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Making peace with your unlived dreams (2023)

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Re: Making peace with your unlived dreams (2023)

#201

Post by Shocka1 »

stego-tech wrote: post #50

It’s the not-knowing that is the most haunting. I know I’ll never be able to take martial arts; I have made peace with that. I know I will never be an amazing athlete; I have made peace with that as well. Same with my body composition: I will never be rail-thin, I will never “fit” into most “fun” cars even when I finish my weight loss journey, I will never be the kind of guy who can fit into a Medium of anything clot…

I competed at a professional level in motorsports and had a lot of momentum in my 20s. It felt as though I was headed to the top of the sport, but it came to an abrupt end from a rare medical condition. I struggled for several years to come to terms with not knowing what could of been and probably had some minor depression because of it. It took a lot of self reflection and time to realize that I was extremely lucky to experience what I had, and I had so much to be happy about in the present.

That being said, there is a Limitless episode with Chris Hemsworth that might resonate with you, especially regarding martial arts. Watch season 1, episode 6, called "Acceptance". I had never watched any other episode of this show, but late one night when the whole house was asleep I was browsing and came across this episode and thought "hmm, looks like a good bedtime show". Ended up watching it and you'd have thought someone was cutting a thousand onions in my house. In fact, our Golden Retriever turned into a service dog that night hah!

Re: Making peace with your unlived dreams (2023)

#203

Post by YZF »

stego-tech wrote: post #148
dentemple wrote: post #121

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Has a doctor restricted you from doing martial arts specifically? I ask because there are certainly lighter martial arts programs out there that even folks with medical and/or mental issues can still do and gain benefit from them.

Yes. It’s the contact aspect that’s problematic, and all the widely-available training I’ve found in my life thus far has been contact-oriented: self-defense, belt/rank progression, sparring requirements, etc. Honestly if I lived closer to the city I’d probably go looking for a Tai Chi group. That’s about as close as I can get. Also considering fencing when I lose more weight/am not the world’s largest target. There’…

Karate traditionally has 3 components, Kihon, Kata, and Kumite ... I would try going to some more traditional Karate Dojo and asking if you can practice with them without sparring. Most of the class isn't sparring anyways and if the others spar then you can just practice your Kata or Kihon while they do that. While sparring is important it's possibly the least important component in many traditional schools.

Whether or not you'll be able to progress in belts/ranks is different but who cares. Wearing a white belt forever is probably better for character development. If your goal is the belt just go to the store and buy a belt.

There's also archery and I'm sure there are many other options for no-contact martial arts training. If fencing works for you then there's also Kendo. There's Iai-do which is just about drawing the sword. Lots of options in theory.

Re: Making peace with your unlived dreams (2023)

#204

Post by raffael_de »

shermantanktop wrote: post #176
raffael_de wrote: post #135

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> A life well-lived is really what we should all hope for. That doesn't make sense. A life however-lived implies you're dead. You cannot admire your well-lived life. > I can’t change the past, but I can change the future. You cannot change the future ... Maybe you're not a native speaker. The reason why I reply is because I notice that many people fall into language traps when reasoning about something philosophical.…

I am a native speaker. I think the language problem is on your end. You changed the future in this thread, by responding to me with an incredibly literal reading of my comment. So I responded and now you get to read it. So here we are in the future, having a conversation about philosophy and time’s arrow. It didn’t have to be that way, you could have made some other comment, or I could have not responded.

I don't see how you can change something that doesn't exist (yet).

