Facebook Dating • Hacker News Board

Re: Facebook Dating

#211

Post by michaelt » Thu, Sep 05, 2019, 4:57 PM UTC

simias wrote: post #184

hombre_fatal wrote: post #157

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Controversial in 2019, but youth is a perk if I get to choose with an "age range" slider. Also, women 35+ are usually on a different clock than I am. I'm happy to share more insight as a man dating at 30 if you want, but just ask.

This is veering wildly off topic but I'm curious: don't you think people in their early 20's would also be on a wildly "different clock"? I'm only slightly older than you are and through a weird series of event ended up frequenting a WhatsApp group populated mainly by people in their early 20s and the culture shock is pretty large. People in their early 20's are generally students, they have different priorities, low…

The "different clock" hombre_fatal is referring to is the "biological clock" - A single childless woman aged 35 who wants a family with two or three children has very little time to waste (assuming she wants a traditional two-biological-parent family structure which is extremely common among members of the upper middle class).

They need someone ready to make a lifetime commitment - and as it's rare to marry without dating for at least a year or so, they've only got a few rolls of the dice left.

If that's not where hombre_fatal is in his life, such women won't see a future with him.

Re: Facebook Dating

#212

Post by LyndsySimon » Thu, Sep 05, 2019, 4:58 PM UTC

asdfman123 wrote: post #179

estsauver wrote: post #16

I think this might be a (relatively) rare strategy error for Facebook. If the success of Snapchat, LinkedIn, and also the separate WhatsApp/Instagram properties proves anything, it's that there are very different faces of ourselves that we show to the professional world, to our friends, to partners, and to the world at large. If I was facebook, I would very explicitly announce this as a spin out project, under a diff…

> it's that there are very different faces of ourselves that we show to the professional world, to our friends, to partners, and to the world at large I think Facebook's goal is to make it so that you have one persona you show to everyone. To me, that seems like a cultural thing unique to Silicon Valley that the rest of the world does not necessarily want. It seems like a mistake. If you have one persona, that means…

> If you have one persona, that means that you need to optimize that persona for your career and ironically it feels more stiflingly conformist.

I understand where you're coming from, but this statement isn't necessarily a truism. You can wear who you are on your sleeve and even be quite extreme, if you're a reasonable person who can build and maintain professional relationships.

I do almost everything online under my real name, and am not optimized for career purposes. It's just me. As a result, I've had my political beliefs and such come up in interviews on multiple occasions. In one case - as I found out a year or so after being laid off - my interview process took a couple of weeks longer than was typical because one of the executives/partners at the company was concerned specifically about my politics. On the other hand, I did in fact get that job (and loved it!) and I've gotten several connections and invitations to apply based upon my discussions. Surprisingly, they seem to be about evenly split between people who agree and who disagree with my stances. I'm passionate about political issues, but I do my best to be accommodating to others and not be aggressive about them.

It would be fair to say that my positions are pretty extreme, too. I'm a political anarchist; Anarcho-Capitalist / Voluntaryist, to be more precise. I am open about that even in professional settings because it has such an influence on how I approach relationships and the world in general. I tend to be a "systems thinker", and see everything as a balance of competing forces. I see the whole world through this lens; everything is influenced by incentives and disincentives. I have exactly one tattoo, a stylized graph of supply and demand.

Re: Facebook Dating

#213

Post by jaynetics » Thu, Sep 05, 2019, 4:59 PM UTC

bambax wrote: post #196

> Facebook Dating makes it easier to find love through what you like I don't like Facebook... No dating for me! Seriously, Facebook seems to be a tool for self-advertising (look at my wonderful holiday photos), while dating is more personal/intimate/truthful (in theory at least). How long can a relationship last that's not based on truth?

Not all dating is about long term relationships. There is a large spectrum between, say, AdultFriendFinder on the one and Parship on the other end. Not sure where Facebook think they are going to be in that spectrum.

Re: Facebook Dating

#214

Post by buboard » Thu, Sep 05, 2019, 5:00 PM UTC

dlivingston wrote: post #204

buboard wrote: post #167

Earlier quoted context omitted.

In my country facebook is by far the #1 dating site people use. In fact "Facebook dating" is reduntant

Can you explain this further?

depends on the dating culture. Casual dating apps are not popular here, so people use facebook messaging

Re: Facebook Dating

#215

Post by asdfman123 » Thu, Sep 05, 2019, 5:02 PM UTC

LyndsySimon wrote: post #212

asdfman123 wrote: post #179

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> it's that there are very different faces of ourselves that we show to the professional world, to our friends, to partners, and to the world at large I think Facebook's goal is to make it so that you have one persona you show to everyone. To me, that seems like a cultural thing unique to Silicon Valley that the rest of the world does not necessarily want. It seems like a mistake. If you have one persona, that means…

> If you have one persona, that means that you need to optimize that persona for your career and ironically it feels more stiflingly conformist. I understand where you're coming from, but this statement isn't necessarily a truism. You can wear who you are on your sleeve and even be quite extreme, if you're a reasonable person who can build and maintain professional relationships. I do almost everything online under m…

Okay, try putting "Card-carrying gun owner and anti-abortion activist" on your resume and apply for big tech companies.

