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Anxiety Looks Different in Men

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Re: Anxiety Looks Different in Men

#221

Post by [deleted] »

nesadi wrote: post #140
SolaceQuantum wrote: post #137

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Toxic femininity is actually a utilized term in the same spheres as toxic masculinity was coined (ie. Academia). Toxic masculinity is not against men but against a false societal pressure that men cannot show weakness, are justified in expressing their anger with violence, and that showing aggressive behavior instead of genuinely healthy human bonding is an acceptable and many substitute. It forces pressure on men to…

> Toxic masculinity is not against men but against a false societal pressure that men cannot show weakness It seriously needs a name change, because the name implies that masculinity is toxic and that's how I've seen it interpreted.

[deleted]

Re: Anxiety Looks Different in Men

#222

Post by jdsfighter »

xkcd-sucks wrote: post #69
markwaldron wrote: post #56

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I had a very similar experience. Started when I was 25 after a 3 month stint of being unemployed. It started with a panic attack (which I thought was a heart attack at the time), and I ended up going to the hospital, a cardiologist, sleep clinic, gastro, etc. until eventually came to the conclusion it was nothing wrong with my heart but rather panic disorder. I take a low dose of xanax now and all the symptoms went a…

So I just have to ask because I've experienced tons of panic attacks but also have very strong family history of death by cardiac arrest -- Is there a subjective, experiential way to differentiate between the two? I always assume it's a panic attack "and if it's not just die in bed" but...

The problem is that both heart attacks and panic attacks share a variety of symptoms and even just learning about certain symptoms of heart attacks (after our CFO died of one about a year back) has made those symptoms manifest during my panic attacks. The other thing that makes this difficult is that anxiety attacks, panic attacks, and heart attacks don't have consistent symptoms among all individuals.

So it's really a crap shoot. I had a lot of cardiac work done, so I can pretty confidently say for the next decade or so, barring go through any drastic lifestyle changes, that my heart isn't going to go out on me. But I also found ways to mentally explain all the symptoms I was experiencing and deescalate myself.

Problem: "My chest is hurting." | Question: "Am I hyperventilating?" Problem: "My jaw is hurting." | Question: "Am I clenching my teeth?" Problem: "I feel short of breath" | Question: "Can I force myself to do breathing exercises?"

Re: Anxiety Looks Different in Men

#223

Post by [deleted] »

mattlutze wrote: post #171
bradleyjg wrote: post #139

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Toxic masculinity is stereotypical or reductive modes of action or thinking perceived by men as expected or required, which can be harmful to other men or other people. The part that no one wants to talk about is those behaviors are expected, required, and desired of men in some subcultures—-by both the men and the women of those subcultures. It isn’t purely some internal fault where some men misunderstand local no…

>> perceived by men as expected or required This is I think the part that you're describing.

[deleted]

Re: Anxiety Looks Different in Men

#224

Post by fizzledbits »

godid wrote: post #108
fizzledbits wrote: post #23

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Much the same experience here, including the difficulty with memory which I find to be the most insidious thing. What have you found helps it, if you don't mind me asking?

Not the OP but I would describe my anxiety in identical terms. When I feel the doubt about past memories/decisions start to creep, I whip out my phone and make some brief notes (usually keep one document per trigger). I will just write a few bullet points detailing what facts I am sure of right now along with the reassurances I am telling myself in that moment. Then, next time it happens I open the same note, read my…

Ah, I hadn’t thought of the journaling idea. I do try to start and end my day with brief/debrief note taking to create more continuity in my intentions and memory, but that doesn’t address other sources of anxiety in between. Thanks very much, grateful for your response.

Re: Anxiety Looks Different in Men

#225

Post by belorn »

SolaceQuantum wrote: post #137
klipt wrote: post #98

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That just sounds like misandry. Society has an attitude problem with women in some respects too, but people just call it misogyny, not "toxic femininity" or whatever. Being consistent with terminology is sadly underrated.

Toxic femininity is actually a utilized term in the same spheres as toxic masculinity was coined (ie. Academia). Toxic masculinity is not against men but against a false societal pressure that men cannot show weakness, are justified in expressing their anger with violence, and that showing aggressive behavior instead of genuinely healthy human bonding is an acceptable and many substitute. It forces pressure on men to…

You would think that Academia would use the original two terms: gender role for positive or neutral gender expectations, and gender stereotypes for negative gender expectations and labeling.

What does Toxic femininity and Toxic masculinity contribute to meaningful communication that gender stereotypes does not?

No one would take offense if I said there is a problematic gender stereotype in regard to the 'ideal' body shape for women. In comparison, the claim that bulimia is caused by toxic femininity sounds both confrontational and victim blaming.

When choosing what terms to use does not "gender stereotype" sound much more inclusive, empathic and respectful than "toxic [X]"?

