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Things I want to say to my boss

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211–220 of 238 posts

Re: Things I want to say to my boss

#211

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What are we going to do about it? Many of us are withdrawing, just putting in the time without real effort, "quiet quitting". Companies still get us, but they don't get our best. Some instead turn into... well, in the sports world, they would be called "locker room cancers". People who bring a bad attitude, and communicate it to others. Either way, companies wind up harmed by this - harmed, eventually, in terms of th…

> What are we going to do about it? Many of us are withdrawing, just putting in the time without real effort, "quiet quitting". Companies still get us, but they don't get our best. That you are framing it for apparent familiarity with the nonsense term quiet-quitting says a lot.

Pedantically there is nothing worse than cliches that are literally nonsense.

Fortunately communication is usually conceptual like a metaphor.

Re: Things I want to say to my boss

#212

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah but in general French approach to work and US ones are... not similar, dare I say the opposite of each other. Often 10 weeks of paid vacation vs 2 (4 is already a big perk). How sick leave is treated or general health issues. Number of public holidays. And so on. So this view difference makes complete sense.

I agree with your sentiment. Work in France sounds like hell -- not for the work-life balance, but for the compensation model. Sorry to all of the French readers here. (You may feel similar to the United States or other places.) In these countries were the labour laws are extremely in favour of the worker (France, Germany, Italy, etc.), the pay for technologists is generally awful and there is very little upside. If…

Ha today I learned something, you are correct its 11 in US too. But it seems (according to gemini) that in US folks do not get automatically a fully paid day off on every one, which is the default in Europe. We often have 'labor day' wich are other types (acknowledged but no day off)

Re: Things I want to say to my boss

#213
post #138

Peter Drucker wrote that the most important thing a manager could have was 'character'. I've asked myself "What is character?", and the best answer I've come up with is: "The willingness to do the right thing regardless of negative consequences to oneself." When I look at myself, I don't believe I have character. I want to be liked too much, and in my emotional core, I'm frightened. I don't think I'm alone in this. I…

Thanks for the vulnerability and full marks for self awareness.

> I want to be liked too much, and in my emotional core, I'm frightened. I don't think I'm alone in this.

This makes at least the two of us. Of late, I’ve been observing how frightened my inner child becomes when it perceives not being liked. I’m straddling the line between the temptation to feel relieved by being liked and the survival-level fear when faced with disapproval. Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out.

Re: Things I want to say to my boss

#214

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As I've seen it younger engineers simply focus a lot more on money and their career growth versus the product or whatever their own sense of "the right thing is". That makes the stock go up and everyone is happy more or less. At the same time a lot of experienced engineers get very upset at the suggestion that they should do likewise.

If this were good for stock go up 9/10 startups wouldn't fail. While cutting corners can be needed at times doing the wrong thing doesn't. Eventually the wrong thing also pisses off the market and turns your company into a joke with a bad reputation.

company into a joke with a bad reputation

... which doesn't really matter anymore either as long as it's profitable, see Facebook, Twitter, Boeing...

Re: Things I want to say to my boss

#215

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That's exactly what happened. I tried improving processes and worked so hard that I neglected my wife. I was removed because the team lead thought I'm going over his head... while I coordinated every move with him. But the moment I disagreed with him -- once, and for the first time -- I was removed. Zero discussion. I'm quite empathetic. My original message above comes from bitterness because neither extreme is good.…

Go somewhere you’re valued? Why compromise your own values to make your manager happy. Empathy is a super power because it helps you understand people and connect with them, and connecting and collaborating is how we succeed. You’re deciding to cut that off in response to what sounds like a shit situation, like cutting off your own fingers.

I'm currently trying to go where I'm valued. Unlike a lot of privileged people who only have to pick up the phone, I actually have to do interviews. Takes time and a lot of energy.

As mentioned elsewhere, being empathetic landed me in this crappy situation so sometimes I have my doubts of the strategic value of that trait.

I don't punish others for the a-holery of those who wronged me. Seems to work wonders so far and things are turning around in a very positive way. I'm just despairing how much time it all takes.

Re: Things I want to say to my boss

#216

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This one trips me up. Why are we sensitive about the word "resource"? Literally nothing about the word "resource" has negative connotations for me. Resources are finite and precious. They are protected and important. Sometimes they are exploited and undervalued, sure. What isn't? Certainly not humans or employees. Every project requires resources. Some of them are human. It's just a category. Would you be less bother…

>Why are we sensitive about the word "resource"? It's simple dehumanization. It's not outlandish or anything, it's just really easy to notice. And the sophistry to try make them equivalent terms is also easy to notice. For a business to need resources it means a category of stuff that can include people, tools, raw materials, etc... Using the name of a category to mean one thing inside it instead of explicitly naming…

Because starting from the 1980's corporate organisation was focused on managing resources, of which humans were a part that had to be dehumanized to fit with the rest of the theory. There was a brief phase where it was called HCM - human capital management, but that never caught on widely; so HRM it is with a focus on managing as opposed to organising and supporting. https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/evolution-hr-terminology-why-...