Or hell, even start a personal blog using your real name talking about opinions that are anathema to coastal dwellers. Watch your callback rate dramatically decline.

I grew up in a suburb of a conservative state, and I learned early on when to show "who I am and what I really believe" and when to be low-key about it. Others like me who did not learn that skill were bullied relentlessly. I got along pretty well.

If you actually had opinions many people disagreed with strongly, you'd be bullied and held back as well.

Re: Facebook Dating

#216

Post by haunter » Thu, Sep 05, 2019, 5:02 PM UTC

nasalgoat wrote: post #132

This has been live in Canada for some time in a "beta" incarnation, and from a purely product standpoint it is terrible. The UI is just bad. You cannot browse profiles, you must say "yes" or "no" and the decision is final. If you scroll down to read a profile more, when you pass, it leaves you in the same scroll spot in the next profile. This is User Interface 101 level stuff. The list of problems goes on from there.…

>The UI is just bad. You cannot browse profiles, you must say "yes" or "no" and the decision is final.

So Tinder?

Re: Facebook Dating

#217

Post by asdfman123 » Thu, Sep 05, 2019, 5:04 PM UTC

paggle wrote: post #195

asdfman123 wrote: post #179

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> it's that there are very different faces of ourselves that we show to the professional world, to our friends, to partners, and to the world at large I think Facebook's goal is to make it so that you have one persona you show to everyone. To me, that seems like a cultural thing unique to Silicon Valley that the rest of the world does not necessarily want. It seems like a mistake. If you have one persona, that means…

The whole Maven / Damore stuff at Google shows the strengths and weaknesses of this “one persona” approach. People in Silicon Valley bring their entire selves to work, they protest their own company when they feel it is not having properly, there’s something to admire about that but most people elsewhere are happy to keep work at work and not get too worked up about what their company is or isn’t doing.

And also no one with strong conservative beliefs can really survive or rise to prominence there.

If I brought my whole self to my job in Houston it would not go smoothly.

Re: Facebook Dating

#218

Post by copperx » Thu, Sep 05, 2019, 5:05 PM UTC

sureste wrote: post #183

Off-topic, but the number of times people misspell Colombia as Columbia is very high and I'm (more) disappointed in FB for letting it pass.

It grinds my gears too. Mnemonic for anyone that struggles with it:

ColOmbia is the cOuntry.

ColUmbia is the shUttle (or University).

Re: Facebook Dating

#219

Post by dlivingston » Thu, Sep 05, 2019, 5:08 PM UTC

buboard wrote: post #214

dlivingston wrote: post #204

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Can you explain this further?

depends on the dating culture. Casual dating apps are not popular here, so people use facebook messaging

Okay, walk me through this - do you, say, see a cute girl (friend of a friend, someone in your city, etc.) that you might fancy, and just randomly send her a message?

Re: Facebook Dating

#220

Post by LyndsySimon » Thu, Sep 05, 2019, 5:08 PM UTC

paggle wrote: post #195

asdfman123 wrote: post #179

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> it's that there are very different faces of ourselves that we show to the professional world, to our friends, to partners, and to the world at large I think Facebook's goal is to make it so that you have one persona you show to everyone. To me, that seems like a cultural thing unique to Silicon Valley that the rest of the world does not necessarily want. It seems like a mistake. If you have one persona, that means…

The whole Maven / Damore stuff at Google shows the strengths and weaknesses of this “one persona” approach. People in Silicon Valley bring their entire selves to work, they protest their own company when they feel it is not having properly, there’s something to admire about that but most people elsewhere are happy to keep work at work and not get too worked up about what their company is or isn’t doing.

> they protest their own company when they feel it is not having properly

You're right, but I don't understand that perspective.

If my company is doing something that I think is morally wrong, I'm going to be finding employment elsewhere and telling them why. I might even speak out about it... after I leave.

If we're doing something that I think it's great but doesn't justify my quitting, then I'm going to be speaking up internally about it. Going public with a grievance against your employer just strikes me as being counter-productive - you're risking being fired, you're damaging your future prospects for advancement there, and you're potentially damaging the entity to which you've tied your financial future.

The way I see it, when I work for a company I'm part of their public face. Even though I may not (certainly don't, actually) represent the company, my actions and statements still influence people's impression of the brand. If I'm upset about something enough that I'm willing to damage the company's brand to speak out about it, then I'm upset enough that I don't want to be providing material support to them by continuing to work there.