around me. And not all of those, either. This is a great distinction that I think a lot of people would be happier if they followed. Just because someone wants your time does not mean you have to, or even should, provide it to them. Wanting to spend time with you is a basic prerequisite, but is not the only criterion.

>This is a great distinction that I think a lot of people would be happier if they followed. Just because someone wants your time does not mean you have to, or even should, provide it to them. Wanting to spend time with you is a basic prerequisite, but is not the only criterion.

I think there's another piece to that as well. Some people require more external validation than others.

Those who do will seek out that validation. And a great place to get that without a lot of effort is on social media.

That's not to say those who require less external validation don't use social media. Rather, I imagine that they use it differently.

I don't have data to back any of that up, just 50+ years of living and interacting with other folks both in person and online. As such. YMMV.

Re: The benefits of staying off social media

#225

Post by RankingMember »

jaynetics wrote: post #24
pkdpic wrote: post #12

> A futuristic dystopia. A place where the real world sucks. Where people consider talking to someone a chore. Connection, closeness, ambition are replaced by detachment and dogmatic slumber. Society is satisfied with shallow thoughts and the pursuit of artificially created stimuli in an imaginary world. Beautifully written top-notch orwellian poetry. Seriously inspiring. Also as someone who has only ever used social…

> Beautifully written top-notch orwellian poetry. Seriously inspiring. yeah, that paragraph was probably the best one. all in all i find this text really painful to read. main issues: - a lot of sentences feel superfluous, like time-wasting boilerplate - poor grammar, punctuation and paragraph structure disrupt the reading flow - there is little logical structure or flow of arguments - there is far too much repetitio…

I agree. Good message, but could've used a proofreader/editor to refine it and make corrections.

Re: The benefits of staying off social media

#226

Post by emodendroket »

nobody9999 wrote: post #213
trutannus wrote: post #200

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't think asking "just text me instead, I don't have Facebook" is really that high of a bar. Frankly, someone who's going to cut contact because they don't want to text me isn't really worth the effort in the first place.

>I don't think asking "just text me instead, I don't have Facebook" is really that high of a bar. Frankly, someone who's going to cut contact because they don't want to text me isn't really worth the effort in the first place. Exactly. The way I look at it is this: I want to be around folks who want to be around me. And not all of those, either. If you can't be bothered to stay in touch, then you obviously don't want…

I think it's pretty realistic that someone would like to get in contact with you but doesn't necessarily have your phone number or a way to ask you for it. And sometimes it's nice to catch up with old friends even if you weren't super close, especially if you find yourself in a new area. I think the idea of trying to make people "prove" they're your real friends and cutting the people who don't reach the threshold out of your life is a way of making your life a lonelier one. Not everyone is going to be there giving me the shirt off their back when I'm in serious need, but they don't have to be to be worth associating with.

Re: The benefits of staying off social media

#227

Post by Domenic_S »

GDC7 wrote: post #191
rhino369 wrote: post #108

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Reddit has a culture that normalizes the symptoms of social anxiety. They call it introversion, but the way its described is 100% social anxiety. I am sympathetic, I have it too. Hell, ever male in my dad's family line seems to have it. But its a problem that needs to be treated and not a character trait that needs to be respected. The WORST thing you can do for social anxiety (or any anxiety) is to avoid trigger it.…

> The WORST thing you can do for social anxiety (or any anxiety) is to avoid trigger it No point triggering for the sake of it. You need to bring the socially anxious person in a very easy enviornment. A scenario in which they can easily "win" the social setting. Like a pre-season friendly game against a minor league team. You put 30 runs on them, and of course you'll start the season full of swagger. It's called the…

> No point triggering for the sake of it.

Actually there is, if it's contextualized correctly. It's called Exposure Therapy [0] and it's scientifically proven to help phobias/anxiety/fears. Avoiding the anxiety-provoking situations makes things worse.

[0] https://www.apa.org/ptsd-guideline/patients-and-families/exp...

