Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

newyorker.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

211–220 of 464 posts

Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#211

Post by daSn0wie »

Draiken wrote: post #135

This is always a tough subject for me because everyone seems to have at least an idea of what they want to achieve. When I was younger I had these silly dreams of moving to another country, getting married, becoming a programmer to make games, have my own company and get rich (haha). I did become a programmer and got married, but never left the country or became rich. Now on my 30s I know how limited my options are.…

The only point of life is whatever you make it. Life's your own video game and you set the rules of what defines winning or losing it. There are definitely lots of external pressure trying to get you to align to what their game is, but I think you've come to realize that those rules aren't the rules you want to live by.

I felt the same way in my 30s. The thing that changed it for me was when my father passed away, my mother was diagnosed with dementia, and the pandemic. I started to realize that life is really short and it made me think a lot about what it all meant. I think you've also come to realize that there really is no point, so you can either be depressed about it and not do anything or you can just do things that bring you enjoyment. Some people find enjoyment in help others and volunteering (I don't) and will say that's the meaning of life. Other's will say finding enjoyment in the process of something is the meaning of life (I don't). I think it's different for everyone and part of life is defining the game. Everyone wants validation that their rules of life are the right rules.

I'm in my late 40s now and I just focus on whatever I want to do that I enjoy - hanging out with friends, spending time with my family, not stressing too much about work, entertaining myself with my hobbies.

On hobbies - I'll pick up hobbies just to try them out now. I have no expectations any longer. If it sticks, it sticks, if it doesn't, I don't care that much. I've come to realize I just really like to try new things, and learning the depth doesn't interest me. If i'm inspired to pick it up again, I do. There's probably some self-help/hustle porn out there that dissuades this, but I enjoy it.

Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#212

Post by giantg2 »

elvongray wrote: post #165
giantg2 wrote: post #136

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I didn't find it funny nor was it that relatable. I'm actually wondering why it's even on HN in the first place and not flagged.

Not finding it funny doesn't mean some people here wouldn't

True. My understanding is that comedy isn't really allowed here, unless maybe it is tech focused. This isn't some new phenomenon, this isn't tech focused, there isn't really any content in the article (not much to be gleaned from the satire even). It doesn't seem like it's something that's even interesting to hackers. There doesn't seem to be enough content to satisfy intellectual curiosity.

Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#213

Post by sethammons »

Draiken wrote: post #163
randomsearch wrote: post #146

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> What's the point of it? Live for others. You (and I) are incredibly fortunate. We have our basic needs taken care of. We have more than that. There are many, many, people in the world who have problems that you can help solve. That could be - spending time with a lonely elderly person, volunteering with the homeless, building a website for a charity that can't afford to pay for a great one, building a startup that…

It's noble, but for me it's once again... pointless. I don't have the money or power to enact any meaningful change. I can give my time or some money to others, but I'm not really fixing anything. I'm just drying ice. Maybe I'm not selfless enough? I've never tried anything like that, so that's at least something new. Might give it a try

> meaningful change

Says who? The tad bit of encouragement you give a younger person could change the entire direction of their life, and you may never hear about it. We don't get to know all the ways we influence others.

Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#214

Post by tuyiown »

Draiken wrote: post #135

This is always a tough subject for me because everyone seems to have at least an idea of what they want to achieve. When I was younger I had these silly dreams of moving to another country, getting married, becoming a programmer to make games, have my own company and get rich (haha). I did become a programmer and got married, but never left the country or became rich. Now on my 30s I know how limited my options are.…

Only one answer is needed : do you enjoy the ride ?

Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#215

Post by mendigou »

Draiken wrote: post #181
chiefalchemist wrote: post #169

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I could try to focus on my hobbies, but you realize very quickly that to get good at anything, you need hundreds/thousands of hours. Be careful. You might regret this, or at least wished you'd done otherwise. Some years ago I bought a guitar. Worked at it initially - got distracted - and then put it aside. I now realize had I continued to pick it up everyday (or so) for say 20 to 30 mins I'd be able to play well en…

Funnily enough I got the exact same situation happen. My wife got me a guitar as either a nice decoration piece or something I could actually use if I wanted to. I never had the opportunity to learn that when I was a kid, so I tried to learn it. Quickly I realized I'd need to practice at least an hour a day for years before I could play one single song from my favorite band. It just made me quit after a few months. W…

I'd recommend getting a teacher or someone who can plan your drills that forces you to play songs at your level.

