Do not try to be the smartest in the room; try to be the kindest

Post by wrs » Sun, Jun 16, 2024, 5:38 PM UTC

lotsofpulp wrote: post #113

Kye wrote: post #97

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is real. When the car broke down in a turn lane in the rain: lots of honking behind me When the hazard lights came on: honking stopped, people materialized to help push it back out of the road

I don’t understand the relevance of this example. Without the hazard light, there’s a 99% chance the person is simply looking at their phone, needlessly delaying everyone else, hence the honking to alert them to move. What else is another driver supposed to do? A hazard light means there is a problem that can’t be solved with honking.

Post by pcloadletter_ » Sun, Jun 16, 2024, 5:46 PM UTC

NickC25 wrote: post #193

Disagree with the title. What one should try to avoid being, is a dick. Help people improve. Point out their weaknesses and how they can improve, but get your ducks in a row beforehand - don't be a hypocrite. He who lives in a glass house and all that.... Have empathy, and understand your surroundings, as well as reading the room with context. Be direct with people, don't waste their time, but don't be rude or crass…

Post by iancmceachern » Sun, Jun 16, 2024, 6:00 PM UTC

steveBK123 wrote: post #101

codelikeawolf wrote: post #59

Ever since that back and forth about "East Coast being kind vs West Coast being nice" thing a while back[1], I think it's important to distinguish the two. Because they are noticeably different (at least to me) and shouldn't be used interchangeably. I want someone to be kind to me in a meeting. I think niceness could seriously inhibit progress. A kind person will tell me that an idea I have won't work, but they'll of…

To summarize the idea in a work concept for those who won't read through - East Coast "kind" would be to tell the person working for you about their performance issues early, in a constructive feedback manner such that they could course correct or find a role they are better suited for. The hope is they either improve in the role, find a new role internally, or decide to move on before having to stomach a firing. Wes…

Post by benji-york » Sun, Jun 16, 2024, 6:05 PM UTC

farmeroy wrote: post #196

therobots927 wrote: post #71

I definitely agree with this article. I’m at the stage of my career where my primary limiting factor is my inability to tolerate situations where it’s clear co-workers aren’t pulling their weight, don’t have the same philosophy I have about a project, or when they disagree about how to implement a solution. And nothing makes me angrier than when the tech lead or director in charge is clueless, which happens more ofte…

I feel like I am struggling with the same thing in my current role and point in my career. On one hand, I feel like I just need to come to terms with the fact that different people have different standards. On the other hand, I just desperately want to work with people who hold themselves to high standards and also get stuff done. In the meantime, I'm finding I'm running out of kindness. I often wonder if it's just m…

Post by PaulKeeble » Sun, Jun 16, 2024, 6:11 PM UTC

baazaa wrote: post #77

If we tallied up all technical projects in the Western world that failed, how many would be failing due to lack of kindness versus, say, straight-forwards incompetence? Because 100% fall in the latter category in my experience. One of the problems with engineers counter-signalling engineering values (like actual technical competence) is that we live in a world where those values are extremely underrated while every m…