Re: Things I want to say to my boss

#217
post #138

Peter Drucker wrote that the most important thing a manager could have was 'character'. I've asked myself "What is character?", and the best answer I've come up with is: "The willingness to do the right thing regardless of negative consequences to oneself." When I look at myself, I don't believe I have character. I want to be liked too much, and in my emotional core, I'm frightened. I don't think I'm alone in this. I…

I’m certainly not an expert, but just based on my personal experiences, I think “character” is the distillation of a lot of different aspects of self, some of which are binary haves/don’t haves (“people listen when you speak”) and others that are more of a spectrum (a “willingness to speak up” is easier when the consequences are low).

That is to say, it’s really really hard to pinpoint exactly what makes up character and whether someone has it. So when we DO cross paths with those who clearly have character it’s all the more reason to network, communicate, and keep those people in our orbit, so that we might learn from them and maybe have a little bit of their character rub off on us.

Re: Things I want to say to my boss

#218
post #138

Peter Drucker wrote that the most important thing a manager could have was 'character'. I've asked myself "What is character?", and the best answer I've come up with is: "The willingness to do the right thing regardless of negative consequences to oneself." When I look at myself, I don't believe I have character. I want to be liked too much, and in my emotional core, I'm frightened. I don't think I'm alone in this. I…

I feel like the solution is ultimately going to be some kind of trust-less or low-trust system that ultimately incentivizes every individual to do the right thing, no matter where they might be in the hierarchy. We can't rely on top-down leadership spontaneously getting it right, let alone bottom-up leadership. This is why we need an external system that can incentivize people effectively, while being fully observable, trustable, reproducible, etc.

Re: Things I want to say to my boss

#220

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This one trips me up. Why are we sensitive about the word "resource"? Literally nothing about the word "resource" has negative connotations for me. Resources are finite and precious. They are protected and important. Sometimes they are exploited and undervalued, sure. What isn't? Certainly not humans or employees. Every project requires resources. Some of them are human. It's just a category. Would you be less bother…

> Would you be less bothered if he said "I've got a human for that"? Or "I've got a worker for that"? "The staff to handle that need is available"? "I've got a worker" is still somewhat dehumanising. "I have the staff for that" is somewhat less dehumanising. But, for example, "yes we have someone here that can work on this with you" is so obviously less dehumanising. I find it surprising that people would ever be con…

How about something like "Yes, we have the resources to handle that project"?

> Four people in a small business cannot really ever be a "category".

Sure they can -- they are all employees, for example.

I agree that "resource" is an impersonal word when used for "staff" (largely because it can apply to non-human things). I just don't feel the need to be considered more than a resource at work.

I bring special skills and knowledge, I have no concern that I am an interchangeable cog in the wheel of industry -- and yet at the same time, I have no illusions that I cannot be replaced (on some possibly-inconvenient timescale for business operations, although certainly that has varied over time in my employment history).

Actually that raises an interesting question, I think. When I was in high school, I worked a few summer temp jobs as unskilled labor. If anyone had called me a "resource" then, it would have felt patronizingly euphemistic to the point of absurdity. I was just a body. So in that case "resource" would be a silly upgrade.

So I guess it comes down to context. I can see where a four-person company, especially if you've been there a while, has a much higher expectation of personal relationships.

You mentioned that your boss was on the phone. The other party to the conversation might have been further removed (org chart-wise) from their staff. They might think only in resource allocation and not know any names or capacities at the productive level in their own org, never mind yours. Since they are a client, your boss may have mirrored their language, even though he was speaking about a full human, and within earshot of that human.

I don't know, maybe your boss was just a jerk in general, and this word was enough to make you feel like it was a summary of how he thought about you.

But maybe it was just a word. Neither incorrect, nor intentionally offensive.

Obviously, words can be triggers. I'm in the camp that believes they should not be, for all sorts of logical reasons, but I'm not an absolutist. Some words are intended to be triggering, for example, and although I think it's a mistake to give them that power, I understand it's not that simple and that I speak from a position of privilege.

However, I don't think that "resource" has reached the point of social awareness that it is actually offensive to some people. I think that most people who use the word intend no offense, and are not thinking in a way that, if fully explained, would be offensive.

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