Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

wsj.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

211–220 of 249 posts

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#211

Post by capableweb »

rcarr wrote: post #199
capableweb wrote: post #181

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Beats ruining your health and draining your soul by lifting heavy stuff at a construction site all day for $50k a year.

Is it though? The people I’ve met in construction across all spans of life are generally friendlier, healthier and happier than those working the desk jobs and earning more money.

In my experience, yeah. My friends who are pushing 50 and worked a life in construction (physical labor, not managers or working in a office) have really annoying pains in one place or another. I agree that they're generally friendly and perhaps happier, as their job doesn't seem to bleed into their life as much as for my friends who works in offices, but I'm pretty sure their bodies have taken a lot more pain over the years and it's coming back to haunt them as they grow older.

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#212

Post by dTal »

donatj wrote: post #120
version_five wrote: post #88

When I did my PhD I hated it when (most) people asked about my research. It's not because I wasn't interested, it's because I'm really interested and was (still am) bad at giving concise summaries, so I felt like people who really didn't care and wouldn't listen to the answer were asking me to embark on a long explanation that required a bunch of preamble etc, just in order to make conversation. Anyway, I feel largel…

You can really just give your title and a little flavor. I generally say “Oh, I’m a software developer for an educational company. I work on a reading app.” and that’s usually all there is to that unless they ask follow-up questions; I would say that’s less than a third of the time. Every once in a while you get the hyper-interested person who asks a ton of follow-ups but they’re at least usually actually listening.

That doesn't work if your field is super weird and niche. You end up giving the same elevator pitch over, and over, and over... I suppose it's a "nice problem to have".

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#213

Post by Manjuuu »

astura wrote: post #139
Manjuuu wrote: post #100

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Most of the time people steer the conversation right back to the two big hitters - how much money do you make and who are you sleeping with. This is probably the segue I hate the most and consider a deal breaker for any future interaction. A lot of people DO ask directly how much money do you make.

Must be culture or gender specific - I'm over 40 and I've literally never been asked how much money I make. Are you talking about romantic partners?

Complete strangers, but yes, I can confirm that it seems heavily culture related.

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#214

Post by ismokedoinks »

bl4ckm0r3 wrote: post #163
zamnos wrote: post #101

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It depends on who you're talking to in San Francisco, and everywhere, really. In my part of San Francisco, we don't ask the question what do you do, because that automatically slots you into one class or the other in the hierarchy, and so we intentionally avoid that in order to be able to interact without prejudice. Different scenes, same (tiny) city.

One day at farmers market i was buying tomatoes and the guy asked me what was my job (swe) and he started saying that he was only there to help his brother and that he works for a company that sells firewalls to other companies and tried to sell me the product, while putting tomatoes in a paper bag.

Sounds like you were both trying to feed your families :-) unfortunate that it makes so many of our interactions feel artificial

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#215

Post by 908B64B197 »

somewhereoutth wrote: post #140
iLoveOncall wrote: post #132

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The list is obvious flamebait, just don't fall for it.

Sadly, it is in fact very real. The difference in how you are treated as an architect vs an engineer [in the UK] is really quite astonishing. And also perhaps with good reason, as an architect you are keeper of the magic and mystery of the 'queen of the arts', whereas as an engineer you are just there to fix the tv/computer/iphone/whatever. As an architect you are part of polite conversation about what the world is/w…

> whereas as an engineer you are just there to fix the tv/computer/iphone/whatever.

I find it interesting because it reveals so much about a society (and why the UK simply couldn't grow a real tech sector). Here in America some sneer at the terms architects or engineer being used to refer to people in tech, but nobody would consider computers and iPhones to be beneath buildings. Then again, it was all engineered right here; an All American creation.

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#216

Post by c22 »

leroy-is-here wrote: post #116
clnq wrote: post #77

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Around a decade ago, I stopped asking people the basic questions, like what they do, where they're from, how old they are, or their gender and pronouns when that is unclear. I find that it's irrelevant and will bias the relationship for no good reason. I had a good friend with whom I mostly kept in touch over the phone and online for many years, and I didn't know their name until they died and I got a call from their…

How did you manage to have a phone friend without knowing their name? You’re gonna have to tell that story. I absolutely agree btw, people are more than just their job. And most hate, or are disinterested, in their work. I’m interested them _them_, not their occupation. But it’s no secret that many, especially here, make their occupation a fundamental aspect of themselves.

For a few years I had a random number that would text me on major holidays to wish me a happy whatever. I'd return the sentiment and sometimes we'd talk more, a few times we ended up in long back and forth text threads that lasted a couple days. At some point I admitted that I didn't know who they were and asked their name, it turned out they thought I was someone else and they had the wrong number. After that I stopped hearing from them. I tried reaching out on a couple more holidays but they just ghosted me.

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#217

Post by leroy-is-here »

c22 wrote: post #216
leroy-is-here wrote: post #116

Earlier quoted context omitted.

How did you manage to have a phone friend without knowing their name? You’re gonna have to tell that story. I absolutely agree btw, people are more than just their job. And most hate, or are disinterested, in their work. I’m interested them _them_, not their occupation. But it’s no secret that many, especially here, make their occupation a fundamental aspect of themselves.

For a few years I had a random number that would text me on major holidays to wish me a happy whatever. I'd return the sentiment and sometimes we'd talk more, a few times we ended up in long back and forth text threads that lasted a couple days. At some point I admitted that I didn't know who they were and asked their name, it turned out they thought I was someone else and they had the wrong number. After that I stop…

That’s a real shame. Sometimes people need a reason, other than friendship, to be friends.

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#219

Post by CoastalCoder »

jraph wrote: post #131
darkerside wrote: post #105

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> bad at giving concise summaries This seems like something you could work on instead of implying it's other people's fault for asking you about a topic that they don't know they aren't interested in yet. If you have a punchy 20 second description, and then ask what they do, you'll have pivoted away unless they want to bring it back.

To be fair, I think the parent commenter is aware this is not the fault of the one who asked. Though when doing a PhD, it's a worthy goal to be able do give a quick description. It also forces you to think about the goal / meaning of your work. Some topics are more easily summarized, but still. We do science for people, it's only fair to be able to present them your work more or less roughly. I had something for peop…

Well now I'm interested. Want to share more details?

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#220

Post by donatj »

dTal wrote: post #212
donatj wrote: post #120

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You can really just give your title and a little flavor. I generally say “Oh, I’m a software developer for an educational company. I work on a reading app.” and that’s usually all there is to that unless they ask follow-up questions; I would say that’s less than a third of the time. Every once in a while you get the hyper-interested person who asks a ton of follow-ups but they’re at least usually actually listening.

That doesn't work if your field is super weird and niche. You end up giving the same elevator pitch over, and over, and over... I suppose it's a "nice problem to have".

I'd be very curious to hear an example that couldn't be summarized as "I am a doing ".

Of people I know, the most niche I can think of is doing work with programming mitochondrial DNA and my answer for her job would simply be "I'm a scientist studying cells for ."

Post reply on HN