I’ve had the opposite experience: you don’t know what you got until is gone.
could you elaborate?
Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave
211–220 of 224 posts
Re: Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave
#212Earlier quoted context omitted.
I would just like to die now. I wish I’d left. It can get bad if you stay. Take everything.
If you are overwhelmed, seek help. We are a highly specialized society with lots of occupations that can help you navigate different kinds of problems. For this kind of problem in particular, try talking to a therapist. If you are overwhelmed by a plumbing problem, you call a plumber. If your house is burning down, you call the fire department. If your pet has a problem, you go see a veterinarian. This is the same th…
Oh but the help you'll get.
I'd recommend avoiding talkspace.
And for the love of god, if a therapist isn't working for you within 3 sessions, For fucks sake don't "stick it out".
You're worth it. Get the help you deserve, not what the system is willing to give you on it's first try.
There's nothing worse than a therapist that you know isn't listening to you, and you keep going, because your actual problem is that you can't tell the difference between what's your fault and what's not.
And they never let you or helped you get there.
And you could see it. And you knew that was your fault.
So you didn't say anything.
And besides, you were a rich tech bro, he was employed on a gig platform. He's more economically dependent, ergo he deserves help, ergo I'll stick with him and try to be an easy client.
This is the product of a diseased mind that can't fucking stand up for itself.
So. Fuck TalkSpace.
And whoever reads this. Yes. Find someone else. It's not your responsibility to stick with a therapist that isn't working for you.
If you've gone through five therapists, maybe you're the problem, I don't know. Then open that box.
But you have _my_ permission, to go through five therapists before asking yourself that question.
You also have my permission to ignore that, and believe that you can go through any number of therapists.
I affirm your right to choose.
Re: Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave
#213Earlier quoted context omitted.
The actual root of the problem is the employee's own thinking. They don't have the self respect to exit a bad situation. They are paralyzed by low self esteem, fear of the unknown, and seem to be content being in a bad situation. The reasons are readily unclear to the person experiencing this and so they continue to go through this. A therapist will simply ask pointed questions like "how do you feel about [topic]?" A…
I would just like to die now. I wish I’d left. It can get bad if you stay. Take everything.
Downvoters: you do not understand the depths of what can be taken.
Re: Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave
#214I had a job at Apple for two years, which paid very well and had very good stock grants, but I absolutely hated. I hated most (not all) of my managers, I didn't really enjoy the work, and my team in particular would routinely have meetings until 9pm, multiple times a week. I would sign off from my computer, and lie down on my bed nearly catatonic because I was so unhappy, to a point where my wife was getting a bit wo…
This isn't too different from how I felt at Google.
Maybe it was the wrong team for me, but it got to a point where I struggled to put in the work whilst in the office AND struggled to have a life outside of work because I hated the work so much.
My wife dealt with a lot of bullshit from me that year. She's amazing.
If you hate your job, LEAVE.
Re: Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave
#215Thanks for sharing. > Just doing nothing sounds awesome. It's not. It's crap. Yeah, this is something people don't realize until they're it in. It's not fun. Humans long to be needed. > but I didn't have the courage to jump This is one of those things I personally have trouble wrapping my head around, but I know it happens. Kudos for getting it done.
> This is one of those things I personally have trouble wrapping my head around, but I know it happens. Kudos for getting it done.
I think a lot of it boils down to these factors:
- SUNK COST FALLACY. A lot of people work at one place for many, many years. When you're happy, your natural inclination is to not look around. So when the ball drops and things change, you long for the good old days and stay hoping for the things that kept you around to come back. Concurrently, your resume stale and you begin to forget what interviewing was like. As a result, when you finally realize "Oh my! I hate this fucking place!" you feel stuck.
- FEAR/LACKING SELF-WORTH. Maybe you have kids, a mortgage, a fancy remodel you're paying for, whatever. You are scared that your skills aren't attractive to employers. You're also scared you'll get found out and fired for treason or something. So you make do. (I was scared of this for a bit. The truth is, everyone knows when everyone is looking. "I'm feeling unwell" is the oldest lie in the book, most of the time.)
- FEAR OF CHANGE. "What if the new place sucks as much as this place?" This one's actually valid, but to that I say "What have you got to lose, except leaving a place you ALREADY KNOW is awful? Worst case, you leave and try again, which you can do now because you rock at interviewing!"
Re: Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave
#216I had a job at Apple for two years, which paid very well and had very good stock grants, but I absolutely hated. I hated most (not all) of my managers, I didn't really enjoy the work, and my team in particular would routinely have meetings until 9pm, multiple times a week. I would sign off from my computer, and lie down on my bed nearly catatonic because I was so unhappy, to a point where my wife was getting a bit wo…
99% of a persons opinion about a company is a function of who their boss is. I’ve seen situations where people have been at a company 20+ years, loved their work throughout all of those year, felt appreciated and more. Then one day they get a new boss and hated their job, hated the company and quit.
No argument here. The right management can make or break a job.
That said, Apples systemic bureaucratic policies were pretty maddening, even disregarding my management.
Re: Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave
#217Thank you for sharing. I can relate. This is my first “real” full time job, and I’ve now been there 10 years with little to show for it, and not for lack of trying. Software engineer for a small company, report directly to the owners. Repeatedly, I pour my heart and soul into a project that I believe in, only for ownership to trash the project for superficial reasons. I’ll do small things and get overly patronizing p…
I have never regretted quitting a job even though I never left because of a better offer. of course this depends heavily on expectations one has on their next checkpoint, and on their own lifestyle.
my recommendation would be: don't go into it exhausted and make sure to have enough monetary backup resources
Re: Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave
#218[dead]
Re: Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave
#219Reading this caused me to do a 180 in my life, both job and marriage. I changed both within 1 year of reading it. https://www.issendai.com/psychology/sick-systems.html
Incredible find. Thanks.
Re: Tell HN: Sometimes you don't realise how bad something is until you leave
#220Earlier quoted context omitted.
Obviously overcoming the inertia to leetcode a while and go through the interview ringer on top of everything else that's going on in their life is WAY harder than just.. rolling out of bed whenever and logging on until the end of the day.
Plus in my experience the new place will have a 75% chance of being no better.
Respectfully, I don't think your personal experience is an indication of what it would be like for someone else.
If your current situation sucks and you can step away (NOT end your life), do it. Whatever chance exists for things to get better, it's better than sticking with something you know is bad.