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Diamonds Suck (2006)

diamondssuck.com

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Re: Diamonds Suck (2006)

#221

Post by GimbalLock »

bitwize wrote: post #188
GimbalLock wrote: post #87

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Powerless? No. Just don’t buy it. It really is that simple. You don’t have to change everyone’s mind. Just stand up for yourself.

And say goodbye to the girl of your dreams, who was really looking forward to showing her friends the "rock" on her finger and hearing them ooh and ahh over it. Even if she doesn't leave you over this, unless you somehow married a Hackernews you've set up the image in her head that you're a skinflint who isn't willing to provide for your wife and it will affect your relationship in negative ways. Is your autism that…

No need to baselessly suggest autism. There are people who don’t care about these things. Find one of them. It’s not hard. I’ve known several.

Re: Diamonds Suck (2006)

#222

Post by isostatic »

RandallBrown wrote: post #146
lordvigm wrote: post #107

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Holy shit 30k? Hopefully the average is just skewed up by rich people. If middle class people are plunking down that much, it would be insane

I don't think so. I'm currently planning a wedding and while I hope to see the final price is under 30k, it would be very easy to go that high. Just buying dinner and drinks for 150 people (which seems like a lot, but it's really easy to come up with a list that long) will probably cost you $5000. Then you need another place to put those people and that's another $5000. Then you might want a nice photographer for at…

Or you have a barbeque on the beach and spend $200 on meat, with BYOB.

Re: Diamonds Suck (2006)

#223

Post by DoreenMichele »

isostatic wrote: post #4

> If I can prevent a single reader from needlessly dropping $6,000-10,000+ on a diamond engagement ring, this site will be a success. Financial worries are the #1 cause of stress in a married relationship - there is absolutely NO excuse to start your married life by taking on that level of debt. Average U.S. wedding cost $30k in 2014, while the average engagement ring was $5600, or 19% of the cost [0] https://www.val…

I just do not get why anyone would spend that kind of money on a wedding under circumstances where they have to borrow to do it, which supposedly anywhere from one third to three quarters of people do. If you can afford to pay cash and want a big party, okay, fine, it's your money. I don't have to get the appeal. But, supposedly, some high percentage of people actually go into debt to get hitched. And that's just seriously problematic.

https://studentloanhero.com/featured/wedding-costs-survey-co...

https://www.marketwatch.com/story/one-third-of-couples-go-in...

Re: Diamonds Suck (2006)

#224

Post by mmt »

cf498 wrote: post #218
koolba wrote: post #208

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Weddings are a good example of horrible vicious social pressure depending on where you live. Fight the power! Be the change! > Too much of this is similar to "The child of a proper family marries at a certain age and gets a proper wedding". Getting married "at a certain age" (i.e. young) isn't necessarily a bad thing. On the contrary, I'd argue that being a parent (or grandparent!) while you're still young, active,…

The emphasis is on "proper", i.e. the pressure to do that at the socially required age in the expected fashion to proof your worth, which you find in different versions throughout large parts of the world. Be it most blatantly the shaming of older unmarried women in Chinese society or more practically arranged marriages of young girls in rural middle eastern areas. Honor killings are just the crassest and most public…

> continually pressuring spouses to spend above their means

(I agree with you).. but back to the original commenter's point about the behavior, versus the object of the behavior:

Do you believe that eliminating (or sufficienctly discouraging through education or contrary social pressure) diamonds and/or expensive weddings would sufficiently eliminate this spending above ones means? Or would that spending just shift to other targets, such as different jewelry (which even the article refers to in talking about spending more money on setting instead) or experiences?

Re: Diamonds Suck (2006)

#225

Post by cf498 »

mmt wrote: post #224
cf498 wrote: post #218

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The emphasis is on "proper", i.e. the pressure to do that at the socially required age in the expected fashion to proof your worth, which you find in different versions throughout large parts of the world. Be it most blatantly the shaming of older unmarried women in Chinese society or more practically arranged marriages of young girls in rural middle eastern areas. Honor killings are just the crassest and most public…

> continually pressuring spouses to spend above their means (I agree with you).. but back to the original commenter's point about the behavior, versus the object of the behavior: Do you believe that eliminating (or sufficienctly discouraging through education or contrary social pressure) diamonds and/or expensive weddings would sufficiently eliminate this spending above ones means? Or would that spending just shift t…

I dont think its about how much marriages or diamonds cost. Sure, diamonds are a scam, but the real problem lies with social pressure out of "tradition". Advertisement induced spending for stuff like engagement rings is a much smaller problem.

Having your fiance wanting a diamond ring is a different problem then your mother in law pushing you to spend 30k on your wedding to show off to the neighbors.

Advertisement based spending is just another set of problems when it develops without outside social pressure. Its the difference between your wife needing to show off to her mother and girlfriends, wanting to show off. or you two agreeing about how it might be spend best.

Just to point out though, while the example of diamond rings is focused on the female spouse, this isnt a issue that only happens with her. Pick another example and you could switch the roles.

The last option, of discussing how to spend the money, is simply about the state of your relationship. If you two agree that spending 30k is worth the fun of taking a few month off for vacation, all the best to you. Just do it because you want to, not because you think you have to.

Re: Diamonds Suck (2006)

#226

Post by dang »

to_bpr wrote: post #189
Antimachides wrote: post #131

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not fine with me. If a girl wanted a diamond ring and/or and extravagant wedding I'd dump her. Materialistic, low IQ and shallow. Though that's what most people are, I suppose.

>Materialistic, low IQ and shallow. Though that's what most people are, I suppose. You should look into getting a therapist to talk through whatever has soured your outlook on life to this point of bitter cynicism.

This comment breaks the site guidelines by crossing into personal attack, and also by feeding a flamewar by replying. Please don't do that. Just flag the egregious comments instead.

https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html

Re: Diamonds Suck (2006)

#227

Post by to_bpr »

dang wrote: post #226
to_bpr wrote: post #189

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>Materialistic, low IQ and shallow. Though that's what most people are, I suppose. You should look into getting a therapist to talk through whatever has soured your outlook on life to this point of bitter cynicism.

This comment breaks the site guidelines by crossing into personal attack, and also by feeding a flamewar by replying. Please don't do that. Just flag the egregious comments instead. https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html

This wasn't a personal attack. It was an earnest suggestion.

Re: Diamonds Suck (2006)

#228

Post by dang »

to_bpr wrote: post #227
dang wrote: post #226

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This comment breaks the site guidelines by crossing into personal attack, and also by feeding a flamewar by replying. Please don't do that. Just flag the egregious comments instead. https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html

This wasn't a personal attack. It was an earnest suggestion.

I believe you. But if you're going to venture into personally intimate areas like whether someone needs psychotherapy, the burden is on you to clearly disambiguate your intent, because these moves are commonly used to snark at and demean others.

Re: Diamonds Suck (2006)

#229

Post by mchahn »

isostatic wrote: post #4

> If I can prevent a single reader from needlessly dropping $6,000-10,000+ on a diamond engagement ring, this site will be a success. Financial worries are the #1 cause of stress in a married relationship - there is absolutely NO excuse to start your married life by taking on that level of debt. Average U.S. wedding cost $30k in 2014, while the average engagement ring was $5600, or 19% of the cost [0] https://www.val…

> especially given about half will end in divorce

That ancient statistic is very misleading. It is derived from dividing the number of divorces by the number of marriages. A more interesting statistic is the number of people who get married and then divorced compared to the overall population. This is much lower since some people have a lot of divorces.

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