Re: Making peace with your unlived dreams (2023)

#205

Post by keithnz »

munificent wrote: post #92
keithnz wrote: post #88

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The article is a bit off base IMHO. That guy could go snowboarding, he just thinks the warning he got creates a risk that isn't worth it. It sounds to me he hasn't even thought much about risk mitigation, or alternatives, etc. So really he's talking about letting go of a non serious fantasy that he has. 'Dream' is a bit of a wishy washy term... you could call that fantasy a dream, but you could also call things you a…

With respect, the author said his doctor told him not to. I am certain that the author and their medical professional know a hell of a lot more about what's a good idea for his body than you or I do. When you are young and healthy, it feels like your body has no real hard limits, and doesn't define the boundary of what is and what isn't possible. But at some point, through age or misfortune, you will learn that, no,…

I don't think you understood the point. If it really is your "dream" you adapt, as someone else pointed out, there's people without knees who snowboard.... there's a bunch of things you can do. But quite clearly, he hadn't even started on that journey, he didn't even know if he would have enjoyed it. it was a fantasy. Trust me, I get it, I have bad knees, but during my 40s my fantasy was to do parkour, and I did, I just adapted and got pretty good at it, now in my 50s, I don't do parkour anymore, but have a bunch of other problems and I still work out how to do the things I want.

Re: Making peace with your unlived dreams (2023)

#206

Post by agumonkey »

donatj wrote: post #143

I turned 40 the other day. There has been unrelenting reflection on where I am and how I got here. A lot of lament for a small handful of decisions and a life marked by avoiding uncomfortable decisions. I don't know where the last 20 years have gone. Last I remember, I was playing Wii in my friend's basement. I remember the seemingly endless opportunities nights laid out before us. DVDs and pizza and furious laughter…

May be the shock of a realization, but not the actual realization. Yeah life moves in strange ways, time is gone but you also learned some, when the pain settles you may have a clearer and more colorful mind. The brain has often the ability to readjust. What are the odds of having the best life all the time ?

Re: Making peace with your unlived dreams (2023)

#207

Post by nuancebydefault »

madaxe_again wrote: post #110
stego-tech wrote: post #50

It’s the not-knowing that is the most haunting. I know I’ll never be able to take martial arts; I have made peace with that. I know I will never be an amazing athlete; I have made peace with that as well. Same with my body composition: I will never be rail-thin, I will never “fit” into most “fun” cars even when I finish my weight loss journey, I will never be the kind of guy who can fit into a Medium of anything clot…

Hm. I think Proust put it well: Desire makes everything blossom and flourish. Possession makes everything wither and fade. I’m a lucky son of a gun. Managed to slap the eject button on the treadmill early enough in life that I found myself in my early 30s with all the time in the world, and enough cash that it certainly felt like it. I went and lived so many dreams. Did a whole bunch of things I had already, in my de…

I'm not very materialistic and i have saved heaps, so never in financial trouble.

What I'm always looking for is love, even though I have a loving family, wife and kid. Its always been like that. I almost constantly want to connect with people, as if anyone should be a backup or shoulder to cry on, should I fall. I can't afford to anyone not liking me.

I dream of being with that lady, she makes me feel good when she's around, but my mind knows she cannot fulfill this always present desire for love or close connection. It will certainly not be a good idea to break what I already have, even hardship alone. I don't know her well and i probably never will. So i keep on musing about her, probably as long as I will regularly see her passing by. We will keep on smiling at each other and talk gently about our struggles in life. I can't help it, it's who I am.

So what a lot of people feel around money, posessions, status, early retirement, nice vacations, a trained body... I have around love and connection and it will probably never resolve. I believe I'm coming to terms with it.

Re: Making peace with your unlived dreams (2023)

#208

Post by all2 »

jdw64 wrote: post #196
all2 wrote: post #194

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think you should try to go back to school for physics. Or teach yourself physics. If this idea still draws you, you should do it. What sub-field were you going for?

