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The Lie Hollywood Loves to Tell

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Re: The Lie Hollywood Loves to Tell

#201

Post by calinet6 »

crazygringo wrote: post #196
Udo wrote: post #171

Another question is, of course, if straight dating can be fixed at all. After short stints on all the major dating websites, and of course trying to date in the real world, I've come to believe that the basic expectations people have can't really be satisfied, mostly by virtue of mathematics. The following is a male perspective, but I think the observations should be on par for the other side as well: First, there is…

It's funny... here in New York City, I hear people saying the exact opposite. That guys are having a great time on a dating site, because there are tons of attractive and interesting women, and all the single girls seem to create profiles! And girls not having a lot of luck on a dating site, because a lot of guys don't create profiles, and sometimes it seems like all the "good" ones are taken. However, this may also…

Guys, seriously, spend a few years on the East coast. The girls are nice, down to earth, educated, and plentiful. And the winters will make you tough.

Re: The Lie Hollywood Loves to Tell

#202

Post by JDGM »

mikeash wrote: post #199
JDGM wrote: post #198

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Aha, I did not realise that. How interesting. Thanks! The values on that map are a little frustrating, have we got anything which offers more precision for those enormous 1-91 and 108-205 ranges? I look at that and think "Across the country the ratio could only vary between about 9 men for every 10 women and 9 women for every 10 men and the diagram would still be totally correct - is that even really significant?". (…

I think that the places covered by those enormous ranges can be fairly comfortably assumed to almost all be close to 91 and 108. As for a 9:10 ratio, it all depends on the rate of committed relationships. Remember that this is all people, married, committed, and single. If they're all single, 9:10 is probably pretty good. If 95% of people are in a committed relationship (ignoring homosexuality, which probably cancels…

Great explanation! I have a much clearer understanding of it now. Cheers :)

Re: The Lie Hollywood Loves to Tell

#203

Post by AnthonyMouse »

mikeash wrote: post #192
JDGM wrote: post #190

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If I understand you and your parent correctly then what you're each implying about differences in numbers of single men seeking women and single women seeking men within a given area appears to violate at least one of a few basic and seemingly-reasonable assumptions: 1. The ratio of females to males is very close to 1 anywhere in the country. 2. Heterosexuality, homosexuality, etc. is about the same in males and fema…

#1 is an incorrect assumption: http://nationalatlas.gov/articles/people/IMAGES/gender-fig4....

Which part of it is supposed to be incorrect? The map has basically the western half of the country blue and the eastern half red.

Is the contention the word "huge" because the disparity is only ~103:100 in a lot of places? Because that's actually pretty big when it comes to dating, because of the "available pool" problem: Most members of both genders are paired up already, and each pair removes one member from each pool. Those with a different sexual orientation from you or those not actively seeking a relationship come out of the pool too. So you go from 103:100 to something like 13:10, which is pretty huge.

Re: The Lie Hollywood Loves to Tell

#204

Post by beachstartup »

curt wrote: post #26

The problem with online dating boils down to: guys have no idea what they are doing. I've helped my friends and the secret is to write a three sentence message: an intro about why the message, a funny sentence, and finally a light question. It's pretty simple. I used it on OkCupid and got about a 30-50% response rate. Now I'm 6'8" and in shape which skewed the results but my friends copied what I did and their respon…

no. do not be yourself if being yourself has not netted you success. men need to do the research and then put in the practice in what women actually want.

there are thousands of articles and dozens of discussion sites out there related to self-improvement and success with women. there is a huge spectrum from bad PUA stuff all the way to general fitness and nutrition focus, avoid the ones that turn you off and read the ones that appeal to your common sense.

i repeat - do NOT just "be yourself". tall fit white guy's advice does not apply to you if you are not tall and fit and white. you need to put in the work to improve yourself if you are not the hollywood marketed image of 'perfect guy'

ignore this guy and improve yourself in other more meaningful ways. attractive women do not exclusively go for good looking tall guys, not by FAR. women are not actually that shallow. it's more about personality and fitness.

