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The Never Married, a New Normal

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Re: The Never Married, a New Normal

#201

Post by emodendroket »

Dalewyn wrote: post #198
emodendroket wrote: post #170

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think this creates an uncomfortable/unequal situation for the non working partner as you’ve essentially set yourself up as an authority figure over them rather than an equal.

Freedom is equivalent to responsibility. If you offload your responsibility of paying your expenses upon another, you surrender that freedom to them. If a couple wants equality, have separate finances and incomes and make agreements as to how any financial matters that must be handled together should be handled.

I don’t think I see what makes that more equal than treating all of your money as a shared resource between the two of you. Unless you have exactly the same income I think the opposite is true.

Re: The Never Married, a New Normal

#202

Post by tjr225 »

akokanka wrote: post #51

My brother married then his wife started to beat him up. He tried to escape has been forced back every time. It was either prison or wife. She reported him beating her same way. After lots of stress they finally dissolved their marriage. I'm planning to never ever marry anyone.

[dead]

Re: The Never Married, a New Normal

#203

Post by emodendroket »

shadowgovt wrote: post #200
nine_k wrote: post #172

Earlier quoted context omitted.

No. Children, in your one and only life which is going to end soon enough. Economy will never be perfect.

My parents' generation could raise two kids on one full time job. No way I'd try raising even one on a single income any more. So my wife and I can have a much nicer quality of life with zero kids.

When was it not true that you could live larger without needing to support children? Eventually I didn’t feel like being able to afford more baubles was my most important value anymore.

Re: The Never Married, a New Normal

#204

Post by Dalewyn »

ceejayoz wrote: post #164
orangepurple wrote: post #160

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Yet people with kids get divorced all the time anyway. This ruins the child

So does an unhappy marriage.

The true answer is that a dysfunctional marriage negatively affects any children period. If the would-be parents can't reasonably guarantee a happy household going forward, having children is the epitome of irresponsiblity.

Re: The Never Married, a New Normal

#206

Post by Dalewyn »

emodendroket wrote: post #201
Dalewyn wrote: post #198

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Freedom is equivalent to responsibility. If you offload your responsibility of paying your expenses upon another, you surrender that freedom to them. If a couple wants equality, have separate finances and incomes and make agreements as to how any financial matters that must be handled together should be handled.

I don’t think I see what makes that more equal than treating all of your money as a shared resource between the two of you. Unless you have exactly the same income I think the opposite is true.

If you rely on your spouse for your finances in any way, it means they are superior to you. You aren't financially independent and thus aren't equal, at least not within any immediate timeframe.

Re: The Never Married, a New Normal

#207

Post by ux-app »

paulryanrogers wrote: post #66
bckr wrote: post #44

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think it has more to do with the decline in religiosity in the US. Why get married? Typically there’s a wedding. That’s a ceremony involving you, your partner, both partners’ family and friends, and a religious and/or civic authority. You’re throwing a big party saying “we are committed to each other”. When you’re very religious, this is required to become partnered and accepted as an adult in the community. When y…

> I'd be interested in a ceremony celebrating a commitment to cohabitation and partnership that sheds the baggage of a wedding and marriage. Especially if it didn't involve renting a venue, 25% mark ups, hurt feelings from non-invited folks, decades of expectation building, and an industrial complex focused on money extraction.

ehh, it's a choice to buy into any of that bullshit.

we eloped $3,000km away to the tropics to get married. it was more of a holiday with a wedding day thrown in. we loosely, no expectations, invited a few friends and family and were pleasantly surprised to find 30 people met us there.

The whole thing, holiday and all cost us around $10k and was a total blast.

I found the traditional wedding day routine to be super claustrophobic and rigid.

Re: The Never Married, a New Normal

#208

Post by lotsofpulp »

adam_arthur wrote: post #156
emodendroket wrote: post #127

> Cohabitation has become a popular alternative; living together is a less complicated relationship model that comes with an easy escape hatch (compared with marriage) if the relationship fails This seems like a bit of a false promise... Once you commingle finances, own a house together, have children, and so on, there's no "easy escape hatch." Plus thinking of having an "easy escape hatch" probably does not do wonde…

Why commingle finances at all? A large percentage of divorces are due to financial disagreements... joint accounts have proven to be a failed model at scale. If you want to share money, have separate accounts and transfer money between them as needed/on a schedule. No room for impropriety/mistrust. Everybody has autonomy. If we choose to be realistic, rather than idealistic, we would recognize that a large percentage…

> Why commingle finances at all?

Because you have to in order to cohabitate? Just because two people do not use a joint account does not mean they both are not incurring shared expenses, i.e. commingling finances.

Rent/mortgage/property tax/home insurance/food/energy/kids/etc.

Re: The Never Married, a New Normal

#209

Post by nunez »

emodendroket wrote: post #127

> Cohabitation has become a popular alternative; living together is a less complicated relationship model that comes with an easy escape hatch (compared with marriage) if the relationship fails This seems like a bit of a false promise... Once you commingle finances, own a house together, have children, and so on, there's no "easy escape hatch." Plus thinking of having an "easy escape hatch" probably does not do wonde…

We've been married for five years and have been living together for ten. We have separate bank accounts and don't plan on changing that.

Re: The Never Married, a New Normal

#210

Post by emodendroket »

Dalewyn wrote: post #206
emodendroket wrote: post #201

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don’t think I see what makes that more equal than treating all of your money as a shared resource between the two of you. Unless you have exactly the same income I think the opposite is true.

If you rely on your spouse for your finances in any way, it means they are superior to you. You aren't financially independent and thus aren't equal, at least not within any immediate timeframe.

I don’t think I can agree with that one. A successful marriage involves interlocking reliance on the other partner in many ways. I couldn’t have born my own child, for instance.
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