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Who Americans spend their time with, by age

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Re: Who Americans spend their time with, by age

#221

Post by FalconSensei »

Swizec wrote: post #88
frakt0x90 wrote: post #83

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I experienced this first hand when I visited my wife's family in Vietnam. All 10 or so of them live in homes side by side on the outskirts of Saigon. Everyone woke up in the morning and cooked for each other. Every day was like a little party. It was so nice to have that much support around all the time. I have never experienced anything like that in the US. Of course having family literally at your doorstep has its…

My mom always said ”Move far away enough that your parents can’t visit in their slippers, trust me you don’t want that kinda meddling” I moved to USA. “Damn it I didn’t mean that far” ~ mom My sister lives with her boyfriend in his mom’s house. There is indeed a ridiculous amount of meddling even though they’re technically separate households.

> ”Move far away enough that your parents can’t visit in their slippers, trust me you don’t want that kinda meddling”

What I always heard was something like:

”Move far away enough that your parents can’t visit in their slippers, but not far enough that they have to packs their bags to visit"

Re: Who Americans spend their time with, by age

#222

Post by justjash »

mcguire wrote: post #149
burlesona wrote: post #78

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is very true. Unfortunately such places are almost all very expensive these days. So if you’re not already into late retirement age (and you moved there 40 years ago when it was affordable), then it’s not economically feasible for most people to get in now.

Visit any rural diner between 8:00 and 9:00 (or urban diner between 9:00 and 11:00) when it's otherwise quiet. I'll bet you will find a cluster or two of elderly people swapping lies. Indoor malls used to be similar gathering places for people who wanted to walk without being in the weather. Basically, look anywhere the 20- or 30-somethings aren't.

Yeah, or any McDonalds in the Midwest around that time. I always feel out of place if I happen to stop at one during that time on vacation.

Re: Who Americans spend their time with, by age

#223

Post by xwdv »

souprock wrote: post #176
xwdv wrote: post #124

This puts me more at ease about choosing to have children later in life. If I wait till late 30s, perhaps then I could push the curve a bit farther toward the end of my useful life, and spend less time alone.

Having kids later in life is a good idea, but don't forget to also have children earlier in life. That may bring you great grand children and beyond.

Too late for that, already in early thirties. Aren’t great grand children overrated anyway? My grandmother was a great grandmother and aside from the early toddler years the kids didn’t really give a fuck tbh. We don’t live in a society where a great elder is looked upon with any kind of prestige, so why aspire to it? Hell, not even most adult children care. They’d rather shovel you off somewhere where they don’t have to deal with your old people problems or antiquated views.

The only thing that will keep you respected in old age is your lucidity, wealth and power, and a sharp wit. Spending more time with your young children in late life could help cultivate those things out of necessity.

Re: Who Americans spend their time with, by age

#224

Post by freeone3000 »

gwd wrote: post #98
burlesona wrote: post #36

The thing that seems crazy to me is how much time alone increases with age. There are many many reasons for it, but one thing I think is especially sad is how much this is a consequence of our built environment. If you live in a village with multiple generations of a family around, it’s much easier for grandparents to be involved day too day in helping with little things in the village, especially keeping an eye on t…

> The thing that seems crazy to me is how much time alone increases with age. But the thing is, time with family, friends, and spouse stay basically constant. The only thing that changes is time spent with coworkers, and time spent with children. But when you're at your office hacking away at your computer, are you really "with coworkers"? Is it really less lonely to sit at your desk, with your coworkers at their des…

>But when you're at your office hacking away at your computer, are you really "with coworkers"? Is it really less lonely to sit at your desk, with your coworkers at their desks, than it is to sit at the workbench in your garage with your wife in the house?

There's a lot of incidental, in-person interaction that happens when sharing a space with other people. Even little things like meeting a coworker at a coffee machine, or going for lunch at the same time. Adults at work spend as much time, or more, around their coworkers than kids spend around their classmates at school.

Re: Who Americans spend their time with, by age

#225

Post by e40 »

dcolkitt wrote: post #18
wing-_-nuts wrote: post #11

I don't even want kids. I don't know why the 'time spent with one's children' line hurts so much, but it does. It sharply rises, before plummeting at age 40. That's got to be a jarring transition. No wonder so many folks have trouble with the 'empty nest' and mid-life crisis.

The Western nuclear family is a very unnatural social arrangement. Anthropologists have found that in most hunter-gatherers, the average infant is held at one point or another by 30+ people in a typical day. The nuclear family has the twin downsides of putting tons of stress on parents of young kids, who shoulder the entire childcare burden, and deprives a lot of grandparents, aunts, cousins, and others of meaningful…

It's even worse than that. Every set of new parents gets no shared knowledge on how to best raise a child. I mean there are a literal ton of books on the subject, but they give wildly different advice.

