Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

My Time Working at Stripe

jondlm.github.io

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

211–220 of 396 posts

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#211

Post by wtroughton »

fnordpiglet wrote: post #30

These symptoms are a classic sign of burn out. One thing I notice in your writing is you’re very tied up in things having meaning and mattering in some specific way. This itself can lead to burnout because if everything must matter you must be emotionally invested in everything. But you can care without it mattering to you. You can do a good job without being totally invested in everything about it. You can love what…

“A shared fiction in the world to help frame interactions between people”. You sir are a natural philosopher.

I think what’s universally important is to keep active and engaged in what we’re doing. Some of us have to tell fictions that what we’re doing has meaning, whilst others just know what brings meaning to their life.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#212

Post by chinathrow »

pavel_lishin wrote: post #165
dnissley wrote: post #157

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Is it something bad happening to your kids? That seems perfectly appropriate to share

I don't fucking want to think about that during a fucking team building exercise. And I don't think anyone else wants to hear that, either.

Neither would I. I can only think of this question having any place in such a situation if you suffix it by "at work" and exclude the obvious things such as getting fired or the company going bust.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#213

Post by biorach »

TrainedMonkey wrote: post #58
cpursley wrote: post #45

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It’s pretty nuts, putting out your dirty laundry in public is a surefire way to self sabotage - especially in a work setting. In American culture, there’s a lot of “positive self help” talk about being open about these things. But the reality is - it actually just provides drama and ammunition to people who might not have your best interests at heart. Some things are best kept between your close trusted friends and f…

> Some things are best kept between your close trusted friends and family or therapist, no matter how trendy the culture is about being “open”. This makes total sense if you have a therapist and / or have friends you can be vulnerable with (and know how to). But there are undoubtedly those who do not have that. For them the risk of career sabotage vs a change of improved quality of life might be worth considering. I…

> For them the risk of career sabotage vs a change of improved quality of life might be worth considering

The risk is way too high

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#214

Post by Aurornis »

DeathArrow wrote: post #31

>he asked the team, “for this meeting I’d like us to try and introduce ourselves a little differently. If you’re comfortable, I’d like us to try and be 10% more vulnerable than we normally would in a work setting.” I remember feeling a mix of anxiety and excitement rise in my chest. I sat pondering what I would share. I decided to go for more than 10%. I shared about how my marriage had almost collapsed a couple year…

In recent years I had a manager who read a lot of pop-psychology and self-help books. His 1:1s turned into pseudo therapy sessions where he tried to assume the role of therapist. He and I did not get along because I politely changed the subject back to work and the office every time he tried to get me to “open up” about my childhood, my home life, my fears and anxieties, and other topics.

I thought he was a weird outlier, but I joined an invite-only Slack for management a while ago where I’d estimate 1/4 of the topics in the #1-on-1s channel are from managers trying to psychoanalyze their team or act as therapists. The good news is that the Slack is very good about correcting these people about their role and what is appropriate for work. The bad news is that these new managers are getting the idea from somewhere that they need to be some type of therapist and patriarch of the team. It feels like a weird iteration of new-age management philosophies that breed in B-list business books and social media like LinkedIn.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#215

Post by elygre »

captnObvious wrote: post #156
dymk wrote: post #128

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If you were my boss and did this I'd be going to my skip manager to complain.

It sounded like an optional request not a command. I’ve managed and I’ve been managed and the relationship ships I’ve built along the way are deep enough to have conversations like these. We’re doing life with this people it’s not a dystopian novel about capitalism. If you have a genuine person as your boss moments like these help form friendships, and don’t feel like a dark Dilbert comic. Friendships increase team c…

Thank you for this comment. I know the US is different from where I live, but the distrust shown in other comments just made me very depressed.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#216

Post by kyleee »

baxtr wrote: post #112
wkjagt wrote: post #84

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Post: "If you’re comfortable, I’d like us to try and be 10% more vulnerable" This comment: "I'd rather not have my manager forcing me to do group therapy." How did "if you’re comfortable" become "forcing me", and "try and be 10% more vulnerable" become "group therapy"?

The thing is - and the post actually showcases this - that "10% more vulnerable" is super abstract. What does that even mean? Seems like it triggers people to share very deep stuff.

People are very weird. 10% more vulnerable to me would be a story about “I’m not very good at painting but I like it” or “I have 6 toes on my left foot”. As opposed to divorce, bipolar, etc.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#217

Post by Tainnor »

ruthmarx wrote: post #106
DeathArrow wrote: post #31

>he asked the team, “for this meeting I’d like us to try and introduce ourselves a little differently. If you’re comfortable, I’d like us to try and be 10% more vulnerable than we normally would in a work setting.” I remember feeling a mix of anxiety and excitement rise in my chest. I sat pondering what I would share. I decided to go for more than 10%. I shared about how my marriage had almost collapsed a couple year…

10% more vulnerable than normal is open to interpretation. You don't need to lie or put anyone on a list, it's just an attempt to foster persona relations between a team, the idea being with a little empathy and knowledge of each other people might be more likely to resolve future differences amicably.

It's funny how people in this thread are arguing that the 10% isn't a big deal when we have TFA describing how they shared personal details about their divorce upon hearing this prompt, and that other people apparently shared even more intimate things.

There are ways of lighten the mood that are decidedly less abusive, such as "tell us something funny about yourself" or "what is your hobby?". You don't have to like such questions either but at least they're not open invitations for trauma dumping.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#218

Post by elygre »

mywacaday wrote: post #93
DeathArrow wrote: post #31

>he asked the team, “for this meeting I’d like us to try and introduce ourselves a little differently. If you’re comfortable, I’d like us to try and be 10% more vulnerable than we normally would in a work setting.” I remember feeling a mix of anxiety and excitement rise in my chest. I sat pondering what I would share. I decided to go for more than 10%. I shared about how my marriage had almost collapsed a couple year…

I work in manufacturing and we have a weekly safety slide that normally presents a safety based work scenario or learning, this week's one was based on how to be safe while out trick or treating and one of the guys said he didn't appreciate being told in how to behave outside of work hours. I have have to admit that his attitude caught me off guard but I understand where he is coming from even if the intention comes…

[flagged]

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#219

Post by mattgreenrocks »

Aeolun wrote: post #82
immibis wrote: post #54

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Well, your choices are that or death - no matter whether you give it bare minimum effort or a lot of effort.

You you actually feel fulfilled giving anything minimum effort? Like, I’m not going to work overtime for free or anything, but the time I do work gets my best effort.

Cynicism is a cope for not doing the work. Minimum effort is exhausting for the long term.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#220

Post by kelvinjps10 »

fnordpiglet wrote: post #30

These symptoms are a classic sign of burn out. One thing I notice in your writing is you’re very tied up in things having meaning and mattering in some specific way. This itself can lead to burnout because if everything must matter you must be emotionally invested in everything. But you can care without it mattering to you. You can do a good job without being totally invested in everything about it. You can love what…

Great comment
Post reply on HN