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The happiest I've ever been

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Re: The happiest I've ever been

#201

Post by card_zero »

bengale wrote: post #35

In the nicest possible way, this is basically the oldest lesson there is. You weren’t happy because you optimized your feelings or had the right opinions. You were happy because you stopped focusing on yourself and became responsible for other people. Six kids needed you, in the real world, every week. That kind of outward focus kills emptiness fast. Chasing happiness, moral righteousness, or political engagement jus…

> Chasing happiness, moral righteousness, or political engagement just loops you back into your own head, helping people doesn’t. Feeling good is a side-effect of being useful, not the goal.

Presumably you imply that moral righteousness, too, is best attained intuitively, by being useful to others and helping them (to do whatever, like a useful idiot?) without conscious thought for what's right.

Or else you're saying "help people for no reason even though it isn't right, and you'll end up feeling good that way so it's fine".

Re: The happiest I've ever been

#202

Post by jimbokun »

idiotsecant wrote: post #94
nvarsj wrote: post #40

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There’s an entire generation of mostly childless adults who are shocked to find they enjoy contributing to others’ happiness. I have friends like this, their only purpose in life is to have no responsibilities, FIRE, and never give to anyone but themselves. Seems like a terribly depressing way to live but pretty common in tech/upper middle class circles.

It's always funny how many people think that the only font of altruism is taking care of children who have your DNA , like that's some kind of selfless act. It is, in fact, the ultimate vanity of which humans are capable. Raising little variations of yourself might make you feel good, but if you think it's a unique path to a fulfilling life I suggest you are the one in the little bubble.

We are having fewer children and also seeing huge increases in loneliness and mental health problems.

Re: The happiest I've ever been

#203

Post by jimbokun »

perrygeo wrote: post #81
bengale wrote: post #35

In the nicest possible way, this is basically the oldest lesson there is. You weren’t happy because you optimized your feelings or had the right opinions. You were happy because you stopped focusing on yourself and became responsible for other people. Six kids needed you, in the real world, every week. That kind of outward focus kills emptiness fast. Chasing happiness, moral righteousness, or political engagement jus…

The entire zeitgeist of software technology revolves around the assumption that making things efficient, easy, and quick is inherently good. Most people who are "sitting in front of rectangles, moving tiny rectangles" have sometime grandiose notions of their works' importance; we're making X work better for the good of Y to enable Z. Abstract shit like that. No man, you're just making X easier. If the world needs mor…

It’s really just because those of us choosing this profession are also very good at optimizing chosen metrics. But don’t always ask whether they are good metrics and whether they become counterproductive past some point.

Re: The happiest I've ever been

#204

Post by jimbokun »

eastbound wrote: post #185
__turbobrew__ wrote: post #176

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> But, if somebody offered me a time machine to travel back in time and live at any point in history, would I take it? Hell no. If given a choice I would rather be born in 1940s. 80 years of relative peace, prosperity, cheap education, cheap housing, only single parent needs to work, stronger community network, less overpopulation, better access to doctors, better wealth equality, and you get to partake in the first…

But when meeting friends, you’d have to agree in advance to a spot and time and wait aimlessly, so many times in the day. Then you’d pick up smoking or reading depending on your character.

Sounds wonderful.

Re: The happiest I've ever been

#205

Post by card_zero »

jimbokun wrote: post #202
idiotsecant wrote: post #94

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's always funny how many people think that the only font of altruism is taking care of children who have your DNA , like that's some kind of selfless act. It is, in fact, the ultimate vanity of which humans are capable. Raising little variations of yourself might make you feel good, but if you think it's a unique path to a fulfilling life I suggest you are the one in the little bubble.

We are having fewer children and also seeing huge increases in loneliness and mental health problems.

Even despite the mitigating effect of having fewer children, we are seeing huge increases in loneliness and mental health problems.

Re: The happiest I've ever been

#206

Post by yodsanklai »

nvarsj wrote: post #40
bengale wrote: post #35

In the nicest possible way, this is basically the oldest lesson there is. You weren’t happy because you optimized your feelings or had the right opinions. You were happy because you stopped focusing on yourself and became responsible for other people. Six kids needed you, in the real world, every week. That kind of outward focus kills emptiness fast. Chasing happiness, moral righteousness, or political engagement jus…

There’s an entire generation of mostly childless adults who are shocked to find they enjoy contributing to others’ happiness. I have friends like this, their only purpose in life is to have no responsibilities, FIRE, and never give to anyone but themselves. Seems like a terribly depressing way to live but pretty common in tech/upper middle class circles.

> Seems like a terribly depressing way to live

This sounds very judgmental. Don't assume there's a single way to live a happy life. People with kids aren't immune to depression or lack of purpose.

Re: The happiest I've ever been

#207

Post by jimbokun »

NickNaraghi wrote: post #27

Csikszentmihalyi's flow research[0] basically predicts the author's whole arc here. People are happiest during structured, challenging activities with clear goals and tight feedback loops. Coaching middle schoolers in a gym hits every condition on his list. Btw, the other finding worth mentioning is that people consistently predict that free time and relaxation will make them happier, then report the opposite. [0] Fl…

I once heard a former professional athlete say the hardest thing about working outside the world of sport, was not being able to look up at a scoreboard at the end of the game every week and know how well you did.

Re: The happiest I've ever been

#208

Post by jimbokun »

dgritsko wrote: post #6

These blog posts are fascinating to read. I don't have a personal blog, but if I did I'm sure I would've written a very similar post as I've been wrestling with similar thoughts over the last few weeks. I have the distinct sense that I will look back on February 2026 as an inflection point, where AI crossed over from being an interesting parlor trick to something that fundamentally and irreversibly altered what I do…

The challenge is whether any of those meaningful things we can do will pay the mortgage.

Re: The happiest I've ever been

#210

Post by jimbokun »

bloomingeek wrote: post #32

My new goals are: Seek beauty, Seek happiness and Don't make people sad. With a lot of effort, it's working. However, I soon discovered the last goal was the most difficult. Long story short, I keep my mouth shut a lot more. I feared, at first, that this would make me feel I was compromising myself somehow. But I also discovered that sometimes when I shared my opinion, knowing it was correct, I would later regret how…

That’s some powerful self insight you achieved.
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