This is ultimately a dichotomy between having the family unit or "the state" as the central point of governance. Many totalitarian regimes looked at newborns as "belonging to the state". The result is a unified mass person who dresses, thinks and acts in predictable ways. The more power, personal connection and influence parents have over their children, the more diverse society will become.
A false dichotomy some would call that. Children can be raised in units different from the current western perception of "the" family unit. Besides, what countries are you talking about? Have you ever been there and met the uniform mass persons?
"Care" doesn't scale. You can't just replace "the family" with some industrialized system of raising children and get the same results. Not being able to scale "care" and make it more efficient is almost tautological, really.
> Besides, what countries are you talking about?
North Korea? Former Soviet Union?
At the very least appearance of conformity was ruthlessly enforced and even private conversations were infiltrated to detect dissent.