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My Time Working at Stripe

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Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#201

Post by tharkun__ »

spencerflem wrote: post #191
tharkun__ wrote: post #182

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's not a gentle push though. It's setting up a group pressure situation that is definitely gonna make introverts feel uncomfortable (by a probably extroverted person that may genuinely not understand what they're even doing in that regard as it'd feel natural for them). Now I understand that with remote work there may not be enough space for chit chat. But there are other ways than a forced group pressure situation…

I thought feeling compelled to make up a story like a dead cat would be over the top, I'm so sorry that actually happened. I don't quite get the difference between a blocked off time for chit chat and the way the manager asked for it here but totally, being forced like you have to say something you don't want to sucks.

Feeling compelled to make up a story is part of the whole group pressure thing. Either you overshare i.e. share something that actually happened but that you would never have wanted to share without the group (and boss) pressure situation or you make something up (like many people in the comments here are saying).

I guess the difference is the same what I mentioned about stand-up changing: The team decided to do that. It wasn't a manager saying that's how we do things now.

EDIT: I also just realized you gave out condolences. See if I was in the situation from the article I might not be able to quickly come up with something fake and I'd instinctively just mention the cat thing (coz I don't want to be the guy that gets shunned). And then the next few weeks are gonna be very uncomfortable coz people will keep mentioning it.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#202

Post by progbits »

sensanaty wrote: post #152
wkjagt wrote: post #92

There's a lot of comments on the "10% more vulnerable" part of the post in here that amount to "I just owe the company work hours, and they owe me money", and a strong aversion to showing anything resembling human connection going slightly further than "how are you", "fine". One commented even called the question by the manager "abuse", and suggested the manager should be fired. But if on most days we're spending mos…

There's a power differential when management suggests you do something. Even if they genuinely, 100% for real would not care if you didn't share, the power balance is still at play there, which makes it dicey regardless of anything else. I actually like my manager, he's a chill guy and I've had some deep talks with him a few times (after work hours!), but if he pulled a stunt like this during work hours I'd 100% tell…

> Some people just don't care to make people from work anything more than an acquaintance.

I've also been in a situation where I tried but realized behind the work persona they were assholes I would never be friends with.

I've considered quiting at that point but decided to just not socialize with them. Work interactions are fine.

It's a bit sad because in previous job I got along really well with most coworkers but such is life. I have enough friends and if it ever becomes a problem at work I'll just leave.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#203

Post by xivusr »

Really appreciate the honest writing, and can appreciate the courage it takes to share this type of honest reflection publicly.

Definitely keep writing, the "like a peacock" line made me chuckle :-)

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#205

Post by ahajxjxjxbx »

Imustaskforhelp wrote: post #103
varispeed wrote: post #61

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I’d like us to try and be 10% more vulnerable than we normally would I would have reported manager to HR for this and if they didn't take action I would take company to tribunal. This is pure simple coercion into sharing personal data that then other workers could use against you. I can't see the world where sharing personal stuff at work is ever appropriate, let alone be subjected to peer pressure to share it.

This isn't and shouldn't be the typical response to such things. The boss had also become vulnerable asking you to be 10% more vulnerable. I think I would respect it more than harsh cold calculating boss. And also the chinese gospel's taking its effect here , the post above this paraphrased it differently and this has taken it to completely different level. Nobody is forcing you with a gun to tell things or else you…

Trust is earned. A person you don’t know immediately asking you to be vulnerable is predatory. Commonly seen in cults, frats, etc but at least you opt in to those (and can opt out).

Agreeing to work with a new manager is putting you in a vulnerable enough state. Build that trust over time - you likely don’t even need to hear about coworkers failed marriages.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#206

Post by margalabargala »

Aeolun wrote: post #78
varispeed wrote: post #64

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> a brilliant idea that might help the company a lot don't just do it. Never do it. It will never end up benefitting you, even if you find "allies" - who might even stab you in the back and take credit for the idea and then let you go once they get a promotion. If you have a brilliant idea, keep it to yourself, try to think of a way it could be used outside of the company and if it is strong enough start your own bus…

I mean, brilliant ideas can still be fun to work on. Who cares if you don’t get appropriately rewarded for saving the company $50k/month, it was time well spent. As opposed to working on that pointless crud thing your boss likes.

I agree with you. But not everyone will. Some people have jobs to pay for their lives outside of work, and that's it. And that's fine.

I take the stance of, the job I do for 8 hours 5 days a week might as well be something I actually enjoy doing above and beyond the financial incentive. Working on something I think is really neat is enjoyable, and I'm lucky to work in an industry doing things not so far from what I would spend my time doing anyway if I were retired.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#207

Post by hhh »

dymk wrote: post #187
captnObvious wrote: post #156

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It sounded like an optional request not a command. I’ve managed and I’ve been managed and the relationship ships I’ve built along the way are deep enough to have conversations like these. We’re doing life with this people it’s not a dystopian novel about capitalism. If you have a genuine person as your boss moments like these help form friendships, and don’t feel like a dark Dilbert comic. Friendships increase team c…

A manager asking you to do something is never “just” an optional request

They absolutely can be. You can push back against your manager.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#208

Post by thecleaner »

I kinda applaud OP for sharing their personal story. However, I personally never understood why people give a shit about objectives which aren't tied to business objectives. I mean the build improvement of 10x is great, but so what ?

Also, Stripe is barely profitable. As an engineer in big tech, I wouldn't even consider applying. You're better off targeting Principal engineer at Big Tech since it implies doing some really ground breaking software work. At that point, you probably don't have to worry about middle management and that bs. Outside the big 4 I had an experience where the manager read a Software engineering management book and would follow the things down to the letter like a superstition. It was a stupid exchange but ChatGPT really helped build my repository of meaningless corporate soeak. I find it to be a very useful skill.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#209

Post by FpUser »

varispeed wrote: post #138
wtfparanoid wrote: post #71

Earlier quoted context omitted.

what kind of dystopian workplace do you go to where people are looking to use things against you? The jobs I stick with are the ones where colleagues have got each others back. All this zero-sum game playing toxicity is what ruins work for the collaborative pro-social people. Find a work place that doesn't reward that kind of behaviour.

> what kind of dystopian workplace do you go to where people are looking to use things against you? Any corporate environment. You'll get stabbed in the back sooner or later. > where colleagues have got each others back. That doesn't sound healthy if people have to get each others back - usually means there are some bad actors that you'll need to cover up for. Do the job, be polite and leave ego at home. There is no…

>"That sounds dystopian to me. I prefer to have social life outside of work, with actual friends that I choose, not HR."

This. Companies doing social thing is nothing but trying to fool employees into feeling like they owe to company.

Re: My Time Working at Stripe

#210

Post by mattgreenrocks »

AbstractH24 wrote: post #134
Aeolun wrote: post #80

Earlier quoted context omitted.

While this is true, I find myself depressed by the idea of exchanging coding for herding everyone in the right direction. I’ve been trying to make that switch as it’s the only career prospect I have, but…

I can relate Would love to hear how others have solved this

In some sense, you don’t solve it. You are correct to perceive you are at a crossroads. And the hard part is knowing that either choice may foreclose some possibilities on the other path.

There’s still plenty of time to change gears, or move back and forth between the two choices. There are also other paths; see my comment above.

Important part is to not ignore the discomfort. I suggest reading Charity Majors’ blog posts around leadership vs engineering roles.

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