I have a fine career, been married for 10 years, etc. But most of my favorite memories are sex related, so that.
You should talk with your wife about visiting a swinger's club, but only if your relationship is super solid.
Ask HN: What's your greatest enjoyment in life?
211–220 of 244 posts
Re: Ask HN: What's your greatest enjoyment in life?
#212Being in the zone, whatever form it might take. To me, the zone is any situation that makes the baseline pain of being alive go away (there's too much to unpack here, so I won't). Things that can bring me in the zone: * Riding my Honda CB750F, especially without a destination, just moving through the world in this raw, old-fashioned way liberates my mind and puts me at such ease. * Coding something I like.. Again it'…
I am surprised sex is not in the list . You can certainly be in the zone while having sex
Sure, I find sex enjoyable, and surely I can get in the zone, but it's a relatively short time an hour at the very best and most of the time shorter, combined with being physically (and mentally somewhat) exhausting and takes some preparation both before and after, it's not a top contender for enjoyable activities for me.
Sure, it's an intense burst of pleasure, but I'd not want to spend 4-5 hours per day doing it, and time is definitely an important component for me, if I can do something for a long time and enjoy that time, that's like an enjoyment multiplier for me, I want something nice and to be in that nice place as long as I can.
Re: Ask HN: What's your greatest enjoyment in life?
#213Earlier quoted context omitted.
Thanks for sharing. I take it you’re not a Japan national to begin with. Do you plan on living there, planting roots?
Japan has been kind to me. I have a very comfortable life here. Plus, Tokyo would come up somewhere in the top of the list of desirable places to live. Maybe yes to your question. But who has seen life ahead of time. If you asked me in 2009, I would have said finishing my grad school in US and settling down in NY maybe. Plus, going back to US / Canada is not easy for foreigners, remote position or not.
How large is the language gap and how difficult is it to work in Japan as someone who, initially, doesn’t speak English?
Re: Ask HN: What's your greatest enjoyment in life?
#214Earlier quoted context omitted.
>> but when these people are asked whether having kids made them happier they would say yes This can be quite easily explained by peer pressure - You are expected to treat children as precious little gifts from god, and speaking ill about them makes you look bad in the eyes of your peers.
Anecdotally I've asked close friends for genuine answers and from my perspective they seem convinced they are happier. That being said I have also (fewer) close friends who have told me they are less happy. So you have a point.
I'm sure that there are people that genuinly create happines from interacting with and having children. Just like there are people that takes pleasure in hurting themselves.
The real tragedy is You cannot know which one are You until is too late.
Re: Ask HN: What's your greatest enjoyment in life?
#215Earlier quoted context omitted.
Japan has been kind to me. I have a very comfortable life here. Plus, Tokyo would come up somewhere in the top of the list of desirable places to live. Maybe yes to your question. But who has seen life ahead of time. If you asked me in 2009, I would have said finishing my grad school in US and settling down in NY maybe. Plus, going back to US / Canada is not easy for foreigners, remote position or not.
How large is the language gap and how difficult is it to work in Japan as someone who, initially, doesn’t speak English?
In Tokyo, it is passably fine. Business communication is strongly preferred in Japanese. However, learning resources are many & people are generally helpful and accommodative. 20-30% will be proficient in English. I am told Osaka-Kyoto work setting is more traditional than Tokyo, so expect less foreign language fluency.
I wouldn't discount the difficulties of not knowing the local language. Living in Japan is not easy if you do not speak or understand Japanese. Every single form or application is in Japanese. All government related procedures are in Japanese. Banner signboards & instructions too. You'd miss out on several important bulletins e.g. tax instructions, license updation etc., if you read only the EN versions, as Japanese ones are more detailed & explanatory. One-to-one translation of information is not guaranteed with such documents.
Re: Ask HN: What's your greatest enjoyment in life?
#216Earlier quoted context omitted.
How large is the language gap and how difficult is it to work in Japan as someone who, initially, doesn’t speak English?
In Tokyo, it is passably fine. Business communication is strongly preferred in Japanese. However, learning resources are many & people are generally helpful and accommodative. 20-30% will be proficient in English. I am told Osaka-Kyoto work setting is more traditional than Tokyo, so expect less foreign language fluency. I wouldn't discount the difficulties of not knowing the local language. Living in Japan is not eas…
Thanks a lot for answering. I‘m not even sure what to do after the (hopefully successful) PhD so I‘m thankful for every perspective.
Re: Ask HN: What's your greatest enjoyment in life?
#217Re: Ask HN: What's your greatest enjoyment in life?
#218Earlier quoted context omitted.
