How we turned the tables to catch my sister’s Bumble stalker • Hacker News Board

Re: How we turned the tables to catch my sister’s Bumble stalker

#211

Post by omegaworks » Tue, Jan 24, 2023, 7:31 PM UTC

pikma wrote: post #142

JumpCrisscross wrote: post #58

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> nothing would have come of it had they not traced the guy Notify the cops. Track the guy down. Go to the station and request someone come out with you. This takes cops off the desk, which they’re rarely against unless you’re a nutter.

Where do you live? In SF, last time I tried to get the cops to come out of their desk (to arrest a bike thief who was selling my stolen bike literally 3 blocks away from the station), they told me that they couldn't do it. One of the excuses they used was that it was too far: if I could get the thief to enter the police station then they would help me.

SFPD is notoriously, maliciously useless. It's a political tactic that they've used to wring more funding, less oversight and fancy surveillance gadgets from the city. The previous DA had to rent a U-Haul himself to seize stolen property from a shady business[1] that was involved in organized car breakins. In 1975 they set a bomb off on the mayor's lawn to get him to concede to their strike demands[2].

They're not there to help you, little bike owner. They're there to ensure the value extraction and capital accumulation machine stays lubricated.

1. https://www.kron4.com/news/bay-area/boudin-forced-to-rent-u-...

2. https://scholar.google.com/scholar_case?case=163878616863437...

Re: How we turned the tables to catch my sister’s Bumble stalker

#212

Post by SergeAx » Tue, Jan 24, 2023, 8:17 PM UTC

MagicMoonlight wrote: post #187

SergeAx wrote: post #164

> When someone installs your app, you need to detect whether they have already installed it previously. If they have, then their activity (including blocks and people who have already declined them) should be linked to this new account Quite the contrary, every user has a right to be totally forgotten and their data deleted permanently. [Un?]fortunately.

So I can just tell the police to delete crimes right?

If you living in EU and this is an Apple Police App - you should, IMO.

Re: How we turned the tables to catch my sister’s Bumble stalker

#213

Post by isk517 » Tue, Jan 24, 2023, 9:13 PM UTC

Major_Grooves wrote: post #167

isk517 wrote: post #22

Earlier quoted context omitted.

While I do agree that what they did is risky, the article does mention that the police had already been notified after previous incidents. Of course if they failed to alert the police after they had the video evidence of the same guy vandalizing the car night after night then I will fully agree complete idiots, otherwise I can sympathize with their desire to go above and beyond to help their sister.

"Complete idiots"might be a slight exaggeration, but hey no offence taken. iirc they knew we had video, but the video of the car vandalism was never going to be enough to do anything. They had not seen that specific video. In the end it was only a small part of the evidence package.

Thanks for the response. Just to clarify, the 'complete idiots' comment was only applicable in the event you had completely ignored the police while gathering the evidence. Since you seemed to have been in contact with them and realized they were not going to act I honestly applaud you and brother for taking steps to ensure your sister doesn't end up as a 'statistic' as they say.

Re: How we turned the tables to catch my sister’s Bumble stalker

#214

Post by plusminusplus » Tue, Jan 24, 2023, 9:26 PM UTC

ithinkso wrote: post #181

plusminusplus wrote: post #135

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Wow, thank you for your honesty (especially on a site where you can't delete comments).

> (especially on a site where you can't delete comments) Though I think the username annie_muss is a play on anonymous

usually it's a play on animus

Re: How we turned the tables to catch my sister’s Bumble stalker

#215

Post by AtlasBarfed » Tue, Jan 24, 2023, 10:11 PM UTC

ketzo wrote: post #3

Maybe obvious, but uh: don’t fucking do this! I get it, I'm an older brother, I would wanna go ballistic too. But the fact that these guys skipped over "notify the police" and went straight to "seek out in-person confrontation" is insane! Stalkers are not people in their right mind. Staking out and planning to “citizen’s arrest”(???) someone who has repeatedly visited late at night to threaten and harass is NOT SAFE…

Well, it certainly helps there is an effective police force where they are.

In the US, the police wouldn't have done much. Maybe issue a restraining order or three if she's lucky.

Also helps that the danger of everyone carrying murder device firearms isn't as prevalent over there.

Re: How we turned the tables to catch my sister’s Bumble stalker

#216

Post by vorpalhex » Tue, Jan 24, 2023, 10:11 PM UTC

femto wrote: post #73

vorpalhex wrote: post #46

Earlier quoted context omitted.

