Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

What nobody says about startup moms

femfosec.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

211–220 of 292 posts

Re: What nobody says about startup moms

#211

Post by xbar »

aklemm wrote: post #143
djoldman wrote: post #39

Kids' effect on work life is an important topic. I think it's possible that male, man, men can be substituted for female, woman, women in this article and have it be just as true except for this: > But what people without kids may not realize is the extent to which people with kids want their time to be consumed by them. And, on the whole, I’d guess women more so than men. I have no data on that.

Except that society-wide these duties fall disproportionately to women.

True.

But I think that this problem does not need to be solved "society-wide" but does need to be universally solvable for any interested individual, regardless of gender. Practically, with technology not with policy.

Re: What nobody says about startup moms

#212

Post by feistypharit »

hn_throwaway_99 wrote: post #77

I thought this was a great article, because it acknowledged a fundamental fact: life is all about choices, and for too long many people were fed the lie that "you can have it all". Time is finite. You can either spend some particular moment working at your job, or you can spend that moment with your kids - you can't do both. While some people may be better at balancing the two, the fact is in a competitive economy th…

The phrase I like to tell people that tends to stick better, IMHO:

You can do anything you want, but you can't do everything you want.

Re: What nobody says about startup moms

#213

Post by intrepidhero »

hn_throwaway_99 wrote: post #77

I thought this was a great article, because it acknowledged a fundamental fact: life is all about choices, and for too long many people were fed the lie that "you can have it all". Time is finite. You can either spend some particular moment working at your job, or you can spend that moment with your kids - you can't do both. While some people may be better at balancing the two, the fact is in a competitive economy th…

Its way worse than that. Western culture right now says, "You need it all." Learning to make choices that fit with reality, instead of this lie, is hard. There's a lot of implicit judgement for choosing different priorities than the people around you.

Re: What nobody says about startup moms

#214

Post by ravenstine »

Der_Einzige wrote: post #188
jakear wrote: post #43

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think that’s generally true of all descriptions of activities — we simply prefer to list the bad, as commiserating is more socially acceptable than “bragging” about how nice something is. See also: chewing fat over how work sucks rather than how happy you are to be working on interesting stuff, “the ol ball and chain” not how nice it is to have stable relationship, “fucking landlords taking all my money” not conven…

This is why "critical thinking" is overrated. Becoming good at critical thinking means that you become good at critique - the process of describing the flaws of something. This is the issue with the modern left in america. They do a great job of highlighting injustice (through teaching many critical thinking skills as part of "wokism") but then the solutions given are so poorly articulated that they're laughed out of…

Critical thinking is overrated in the sense that it's hard to distinguish from using superficially skeptical language. Being understanding epistemology and being flexible in thinking is more useful than being a curmudgeon who assumes anything that isn't intuitive is bullshit.

Re: What nobody says about startup moms

#215

Post by feistypharit »

aklemm wrote: post #147

Kids are a distraction to intense work. At the same time, becoming a parent is a potential growth experience that is unrivaled and brings value. Healthy kids are a value to society. Non-parents benefit from a society full of healthy children. Parents should be rewarded--or at least equally as compensated--with pay and/or status that tracks with the successes those unburdened with parenting achieve.

I think one thing the aristocracy got right was that your children are a reflection of you as a parent. That seems to have been lost nowadays in the US. Nowadays, a problem kid is due to video games, school, peers, you name it. No, it's the parent, 95% of the time. But we let the parents off with they did their best..but did they?

Re: What nobody says about startup moms

#216

Post by Pfhreak »

enraged_camel wrote: post #136
denimnerd42 wrote: post #60

I don't know if it's fair to classify this as just a mom problem. I'm having the same problems as a Dad.

Hell, I'm having the same problem as the foster parent of a cattle dog! Near constant demand for attention, wanting lots of play time and exercise and mental stimulation and affection... I don't have kids but I imagine it is similar!

Take all of what you described and add, "Are the decisions and interactions I had with my child today going to eternally fuck up their future ability to be an adult?" and you begin to see the scope of being a parent.

Re: What nobody says about startup moms

#217

Post by Pfhreak »

willcipriano wrote: post #17
intergalplan wrote: post #9

> I remember chatting with a woman at a work event one night and asking if she needed to go home soon because of her kids. She replied, “No, I see my kids on weekends.” I couldn’t help but cringe thinking about what it would be like to only see my son on weekends. It seemed horrible! If you work 9-5 (really 8-5 most places) this is basically true anyway. Most of the time you get with them on weekdays may have some qu…

> Ordinary working people don't spend a ton of quality time with their kids during the week. Quality time was a invention of the in-retrospect rather entitled parents of the 1970s who justified their neglect with the idea of "well I don't spend much time with my son but when I do it's quality time!". The truth is kids, particularly young kids just want time. They want to see you around and have you take a active role…

Kids of even really young ages are more capable than we give them credit for. A four year old is perfectly capable of helping prep dinner, provided you line up the right tasks. ("Tear up this lettuce, get 5 forks out, ...."). By six years old, a child should easily be comfortable handling more complex tasks like emptying/loading dishes, cutting up ingredients, kneading dough, or measuring out items from a recipe. (Provided they can be loosely measured.)

My parents kicked me out of the kitchen when I cooked, and I got really good at playing videogames to pass the time but today I have zero relationship with either parent. Cooking and doing chores with my kid is incredibly rewarding time, and we both seem to get a lot out of it.

Re: What nobody says about startup moms

#218

Post by toomuchtodo »

whatshisface wrote: post #157
munificent wrote: post #146

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Extend your analogy out in time: Three people in their 90s, laying side by side at their deathbeds. One filled their life with friends and experiences, the other did nothing but work, the other raised children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Now who is the winner and who the loser?

The one with kids has visitors so probably them. Old people can get pretty lonely if they don't have descendants. It's not talked about often but it's a really important part of not being miserable when you're 90. When your body isn't good for anything anymore and you can't even enjoy spending money, being happy about the people you created is more or less the only thing left - and you can really be happy about it. B…

Huge assumption that someone has visitors just because they had kids.

Re: What nobody says about startup moms

#219

Post by cgrealy »

robocat wrote: post #44
anotha1 wrote: post #4

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Unscientifically, absent mother is seen as worse than absent father. I agree, and will may involuntarily postpone having kids because of that reason alone.

If you would be a good parent and want kids, then I believe the idea of delaying is harmful, especially if you are over say 25. Trying to set up the perfect nest, or to save "enough", is not a game that most people can win. At least, the above is from what I have seen of friends that had kids, compared with those that delayed too long.

> If you would be a good parent and want kids, then I believe the idea of delaying is harmful, especially if you are over say 25.

25?!?

None of the people I know who have kids started trying for them until their 30s.

There’s nothing wrong with enjoying your 20s and having kids when you’re ready.

Re: What nobody says about startup moms

#220

Post by bllguo »

aklemm wrote: post #147

Kids are a distraction to intense work. At the same time, becoming a parent is a potential growth experience that is unrivaled and brings value. Healthy kids are a value to society. Non-parents benefit from a society full of healthy children. Parents should be rewarded--or at least equally as compensated--with pay and/or status that tracks with the successes those unburdened with parenting achieve.

Pay/status/compensation from your employer? If that's what you're suggesting, I strongly disagree. That's hardly the role of any company. And it implicitly ties value judgments to your workplace, which is a very sad state of affairs. You don't need corporate recognition to validate your decisions.
Post reply on HN