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Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

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Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#201

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Remember, YouTube started as a dating service!

Source? Genuinely curious

It's a bit of legend in the YouTube community, but I've never looked into it myself. Thank you for motivating me to. The source in the article is from Steve Chen, co-founder of YouTube itself, at SXSW.

[1] https://www.cnet.com/tech/services-and-software/youtube-star...

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#203

I still have clear recollection of the 50:1 men-to-women ratio in my CS2xx classes and higher. Your odds weren't good if you were hoping to meet Mrs. Right. I imagine things have gotten better since. Still, seems like a fairly high effort low outcome place to meet someone who is likely not even receptive to advances in that context. Do colleges not offer many other opportunities for people to meet outside of class in…

When I was in college I think the thing to do was to take the ballroom dancing class if you wanted to meet Mr./Mrs. Right. I agree that taking an introductory science class is overthinking things…

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Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#204
post #17
post #8

Don't let senior level students audit junior level classes? Why are they even there besides the reasons outlined in the problem? This is a problem with the University because they don't want to acknowledge a problem. Do they really think that's going to last? If it was my daughter who left the class because she was harassed I'd be very angry.

Why do people see this as even remotely unethical? It seems to me that it's great that plenty of younger people are getting essentially free tutoring sessions and fun friendships/relationships out of it. Unless there's sexual assault/battery being alleged here, this is both ethical and good for all the students involved!

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Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#205
post #127

Earlier quoted context omitted.

No but there are social queues for this. Flirting is exactly that. Friendly small talk to see if the other person is receptive or not. If you're like me and are probably slightly autistic with very little social interaction growing up, then you'll be terrible at that. Perhaps this is the problem. A large number of socially awkward guys are joining these classes irritating all the young women.

The comment right below you is "the default should be don't hit on me" (in all caps) which kind of translates to "the default should be don't flirt with me", doesn't it? isn't flirting a form of hitting on somebody? which one of you is right? i have no clue

No flirting doesn't begin with hitting on someone. It's a game two people play. They edge closer to hitting on each other. Each time gauging the response. If the other person is not playing you'll never reach the point where you're hitting on them. Neither party needs to lose face and it can simply be a polite chat.

Some people just seem to know how to do this. For others its near impossible. I'm in the others group. When a girl was flirting with me in the past I sent messages to her that I wasn't interested. As I had no idea how to play that game. I didn't even know it was going on. Then when I was interested in a girl I tended to creep her out by being too awkward too direct. Even when I asked my wife out she almost dropped the phone as I shocked her by being too direct. Luckily we'd been friends for years and she knew me well enough to say yes.

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#206

A lot of you are okay with this?

She clarified "there are no unwanted advances". Just because someone is uncomfortable does not mean there's something untoward going on. E.g. if I'm uncomfortable with two men kissing each other in public, it doesn't follow that those two men are creepy. If you grow up with conservative parents, you may be socialized to believe that men kissing each other is creepy, when it is actually normal and healthy. Similarly,…

Not the same thing because of the power imbalance (older students, that teach labs) and obvious intent there is the threat of unwanted advances. I’d bet on even odds of actual abuse having occurred and it ends up being reported as less because who wants to go to court and face the next Epstein?

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#207
post #149
post #116

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't think that taking a class to get to know single women of your own age is disrespectful. Do we know they are objectifying? The post said this was about finding a future wife.

It’s disrespectful because it ignores the fact that the women are not there to date, but to learn. The men are getting in their way by showing off and offering disingenuous tutoring.

I feel like (as an old person) trying to tell youngsters how to behave at college, seems, well likely to fall in deaf ears.

But I'm not sure your point holds water. If women want to date, they can. If they don't want to then they don't have to. These other students hold no power, assign no grades, and so on.

Perhaps the root issue is the demoralization of some not being offered dates or extra tutoring? But it's hard to see how that might be corrected.

I confess I don't see the actual harm here - those that want to learn can learn, those that want to date can date. I suppose those that want to date, but aren't getting any offers....?

Still, as an old man, I'm not sure I'm qualified to weigh in - but to me it sounds like kids being kids.

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#208
post #118

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The real issue was pointed out by the professor herself, that only attractive women were being offered tutoring and getting attention. The ones complaining were jaded by the competition. I don't see how there is any issue with this if the men were respectful and didn't actually make unwanted advances. Why does the professor (a woman) feel like women are stupid, or need to be coddled? I can't think of anything more di…

She specifically said that some of the upperclassmen were helping run the labs which sounds like it would benefit everyone.

A smug upperclassmen != Good teacher

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#210
post #118

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The real issue was pointed out by the professor herself, that only attractive women were being offered tutoring and getting attention. The ones complaining were jaded by the competition. I don't see how there is any issue with this if the men were respectful and didn't actually make unwanted advances. Why does the professor (a woman) feel like women are stupid, or need to be coddled? I can't think of anything more di…

She specifically said that some of the upperclassmen were helping run the labs which sounds like it would benefit everyone.

I took that as within their lab groups. As-in sitting with their group of 4 or so, they led the group work.

Honestly, whatever their motives, that kind of interaction is what group work is for. Having students that can lead and communicate with peers is invaluable.

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