Re: The Lie Hollywood Loves to Tell

#205

Post by JDGM »

AnthonyMouse wrote: post #193
JDGM wrote: post #190

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If I understand you and your parent correctly then what you're each implying about differences in numbers of single men seeking women and single women seeking men within a given area appears to violate at least one of a few basic and seemingly-reasonable assumptions: 1. The ratio of females to males is very close to 1 anywhere in the country. 2. Heterosexuality, homosexuality, etc. is about the same in males and fema…

I think the reason for the difference is pretty clear. By the West Coast the parent really means Silicon Valley and Washington, the major tech hubs. In Silicon Valley in particular, that is the industry. And, of course, plenty of the employees are imported from other areas, and the professional gender balance in this industry skews overwhelmingly male. So it creates a corresponding gender imbalance in the surrounding…

Right, I see. My instincts about the US are non-existent, but your explanation combined with some googling of the populations and land sizes of those areas has made it much clearer. Thanks!

Re: The Lie Hollywood Loves to Tell

#206

Post by guard-of-terra »

It's interesting that I've never seriously encountered "you have zero control over who you end up with in life, and any attempt you make at dating is futile" in the wild where I live.

Online dating is still shunned upon, but for the opposite reason that you're not working hard enough on finding your match if you're "just" tapping buttons in the internet.

Re: The Lie Hollywood Loves to Tell

#207

Post by mikeash »

AnthonyMouse wrote: post #203
mikeash wrote: post #192

Earlier quoted context omitted.

#1 is an incorrect assumption: http://nationalatlas.gov/articles/people/IMAGES/gender-fig4....

Which part of it is supposed to be incorrect? The map has basically the western half of the country blue and the eastern half red. Is the contention the word "huge" because the disparity is only ~103:100 in a lot of places? Because that's actually pretty big when it comes to dating, because of the "available pool" problem: Most members of both genders are paired up already, and each pair removes one member from each…

I think you're a little confused. I'm replying to someone who stated an assumption that the male:female ratio is very close to 1:1 everywhere in the US. I said that is incorrect, and demonstrated with a map of gender ratios. Your apparently-disagreeing reply to me is actually saying what I'm saying.

Re: The Lie Hollywood Loves to Tell

#208

Post by TazeTSchnitzel »

mamoswined wrote: post #103
dougk16 wrote: post #41

One theory on why the author might be having a little trouble with OkCupid comes down to this sentence: "Unless your parents are Jewish and they threaten to disown you for not having a Jewish boyfriend...yea, you may not want to message me in that case." I mean, I laughed, it's a funny profile, but ultimately it implies bitterness over your last relationship, which, in my experience, is a turn off for both sexes. Don…

OKCupid actually has a question that you could use to filter out non-Jewish people or people who want to date only Jewish people. But unfortunately it sounds like she decided it mattered only when the relationship was underway.

Religious differences can sometimes be a convenient excuse to end a relationship, speaking from experience.

Re: The Lie Hollywood Loves to Tell

#209

Post by Kliment »

dclowd9901 wrote: post #95
gimeq wrote: post #75

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That's actually a common problem, for Jewish people or other people in inward-focused culture X X person meets a non-X, they get along, and then X's parents turn the screws, ruining the relationship.

And JDate, BlackPeopleMeet, et al don't solve these culture x problems?

The problem is not that you can't find someone who is x, the problem is that when you find someone who you want to be with, and you don't give a flying fuck if they are x or non-x, you still get your relationship ruined by other x being dicks to your non-x and to you by extension. That is the problem. And no, those sites do not solve it, if anything they might make it worse. (You should dump your non-x because look how many eligible x there are on xdate.com and xpeoplemeet.com)

Re: The Lie Hollywood Loves to Tell

#210

Post by largesse »

crazygringo wrote: post #196
Udo wrote: post #171

Another question is, of course, if straight dating can be fixed at all. After short stints on all the major dating websites, and of course trying to date in the real world, I've come to believe that the basic expectations people have can't really be satisfied, mostly by virtue of mathematics. The following is a male perspective, but I think the observations should be on par for the other side as well: First, there is…

It's funny... here in New York City, I hear people saying the exact opposite. That guys are having a great time on a dating site, because there are tons of attractive and interesting women, and all the single girls seem to create profiles! And girls not having a lot of luck on a dating site, because a lot of guys don't create profiles, and sometimes it seems like all the "good" ones are taken. However, this may also…

That's just an extension of the "big city" effect. In general, attractive women gravitate toward big cities seeking successful men. I know that sounds sexist, but it really is a thing and it skews demographics. There are more dating women in NYC competing for fewer men. The situation in Nome, Alaska is reversed.
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