Re: The benefits of staying off social media

#228

Post by spidersouris »

tremon wrote: post #222
munchbunny wrote: post #100

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think it's an over-correction around the introversion/extroversion divide. It's true that sometimes I just don't want to be bothered while I'm running errands, but I wouldn't consider someone making small talk, cracking a joke in the elevator, etc. to be some sort of social transgression. As an introvert, chatting or small talk isn't really a chore, and I waste enough of my own time on my own time, so what's a few…

cracking a joke in the elevator I disagree with this. What people consider funny varies a lot from person to person, and a stranger trying to joke with me comes across as rude. A friendly nod, saying hello, that's fine. Approaching me and immediately assuming that we have enough in common to enjoy the same humor? Sorry, but that's creepy.

Except if the joke is straight up offensive or aims at mocking or stereotyping a certain type of people (whether you're part of this group or not), I fail to see how it can feel "creepy." Even doing a bad pun or joke related to the context has nothing creepy in it. At worst, it's cringey.

Re: The benefits of staying off social media

#229

Post by ryandrake »

tgittos wrote: post #164

One thing this article doesn't bring up but I have observed in myself since quitting social media about 4 years ago is the pain of living in a world where nobody holds the same values as you do anymore. Yes, all these benefits will come to you from opting out of social media. You'll grow, learn and appreciate your own life more, and at the same time feel more and more isolated from the world around you. You'll find y…

> My own friend circle has shrunk about 90% since I quit social media, and it's not just because everyone else is on social media. Everyone has a phone. The problem is people don't care.

Sorry to be blunt, but I think if one leaves social media and sees their friend circle shrink, I've got bad (or maybe good) news for them: Those people weren't really your friends.

Part of the problem is with how we define "friends" now. A friend used to be someone who you could ask for advice on a very personal issue, borrow a tool from, someone who could watch your kids while you were gone, someone who will visit you if you're sick and dying. Today, "friend" has morphed into this nebulous thing: one of five thousand usernames of people (or bots) in a Social Media database, who simply chose to click a "follow" button. The corruption of the meaning of the word "friend" was the biggest casualty of social media. It's now this abstraction that may or may not have anything to do with friendship. A Social Media Friend doesn't even necessarily like you, and you don't even necessarily like them.

How many of those abstract friend-like entities in that Facebook list would give you an actual old-school phone call or snail-mail if you were dying of cancer? Those are your real friends. The rest of those people are merely entries in a database that we increasingly confuse for a social circle.

Re: The benefits of staying off social media

#230

Post by jannyfer »

micromacrofoot wrote: post #102
ipdashc wrote: post #90

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Where people consider talking to someone a chore. This bit in particular really hit me. I've noticed a rising trend around the Internet (or maybe I was just blind to it before), mostly on Reddit, of people who really do seem to consider any sort of real-life social interaction a chore and an attack. I forget the exact context, I think the conversation that stood out to me was about someone in a gas station or somet…

>I forget the exact context, I think the conversation that stood out to me was about someone in a gas station or something, trying to make friendly conversation with another shopper next to them, along the lines of "oh that's a cool hat". And the consensus of the thread was "yeah that's awful, why would you do that, why are you subjecting them to the labor of talking to you" or such. This is kind of an American way o…

> This is kind of an American way of thinking. Small talk with strangers is weird in many places.

I agree it depends on where you are, though I'm not sure about the "American" categorization.

I was in Seoul where small talk with strangers was completely weird... then I went to a different city in South Korea, Busan, where people would chat you up all over the place (waiting in line, in a street food stall, at the sauna, etc).

I later learned that Busan was a city of refugees in the Korean War where the entire country was pushed into a single city - people had to learn to live closely packed together and cooperate, and the culture stuck.

I'm an introvert and prefer to not have small talk, but as a tourist in Busan, it wasn't that bad (fun, actually) to randomly hear about a stranger's daughter's upcoming wedding, completely unprompted.

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