Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

news.ycombinator.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

211–220 of 226 posts

Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

#211

Post by laserlight »

rattray wrote: post #199
laserlight wrote: post #176

Earlier quoted context omitted.

OP is mistaking positive feelings (short term, extrinsic) with wellbeing (long term, intrinsic). Their excitement probably allows them to neglect any underlying problems. When the excitement wears off, issues that haven't been addressed are likely to reappear. All of this is purely speculation of course, based on my reading of the post.

Wouldn't "a rewarding career" qualify as long-term, intrinsic wellbeing? Cynics may believe no such thing exists, but I don't think it's a universal view. Of course, there's always risk that the job changes and becomes worse. In a Series D company, we know that could happen at any time. OP probably knows this too :)

> Wouldn't "a rewarding career" qualify as long-term, intrinsic wellbeing?

Depends on what one understand by “rewarding”. If it's compensation, title, status, achievements, etc., these are extrinsic factors. Regardless, I don't see any evidence for a rewarding career in the OP.

Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

#212

Post by em-bee »

Dylan16807 wrote: post #210
em-bee wrote: post #172

Earlier quoted context omitted.

i oversimplified. of course it takes more than just love, support and teamwork. you also need to act. those other changes are the result of love support and teamwork. love, support and teamwork are the necessary conditions to find out what changes are necessary, and to be able to carry them out.

So what did you "hard disagree" about then?

i understood the statement

there are plenty of problems love, support, and teamwork can't fix

to imply that love, support, and teamwork are not always what is needed to fix a problem. and that the solution is elsewhere.

but at least when it comes to problems that affect the family and the relationship, without love, support, and teamwork nothing can be fixed. only if you have love, support, and teamwork then you can find a solution. they are a necessary condition.

i think in the further discussion we reached a common understanding that this doesn't mean that love, support, and teamwork are sufficient. they don't make the problem just go away. sometimes the solution requires further action, or outside help. nor does it mean that the love and support of one partner can solve the problems of the other on their own, but rather it is the process of collaboration and consultation of the partners with each other combined with love and support by both that enables the finding and implementation of a solution.

one thing that may have lead to the confusion is that to me, the teamwork part already implies that there is more work being done to solve a problem. love and support alone can help address a problem without hurting the relationship further, but teamwork then makes it go away. to me it implies all the work being done to solve the problem.

Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

#213

Post by rattray »

laserlight wrote: post #211
rattray wrote: post #199

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Wouldn't "a rewarding career" qualify as long-term, intrinsic wellbeing? Cynics may believe no such thing exists, but I don't think it's a universal view. Of course, there's always risk that the job changes and becomes worse. In a Series D company, we know that could happen at any time. OP probably knows this too :)

> Wouldn't "a rewarding career" qualify as long-term, intrinsic wellbeing? Depends on what one understand by “rewarding”. If it's compensation, title, status, achievements, etc., these are extrinsic factors. Regardless, I don't see any evidence for a rewarding career in the OP.

I've generally heard "rewarding" in this context used to mean "satisfying and/or meaningful" – e.g, a teacher who loves their job and is able to see their students learn and grow happily would be said to have a rewarding job.

For OP, it sounds like an intrinsically rewarding job would be one that involves autonomy, decision-making, a sense of impact - which it sounds like they now have.

Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

#214

Post by zepolen »

angarg12 wrote: post #202
flakyfilibuster wrote: post #152

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The negativity is totally warranted: OPs misguided believe in thinking that simply finding a new job will get rid of all his woes is worrisome. Furthermore the fact that a high percentage of commentators are encouraging his stance is counterproductive. This is simplifying a complex situation, which OP should definitely seek professional guidance for before he finds himself in the same situation 5 months from now...

I've seen this pattern so many times in life it isn't even funny. An acquaintance hated her job and had to leave to be happy. Now she is on her 3rd job in 1.5 years and already thinking about leaving again. Somehow the next job will be perfect and will finally make her happy. Pointing the obvious is seen as rude, negative or plain toxic, as some do here. Even just dropping hints is received with hostility. Honestly I…

Perhaps you're an idiot that keeps giving unwarranted advice and just wasting your time trying to help people that in the end will hate you for it?

Note, I am doing exactly what you were talking about, but with you.

I too, give blunt unwarranted advice, and don't give a single fuck if people hate me for it because their emotions cloud their judgement. I like to believe others that will read the advice from a 3rd party perspective, and if even a single person gets helped, it's ultimately worth it.

Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

#215

Post by mastazi »

baq wrote: post #180
mastazi wrote: post #85

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not OP but the day startups are no longer viable I will change careers (something I did already in the past, so I know what it entails) rather than grinding leet and trying to find work at some tech mega corp. Salary at the expense of everything else was never the goal.

on that day there might not be many career options open on the market, though

That might be the best day for starting your own business!

Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

#217

Post by daseiner1 »

zepolen wrote: post #214
angarg12 wrote: post #202

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've seen this pattern so many times in life it isn't even funny. An acquaintance hated her job and had to leave to be happy. Now she is on her 3rd job in 1.5 years and already thinking about leaving again. Somehow the next job will be perfect and will finally make her happy. Pointing the obvious is seen as rude, negative or plain toxic, as some do here. Even just dropping hints is received with hostility. Honestly I…

Perhaps you're an idiot that keeps giving unwarranted advice and just wasting your time trying to help people that in the end will hate you for it? Note, I am doing exactly what you were talking about, but with you. I too, give blunt unwarranted advice, and don't give a single fuck if people hate me for it because their emotions cloud their judgement. I like to believe others that will read the advice from a 3rd part…

Calling someone an "idiot" isn't being blunt – it's just being an asshole.

signed, an asshole who frequently calls people idiots (generally not to their face, though)

Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

#218

Post by brailsafe »

philliphaydon wrote: post #177
brailsafe wrote: post #158

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Right, so you've made a bunch of money, and can now be a little more picky. I never implied that you were necessarily a millionaire, but it does seem like there's a good chance of it. I ain't sitting in front of my computer because I love it, I do it because I need money.

I haven't made a bunch of money. I never worked for a company earning FANG style income. Outside of America companies don't pay stupidly high salaries like silicon valley. If ~12k in savings is close to being a millionaire then I'm rolling in it. But I guess I don't need to live a lavious life style. I just wouldn't accept 250k at a FANG company where I'm a number and hating my job and not having any say or impact. W…

Do you have any assets along with that 12k, or does that 12k just go quite a lot farther wherever you are? 12k renting in Canada would last me a few months, spending frugally and splitting rent. Once that's gone, I'd have no assets, no investments, just homelessness looming on the horizon. So it would provide a bit of runway, and I'd choose whichever of a set of offers if I received them, but it's very rarely the case that there's even one option. If you've put money into a mortgage over that time, or an investment account, or your cost of living is extremely low while your prospects are good, then sure it's just a low risk lifestyle choice I'd also favour. If you can't whether a bad storm though, you don't want to be caught outside during it. Every time I'm in that position, I take the first month or two and try to find something I really enjoy. But that never goes well, and I'd sure as shit hedge my bets and take the job at FAANG if it came about, especially if it's the only choice available.

Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

#219

Post by philliphaydon »

brailsafe wrote: post #218
philliphaydon wrote: post #177

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I haven't made a bunch of money. I never worked for a company earning FANG style income. Outside of America companies don't pay stupidly high salaries like silicon valley. If ~12k in savings is close to being a millionaire then I'm rolling in it. But I guess I don't need to live a lavious life style. I just wouldn't accept 250k at a FANG company where I'm a number and hating my job and not having any say or impact. W…

Do you have any assets along with that 12k, or does that 12k just go quite a lot farther wherever you are? 12k renting in Canada would last me a few months, spending frugally and splitting rent. Once that's gone, I'd have no assets, no investments, just homelessness looming on the horizon. So it would provide a bit of runway, and I'd choose whichever of a set of offers if I received them, but it's very rarely the cas…

No, just spent disposable income traveling as I spent 10 years living in Singapore. But met wife while traveling and now living in Taiwan trying to save money.

Re: Thank HN: Five months ago, I was feeling like a loser, now I am opposite

#220

Post by roeles »

sacrosancty wrote: post #19

Just a suggestion, but if your relationship with your wife depends on your personal circumstances and mood, then it sounds not very strong. Might be worth taking advantage of this good period to do some relationship strengthening exercises while you can so that when the next downturn happens, you can both understand each other's and your own feelings better. I'm not talking about random activities like going to the b…

> Might be worth taking advantage of this good period to do some relationship strengthening exercises while you can so that when the next downturn happens, you can both understand each other's and your own feelings better.

Not too long ago, my wife and I got the suggestion to schedule a weekly "open-faced hour". It has worked wonders for understanding each other, which has positive effects on every aspect of our relationship.

Post reply on HN