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Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

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Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#201

Post by veunes »

lordnacho wrote: post #50

My childhood friend did this with his buddies. In our 20s they bought a big house in the suburbs and each had a room. They lived in that for a few years, and then when people started sprouting kids, some of them moved into the same building that was run as a coop. Eventually a lot of them were living in this coop. So now when I go back to see him there's all these people there that I've known since forever, living in…

It sounds very interesting. From the perspective of someone who finds it hard to make friends, it seems to me that such a concept is completely impossible. How diverse human connections and experiences are!

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#202

Post by pnw »

CuriousCosmic wrote: post #148
pnw wrote: post #55

Earlier quoted context omitted.

High density living in a downtown area is inversely correlated with having a family across a wide selection of different countries though. The highest density countries like Korea and Japan have some of the lowest fertility rates. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34914431/

> The highest density countries like Korea and Japan have some of the lowest fertility rates. I'm going to doubt that's because of density. That's entirely because of toxic aspects of the cultures (especially work and education culture) that make it near impossible to have and raise a child for the first few years of their life.

The same effect can be observed in animals and one theory is that it's a stress reaction to densely populated environments.

https://academic.oup.com/endo/article/162/11/bqab154/6354390

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#203

Post by noisy_boy »

kyawzazaw wrote: post #190
teruakohatu wrote: post #133

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Did you possibly reply to the wrong comment? If not: I don’t think it’s a realistic goal, at least in a typical Western country, for a person with a young family and a full time job to manage to meet up with friends, who are not co-workers, almost every day.

I intended to reply to you. Nope, my parents don't reside in a western country and they all have private businesses and we are relatively well-off. But even those who are not well-off or business owners will do this.

It all depends on the type of circle. Even within the same city, given the same depth of relationships, distance and the location matter. In a busy asian city, being as little as 15kms apart could result in meeting much less often. In a US small town with excellent roads, little traffic and everyone having cars, the friction is much lesser.

Time for friends is sacrificed first when you need to prioritize work/wife/children etc.

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#204

Post by dspillett »

exitb wrote: post #187
extr wrote: post #46

I go back and forth on this. I still keep in touch with a bunch of high school and college friends. For better or worse those guys know "the real me" and the history and relationships are impossible to replace. They all still live close together but I live far away - I only see them once or twice a year, if that (less right now because we're all in the "very young kids" stage). I miss them. On the other hand, when I…

> "the real me" I'm not sure the past you is the real you. People change and childhood friendships are mostly circumstantial. Would you befriend those people if you met them now? If not, than those relationships are kept by the power of nostalgia.

That varies with people. Some do genuinely feel that they have (and in many cases they genuinely have) hidden away part of themselves that they used to express in the past and want to express again, and in extreme cases this can be quite significant parts of their personality. For others all those past bits were things they only did to "fit in" and they are happy that they are not part of their current life. Most of us are somewhere between those two poles.

For myself, I feel I have changed, mostly for the better, over the decades but that neither "current me" or the "past me(s)" are any more or less real.

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#205

Post by globular-toast »

james-bcn wrote: post #194
extr wrote: post #46

I go back and forth on this. I still keep in touch with a bunch of high school and college friends. For better or worse those guys know "the real me" and the history and relationships are impossible to replace. They all still live close together but I live far away - I only see them once or twice a year, if that (less right now because we're all in the "very young kids" stage). I miss them. On the other hand, when I…

Do you think the "you" at highschool and college was "the real you"? Because that is definitely not the case for me. You grow older, you learn, you change views, you mature...

Yeah, this is interesting. I have had several different, non-intersecting, groups of friends throughout my life. I think they all know a different me. Some know what I would currently consider the "real me": basically a geek who is into Emacs and science fiction. But other groups variously know me as a hippy, a party goer, a womaniser, a gym-going "real man" type etc. I think sometimes they are disappointed that I'm not those things any more.

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#206

Post by bnlxbnlx »

I'm living with my partner and her brother and family and another family who are friends of ours in a house (which has three apartments). We moved there to live together (and continued to work remotely or found work elsewhere). Six adults, six children. It's an absolute treat. I can't imagine going back to a nuclear family setup. Living in a larger web with more support from all sides (both for adults and children) is just amazing.

And of course it's often not possible or easy to do this.

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#207

Post by pixelatedindex »

kidneystereotyp wrote: post #109
WarOnPrivacy wrote: post #19

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> More like I need to be rich to move to where my friends are Like most folks, we live where we can. Being able to pick a spot on a map has never been a possibility. It's been tighter than that tho. In 2021 we beat loooong odds to find any housing and insane odds to score a decent place that fit all of us. People with money in the bank were going homeless.

[dead]

> i dont think finding a place in city like SF should be considered long odds lol

To rent or to buy? Because those are vastly different things in today’s economy. Rent, sure - you can find one. Buying? You need 250K+ saved and jobs that lets you pay 8K/mo for at least 10 years.

But I do agree that people in areas with high RE who own a home and two cars shouldn’t be included in the poor category. That’s easily 1M in assets.

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#208

Post by pixelatedindex »

defrost wrote: post #108
pixelatedindex wrote: post #103

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> my mother lives in a rental apartment that my family has been in since 150 years ago. Wouldn’t it have been better to just buy property in that area? 150 years ago was 1874 - that’s many an economic cycle and the homesteading act was still a thing then. I find it hard to believe that renting was the best play here. Unless (cost of house/cost of annual rent) was always 16+, then maybe.

> the homesteading act Their mother likely rents in Europe where the US homesteading act didn't apply.

Ah, I didn’t catch that. My apologies for not catching that when reading their comments. EU does have far better consumer protection for renters.

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#209

Post by monkeycantype »

DavidPiper wrote: post #141
chasd00 wrote: post #76

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not sure if it’s just in America but people love to tear others down to lift themselves up by comparison. Once it clicks and you understand what is going on it’s easy to just ignore them.

OT, but it's interesting to hear this about America. Just yesterday I was in a conversation about how that (i.e. Tall Poppy Syndrome, what you're describing) is Australia's defining characteristic, and things are much better in America. But maybe not.

Tall poppy syndrome isn’t real, Australians don’t have a problem with people being successful but object to greed and lack of humility. Have a look at people who have claimed they were harmed by tall poppy attitudes and see what you think.

To use examples familiar to Americans, I’ve never read a bad word written on Hugh Jackman, Cate Blanchett, Terrance Tao….

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#210

Post by gverrilla »

almostvindiesel wrote: post #65

100% this. Started out with two families buying houses near each other in a family centric LA neighborhood (Eagle Rock). Then it expanded to 3 --> 4 --> 5 all within walking distance. We all have similar aged children. It's magic. We watch each others kids, do frequent backyard/park/sleepover playdates, and help w dropoff/pickup. It makes parenting SO MUCH EASIER. I often joke that I'm not a real parent bc we have so…

Smart practices! Will also greatly benefit the children in the long run, I'm sure. As a non-north-american it's funny that you call it a "commune" :)
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