I majored in superconductivity

That's awesome! I've always been fascinated by superconductors, especially the so-called 'high temp' ones. There are some you can even make in a garage with a minimal setup. When I'm retired, maybe. :D

Re: Making peace with your unlived dreams (2023)

#209

Post by CarlJW »

donatj wrote: post #143

I turned 40 the other day. There has been unrelenting reflection on where I am and how I got here. A lot of lament for a small handful of decisions and a life marked by avoiding uncomfortable decisions. I don't know where the last 20 years have gone. Last I remember, I was playing Wii in my friend's basement. I remember the seemingly endless opportunities nights laid out before us. DVDs and pizza and furious laughter…

Thank you for sharing. Not yet 30 here, but I can feel myself getting older under the stresses of life. It's an uncanny feeling.

We all have different experiences and lessons. One of my most freeing realisations came after a bad breakup. It was that what I had wanted and persued was born out of the attachment to, and loss of what I had had as a child.

It opened my eyes to the idea that what was familiar to my childhood might not be what would be most enjoyable or rewarding or suitable for me. It allowed me to let go of that narrow ideal and embrace the possibility of a radically different life.

Not long after that I met my now Fiancée, who was from an entirely different culture, who I never would have considered in my subconciously narrow mindset of a "type" before.

I can relate to what you said about games. My friend ran a small server for our friend group in the early days of Minecraft. Logging on after school to hang out and build stuff together was a special experience. Special because it's not likely to be repeated. Cherished memories. I don't play now because I think I'm too busy and think I can't afford the time. It's hard to switch off that voice. You need other people for that.

I also feel that there isn't enough time to do all the things. Then one day I got a piece of paper and drew a little picture for each experience that I have tasted. I realised that many of these had been dreams at one point. Or ideas with aspirations to become proficient in. But looking back at it all on one page gives a nice feeling of contentment and accomplishment.

I often observe that a goal or dream has come true in its own time. Most often after that goal or dream has left my mind or active plans.

In the middle of my page of drawings I wrote the words "You have time." I look at it often.

Re: Making peace with your unlived dreams (2023)

#210

Post by munificent »

keithnz wrote: post #205
munificent wrote: post #92

Earlier quoted context omitted.

With respect, the author said his doctor told him not to. I am certain that the author and their medical professional know a hell of a lot more about what's a good idea for his body than you or I do. When you are young and healthy, it feels like your body has no real hard limits, and doesn't define the boundary of what is and what isn't possible. But at some point, through age or misfortune, you will learn that, no,…

I don't think you understood the point. If it really is your "dream" you adapt, as someone else pointed out, there's people without knees who snowboard.... there's a bunch of things you can do. But quite clearly, he hadn't even started on that journey, he didn't even know if he would have enjoyed it. it was a fantasy. Trust me, I get it, I have bad knees, but during my 40s my fantasy was to do parkour, and I did, I j…

There is a difference between coming up with some way to adapt your dreams to the limits of your body versus what your initial comment which was simply "That guy could go snowboarding, he just thinks the warning he got creates a risk that isn't worth it."

I think people are entitled to decide the contours and priorities of their own dreams. If snowboarding was the author's main goal in life and "snowboarding" for him was a loosely-defined enough dream to still feel satisfied by whatever accommodations his knees forced upon him, then, yes, he could probably still reach it. But not all dreams are created equal and we don't have infinite agency. We have to pick our battles and the author may feel that while this is a dream, it's not an important enough one to go through all of the risks or other accommodations needed to get there.

Or perhaps his dream is to snowboard in a certain way, and have a certain kind of experience that simply won't work with his knees the way they are. I saw a video once of a guy carrying his brother who had cerebral palsy through a race. It had always been the brother's dream to race and since his disability prevented it, that was how they accomplished it. I am absolutely thrilled that both brothers were able to have an experience that feels so meaningful to them.

But, for me, if my dream were to run a race, being carried wouldn't feel like accomplishing that dream. Maybe another dream, equally worthwhile. But if it's not my feet pounding the pavement, that's not my dream. Perhaps the author's dream is similarly inflexible.

Either way, after someone writes an article about learning how to accept the limitations that life places on it, it seems rude to me to just tell him he didn't want it bad enough.

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