I'm no prodigy and could play stuff in a few months (heavy metal), maybe a year. But that's only because I played actual songs along with the drills.

Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#216

Post by vorhemus »

AussieWog93 wrote: post #6

Poor bastard. I think a lot of older people really don't understand this, but our generation (late millennials, or at least middle-class late millennials) were genuinely fed the lie our whole life that we were special and could do anything. At some point, you have to admit to yourself that you're just an ordinary human being and Elon Musk has something special that you don't have. Only when you're in this mindset can…

> Elon Musk has something special that you don't have

I believe that there are many Elon Musks in the world but due to various circumstances (born in the wrong place at the wrong time, bad luck, terrible parents) they never get the chance to shine.

Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#218

Post by Loughla »

palijer wrote: post #199
Draiken wrote: post #135

This is always a tough subject for me because everyone seems to have at least an idea of what they want to achieve. When I was younger I had these silly dreams of moving to another country, getting married, becoming a programmer to make games, have my own company and get rich (haha). I did become a programmer and got married, but never left the country or became rich. Now on my 30s I know how limited my options are.…

I used to feel a bunch of that same pointlessness, and I still do sometimes, but a novel helped me frame what I was feeling. Stoner (1965), by John Williams. It is not about drug use. It essentially covers the life of an assistant lit professor born in 1891 that ended up not living up to his expectations in all areas of life and how he handles them internally. It really helped me draw meaning from my life again while…

I would add The Razor's Edge by W. Somerset Maugham to this list as well.

The problem with 'living up to your expectations' is that too often it's about material goods that are unbelievably fleeting and temporary. This book, followed through to the end, really helps focus in on that.

It was given to me by my dissertation chair during post-grad work. He was attempting to point me to the fact that life doesn't have to be hustle and bustle and break-neck for money. I took it to mean that he thought I should quit school and go back to the farm. There's a lesson in there about clear communication, I think.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Razor%27s_Edge

Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#219

Post by lotsofpulp »

Draiken wrote: post #186
jokethrowaway wrote: post #153

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There is no meaning in life except what you make of it. You can argue those goals are just external influences that got imprinted in you in a period of your life in which you were prone to start dreaming. Still, why not follow the goals you feel you should pursue? Do what makes you happy, do what you can look back and say "that was cool", write a book you would read with your life actions.

> Still, why not follow the goals you feel you should pursue? I think that's the problem I tried to describe: I don't have any. It seems everyone has goals that they put aside for one reason or another. I achieved the majority of the goals I had, dropped some that made no sense and now there's no path set out anymore. I don't feel I should pursue anything.

> I don't feel I should pursue anything.

Then don’t. I also think it is all meaningless, a blip of order in a system of chaos that “we” exist and “we” are able to think about it.

Play the game, do not play the game, it does not make a difference unless you want to think it makes a difference. I have little kids, and I am not in any pain, so I like playing the game and seeing what I can do to provide for their future security.

Maybe I would not if I was in much worse circumstances, such as super sick or economically disadvantaged.

Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#220

Post by chasd00 »

leetrout wrote: post #144
Draiken wrote: post #135

This is always a tough subject for me because everyone seems to have at least an idea of what they want to achieve. When I was younger I had these silly dreams of moving to another country, getting married, becoming a programmer to make games, have my own company and get rich (haha). I did become a programmer and got married, but never left the country or became rich. Now on my 30s I know how limited my options are.…

I am not being trite: Thats the point! There is no single point except to exist and from that to try to exist peacefully with your fellow people. You are right, we are here briefly. No different than a flower blooming for a time. Whats the point to blooming just to die? Thats the point. As alan watts said... the journey itself is the point.

"exist peacefully with your fellow people" is great but first try to exist peacefully with yourself.
Post reply on HN