I have a single kid (turned 20 recently). I can tell you it's totally crazy figuring it out on your own. I approached it more methodically than most (IMO), and I don't think I made too many mistakes, but here's the thing: the mistakes I made didn't have to happen, had there been this shared body of knowledge that is passed on from generation to generation.

Re: Who Americans spend their time with, by age

#226

Post by screye »

stronglikedan wrote: post #107
br_hue wrote: post #106

Sad data. In my opinion this is the result of a culture that optimizes for the wrong things in life. "Happiness is only real when shared.".

No way. I've demonstrably proven to myself that I'm happiest when I'm by myself. Social interactions are tedious, and draining, so I prefer to keep them to a minimum. I optimize for the right things in my life.

In my experience, shallow social interactions and the processes for building connections are tedious for some people. (introverts?)

However, I have found that even the most solitary person really enjoys the company of someone they are in tune with and can have meaningful conversations with.

Does your claim of finding interactions tedious hold for these type of pre-existing intimate connections too ?

Just curious

Re: Who Americans spend their time with, by age

#227

Post by offtop5 »

t-writescode wrote: post #158
throwmylifawy wrote: post #79

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah I agree, it is funny hearing younger people claim that all of their friends are their best friends and as they get older their relationships dwindle. I suspect that it is crucial for young people to have more relationships in order to socialize them during early development. Once you hit your 40's having too many relationships becomes a burden.

And yet so many people on the internet mourn the difficulty of acquiring friends in their 30s, so perhaps having too many relationships is a good problem to have, given how hard it is to find someone.

I'll actually blame the internet for this.

In the 1980s if you wanted to meet someone you had to build a social circle and do things. Even though I don't like clubs, my friends would pull me to them , and occasionally I'd meet someone.

I'm not on social media/ online dating because I found it to be a stressful time suck.

Now you have an entire generation who see social circles as optional. So they sit inside all day swipping right , and when they find they've been chatting with Bots all day, they lash out on Reddit.

The best part of going out with my friends was always spending time with them. It wasn't a matter of go to club 3 times == find partner. Chilling with your friends, even just the Uber home , is its own reward.

At the same time you definitely can invest time in real social activities. A colleague of mine, who's married casually remarked all the guys in her tennis class have phds. You want to be a PhD, or another high income individual who spends his or her free time in tennis class, not an angry net citizen who complains about liberals all day on Reddit.

Re: Who Americans spend their time with, by age

#228

Post by bluntfang »

caeril wrote: post #52
wing-_-nuts wrote: post #11

I don't even want kids. I don't know why the 'time spent with one's children' line hurts so much, but it does. It sharply rises, before plummeting at age 40. That's got to be a jarring transition. No wonder so many folks have trouble with the 'empty nest' and mid-life crisis.

40 is early for the average empty-nest boundary. That comes later. Rather, the decline at 40 marks marked independence of young children transitioning into pre-adolescence and then adolescence. You see your children much less 1. when they enter school, 2. when they start forming their own extra-familial friendships, and 3. when they enter adolescence and believe their parents don't know anything.

>40 is early for the average empty-nest boundary.

maybe for your demographic (and the demographic for hackernews readers), but many American children are born to teenage and early 20s mothers.

Re: Who Americans spend their time with, by age

#229

Post by didip »

dcolkitt wrote: post #18
wing-_-nuts wrote: post #11

I don't even want kids. I don't know why the 'time spent with one's children' line hurts so much, but it does. It sharply rises, before plummeting at age 40. That's got to be a jarring transition. No wonder so many folks have trouble with the 'empty nest' and mid-life crisis.

The Western nuclear family is a very unnatural social arrangement. Anthropologists have found that in most hunter-gatherers, the average infant is held at one point or another by 30+ people in a typical day. The nuclear family has the twin downsides of putting tons of stress on parents of young kids, who shoulder the entire childcare burden, and deprives a lot of grandparents, aunts, cousins, and others of meaningful…

I watched somewhere on YouTube that nuclear family is designed to enhance consumerism. You sell less stuff if there are multiple families sharing the same items.

Re: Who Americans spend their time with, by age

#230

Post by mhh__ »

moate wrote: post #214
arcticfox wrote: post #127

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Right, but to make your point, you made the incredibly bold assumption that every minute is equally as valuable as every other minute. So because time with children = one TV episode of time, it can't be that important.

It's actually the opposite: If this time was so valuable, why wouldn't there be more of it? Why is it so important for the individual to have a child if you're never going to spend any time with them down the line? This is about what a specific culture (Modern Americans) are valuing. You can agree or disagree with that valuation (and whether it's ungrateful children or active seniors causing the time issue) but it's…

> If this time was so valuable, why wouldn't there be more of it?

Money can be exchanged for goods and services

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