So you confront someone you think is a criminal with a group of men and get into a brawl. How much time are you willing to spend in jail? Even if the gent is a stalker and you are right - you still instigated a brawl! You still assaulted (or more) someone. If your thought process is "ah but he won't have a gun! My lads and me will really have an easy time now!" that may be a sign you are doing something unwise. And w…

> you still instigated a brawl! Why go in with an assumption that violence is going to occur? That's a recipe for trouble. You would have to pick your friends carefully, so none of them loose their cool. If there is going to be violence or any contact, let the stalker initiate it. I'm not arguing that it would be risk free or a lark. It's a case of accepting the risks and being happy that the likely outcome would jus…

If you don't believe violence is going to occur, why not go alone?

Re: How we turned the tables to catch my sister’s Bumble stalker

#217

Post by yreg » Tue, Jan 24, 2023, 11:33 PM UTC

newZWhoDis wrote: post #124

yreg wrote: post #96

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Haha, the funny thing is that the service isn’t even storing that piece of data – the user is! So GDPR, etc. should be covered. Although, if the user finds out about the mechanism they can just delete the entry from their keychain.

That keychain is different from the publicly viewable one in settings

I think you are incorrect. I've looked into my Keychain Access > iCloud on Mac and found some entries that seemlike they were created with the APIs you suggest.

E.g. WizzAir has three entries: `WizzAirLogin.username`, `WizzAirLogin.password` an `WizzAirLogin.firstName`.

Or Spotify stored `com.spotify.login.credentials`, `com.spotify.connect.lastStoredDataKey` and `com.spotify.connect.iplSessionHistoryDataKey`.

Re: How we turned the tables to catch my sister’s Bumble stalker

#218

Post by heavyset_go » Wed, Jan 25, 2023, 4:13 AM UTC

steve_adams_86 wrote: post #104

wpietri wrote: post #70

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If you're curious, I recommend the book, "Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men". It busts a lot of myths and gives a good explanation of what abusers get out of their behavior. One important myth is, "He can't control himself". E.g., he's not good at managing anger, so he needs classes. But it turns out a lot of abusive people are perfectly good at managing their anger except when the ta…

> He can't control himself I think the thing that would shock many people is that abusers have often adopted methods of harm and subjugation that they internalized and came to consider normal, justified, and correct. They're executing from a place of intent and necessity, not chaos. They witness themselves doing it from a wildly different perspective than those around them would, and they may think the worst thing th…

> This is often why it's best to end these relationships. Someone who has normalized abuse could change, but there is a very good chance that you shouldn't wait to find out.

Adding to this from my own experience.

People tend to need reasons to change, and an abuser has no such reason, as their behavior gets them exactly what they want from their victims and relationships. They could change if they wanted to, but why would they do that when they're already getting what they want?

Plenty of abusers like to paint "real abuse" as the expectations of treating their partners with respect and as equals, they are fundamentally opposed to the behaviors and beliefs needed to maintain healthy relationships. It is nearly impossible to change those deeply held beliefs, let alone address the behaviors that stem from those beliefs.

I agree with your premise, but I'd replace "very good chance" with "utter certainty" that you shouldn't stick around hoping that an abuser is willing to change.

Re: How we turned the tables to catch my sister’s Bumble stalker

#219

Post by heavyset_go » Wed, Jan 25, 2023, 4:27 AM UTC

genderwhy wrote: post #16

Pepe1vo wrote: post #5

Truly, what compels a person to do such a thing? I too have struggled heavily with depression in the past, but I've never once felt the urge to repeatedly vandalize anyone's property. Like, I just don't understand what's to gain.

I'm not an expert, but my understanding is that the normal levels of inhibitions and reading social cues aren't present in many stalking cases. There is a belief that if they are just persistent enough, their target will see their attempts as affection and fall head over heals for them. Fundamentally, I believe we need to do more for people like this. Safety nets and mental health and, if needed, in patient care. Wou…

> Would this have happened if the person had access to excellent therapy, medication, and support?

Many of them would learn how to better conceal their behaviors and get away with what they're doing.

It's the same reason that traditional therapy is detrimental when it comes to people with NPD, abusers, anti-social disorders, etc: they just learn how to weaponize earnest therapists along with what they learn in therapy against their victims.

Re: How we turned the tables to catch my sister’s Bumble stalker

#220

Post by barry-cotter » Wed, Jan 25, 2023, 6:37 AM UTC

vorpalhex wrote: post #216

femto wrote: post #73

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> you still instigated a brawl! Why go in with an assumption that violence is going to occur? That's a recipe for trouble. You would have to pick your friends carefully, so none of them loose their cool. If there is going to be violence or any contact, let the stalker initiate it. I'm not arguing that it would be risk free or a lark. It's a case of accepting the risks and being happy that the likely outcome would jus…

If you don't believe violence is going to occur, why not go alone?

The point of going with a group of friends is to make it clear to the person you are implicitly threatening that if there is a fight they will lose. The more unbalanced the forces on each side the less likely the weaker side is to initiate violence.