Re: Anxiety Looks Different in Men

#226

Post by markwaldron »

xkcd-sucks wrote: post #69
markwaldron wrote: post #56

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I had a very similar experience. Started when I was 25 after a 3 month stint of being unemployed. It started with a panic attack (which I thought was a heart attack at the time), and I ended up going to the hospital, a cardiologist, sleep clinic, gastro, etc. until eventually came to the conclusion it was nothing wrong with my heart but rather panic disorder. I take a low dose of xanax now and all the symptoms went a…

So I just have to ask because I've experienced tons of panic attacks but also have very strong family history of death by cardiac arrest -- Is there a subjective, experiential way to differentiate between the two? I always assume it's a panic attack "and if it's not just die in bed" but...

I agree with what jdsfighter said - you should go to the doctor to get some confidence that there isn't some sort of underlying heart issue. After that though, it's really a mental game that requires/required some therapy.

My panic attacks last from 3-10 minutes typically and can go up to 90 minutes. I wear an Apple Watch which would (hopefully) let me know if I had an arrhythmia. I also check my heart rate when I'm having a panic attack (which sometimes doesn't help) and I try to see if it's consistently going up, or if with deep breathing I'm able to get it to go down. Lastly, I have the xanax, which usually fully kicks in within 10-15 minutes. My attacks have the shortness of breath, feeling like I can't catch my breath, rapid heart rate, tunnel vision, etc. I try to find a calm/quiet space to relax, listen to my Calm app, and if I'm lucky, lay down for a bit.

Re: Anxiety Looks Different in Men

#227

Post by dragonsngoblins »

n_u_l_l wrote: post #68
jdsfighter wrote: post #9

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I was only recently diagnosed with anxiety after spending thousands and thousands on an emergency room visit and visits to a cardiologist, and I work for a healthcare company with free access to GPs! I had a variety of symptoms and none of them immediately seemed to shout "anxiety" to my physicians. I was given dozens of blood screenings, X-Rays, CT Scans, EKGs, Echocardiograms, stress tests, sleep studies, only to b…

Thank you for writing this. Last December I started getting some kind of weird 'fog' in my head. I didn't take it seriously when it first started and thought it would go away on its own. But instead it became worse and I got severely cognitively impaired. My speech got slow, I forgot basic words, I forgot names of people I knew, my logical thinking was impaired. It improved a little bit but I'm still incredibly cogni…

I had this problem and assumed I was just getting older and dumber... In my defense my thinking was impaired at the time. I had a sleep apnoea so I echo people mentioning sleep issues as a potential cause.

Re: Anxiety Looks Different in Men

#228

Post by [deleted] »

rubicon33 wrote: post #91
throwaway93749 wrote: post #79

Earlier quoted context omitted.

In my case, getting hired by one of the Big Four tech companies. Always was a high performer, but didn't feel satisfied at other companies. I felt I was worth much more than what I was getting paid. I needed the validation and at least the perception of being with the best. I kept pushing my application since it felt daunting and I had failed Google once. I also made up excuses why a big tech company isn't worth it a…

How did you overcome the 'I shouldn't have to go through whiteboarding' problem? The riddles, and the whiteboards, are why I turn down all big 4 recruiter emails.

[deleted]

Re: Anxiety Looks Different in Men

#229

Post by physcab »

Retra wrote: post #180
dkarl wrote: post #40

Anxiety is one of the emotions that I have to consciously think about how to express. I have to imagine what people look like in the movies when they're scared, and then I try to reproduce it. I can show many other emotions naturally, without thinking about it: happiness, anger, disgust. But fear I have to consciously simulate. (I suppose if I was in a bus going off the edge of a cliff or someone stuck a gun in my fa…

I have the opposite problem: I don't know what anxiety is. Supposedly it's an emotion people have (and it's certainly possible I feel it too,) but I have no way to identify my feelings as anxiety because nobody has ever expressed the meaning of that term in a way the conforms to any feeling I have ever had.

What I’ve heard from my therapist is that anxiety is often a cloud that covers the real emotion underneath. I experience anxiety when I’m really upset because I don’t know how to express anger. But sometimes it is sadness or fear. Anxiety is basically an evolutionary adaptation — we no longer are being hunted or having to hunt for survival, but our minds still think danger is present.

Re: Anxiety Looks Different in Men

#230

Post by agent008t »

bradenb wrote: post #189

This article helped me to realize I probably should be seeking help for anxiety. I always knew I had anxious tendencies, but I didn't ever think I was just "sucking it up" until I read this. I grew up being taught that drinking alcohol is a sin and drugs are evil and your body is sacred. Although I don't hold those beliefs myself I can't help but be manipulated by them. In actuality, I think I'm glad I was raised tha…

Judging by this thread, this seems like the norm. (Social) media makes it seem like it isn't.
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