> "Once you're a parent you can never not be a parent again" without clearly elucidating the logic behind it? It's a simple sentence. Your comments feel tiresome and pushy. Once you're a parent you can never not be a parent again because that kid is simultaneously a part of you, potential manifestation of all your dreams and hopes that you can't or won't accomplish, they're your friend, companion, confidant. They're…
Probably is pushy. Don't worry about it. You can just not answer. Up to you. Either way, Thanks for the answer but your words would not convince me to have a kid if the result of everything you said meant that I would be significantly unhappier. This is really what I'm driving at: What is it can you actually say to convince someone who's not a parent to become one despite the fact that it will make you significantly…
>If you erased your memory of being a parent with time travel, you actually CAN not be a parent.
We're talking about memory erasure plus accurate knowledge of the future. The combination is different from memory erasure by itself. Not knowing what parenthood is like, I would choose to become a parent - I know this because that's what actually happened. Accurate knowledge of the future would not change that decision, for the reasons I gave.
>You would tell your past self that you would be less happy, but you would be able to convince him to have a kid regardless as if he could understand your reasoning through you simply communicating vocally to him. My question to you is why didn't you try communicating this knowledge to me?
- I'm not convincing him, I'm merely conveying information. I have nothing to gain or lose, and I already know what he's going to do absent the information.
- He could understand my reasoning because he's me, I know everything about him, and he trusts me implicitly because I have nothing to gain by deceiving him.
- I can't trust you to convey my thinking accurately because you are biased by your own worldview, as am I. He can't trust you either. Therefore any information you give him would be imperfect, tainted by the impossibility of communication between different people. My point is that only that kind of imperfect information might change his behaviour.
>your words would not convince me to have a kid if the result of everything you said meant that I would be significantly unhappier.
Who said anything about convincing you? Past me is already inclined to have a child, whereas you appear to be quite against it. Moreover, it would be very irresponsible of me to convince you to act against your own self-interest. But I will attempt it...
Some axioms:
1. A quiet, uneventful, comfortable life with amiable companionship is the epitome of happiness.
2. Happiness is not the only measure on which the quality of a life can be judged.
3. It is possible for two equally logical processes with different sets of priorities to arrive at contrary conclusions.
Say that tonight, Mephistopheles appears in your room and offers you the chance to travel throughout space and time and learn all the secrets of the universe. Being all-knowing, he also tells you with undeniable authority that saying yes will make you somewhat less happy than saying no. What would you say? I would say yes without question. My curiosity is more important than my happiness.
Say that tonight, Beelzebub appears in your room and offers to take 50 points off your IQ in exchange for serene ignorance of all that goes on around you. You will live out the remainder of your life in physical comfort and absolute, beatific bliss in a centre for the severely disabled. What would you say? I would say no, without question. My ability to perceive the world is more important than my happiness.
I use the metaphors of knowledge and curiosity because I expect they will appeal to your sensibilities. The set of priorities that led me to becoming a parent is unique to me, and I doubt you would find it convincing, so I will not spend time typing it out. But perhaps the metaphor will open your mind to the idea that happy is not always the best thing you can be.
Re: Ask HN: What's your greatest enjoyment in life?
#219Being in the zone, whatever form it might take. To me, the zone is any situation that makes the baseline pain of being alive go away (there's too much to unpack here, so I won't). Things that can bring me in the zone: * Riding my Honda CB750F, especially without a destination, just moving through the world in this raw, old-fashioned way liberates my mind and puts me at such ease. * Coding something I like.. Again it'…
It's funny to me how I have about the same things than you. Changing your Honda to a mountain bike, and also adding "repairing things to prevent trashing it", and I would have my list.
Re: Ask HN: What's your greatest enjoyment in life?
#220Being in the zone, whatever form it might take. To me, the zone is any situation that makes the baseline pain of being alive go away (there's too much to unpack here, so I won't). Things that can bring me in the zone: * Riding my Honda CB750F, especially without a destination, just moving through the world in this raw, old-fashioned way liberates my mind and puts me at such ease. * Coding something I like.. Again it'…
It's funny to me how I have about the same things than you. Changing your Honda to a mountain bike, and also adding "repairing things to prevent trashing it", and I would have my list.
Wow, actually, I should add MTB, but I've not had the energy/time the past two years, but I used to do a lot, we have a technical track nearby and that really puts me in the zone too, the gratification of achieving combined with the focus of not getting yourself killed..
Also, repairing stuff is something I absolutely love too! I forgot about that one. Even if I can't restore it to 100%, but often I can, and put my own spin on it, and it's very satisfying.