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Salesforce, but for Dating

dateforce.app

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Re: Salesforce, but for Dating

#201

Post by somebodythere »

MajorBee wrote: post #194
selestify wrote: post #193

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I had the same problem as you. I had the same reaction to this post. It sucks man. Dating apps were not good for my mental health, so I got off them before I could become a bitter person. I eventually found a gf outside of the apps, entirely by chance. I still do not see how I could’ve found her aside from pure random chance, so unfortunately that doesn’t help you at all.

The more you put yourself in social settings (online, offline, whatever), the more you increase the surface area for finding someone through "pure random chance". Just adding a more optimistic bent to things.

Exactly, dating apps are just one tool in the toolbox, and one that doesn't work well for a lot of people at that (in my experience, the types of people that I would be interested in dating generally aren't on dating apps, so I stopped using them.)

The trick is to find out where you're likely to meet the types of people you are interested in: interest groups, college campus, gaming Discords, climbing gym, etc. I think in dating, diversification is key, because the types of people you will find in any given environment can be highly autocorrelated in terms of preferences and personality.

The other trick is to actually flirt with people when you like someone. A minority of people might not take it well, but it actually brightens a lot of people's days when done respectfully and it's the only way to have a chance at getting somewhere.

Re: Salesforce, but for Dating

#202

Post by fleddr »

emrah wrote: post #158
InitialLastName wrote: post #145

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> dating as I define it is horribly broken Socializing as a whole is broken, triggered by the disappearance of third places, the dissolution of communities at the altar of the nuclear dual-income family, live-at-work jobs and "hustle culture" (Veblen entrepreneurship), and the unlimited streaming doom-scroll. With nowhere to go but work and home, good luck finding anyone to date or befriend via a nonexistent organic…

Very true! While what you are saying is very true, dating so many people at once, plus having dated so many in the past that you need an app to keep track of them all is a whole other level of broken

Recently an article described an extreme case, a woman in her thirties wasting 10 years "swiping" and dating "at scale". She'd check over a 100 profiles every single day for 10 years straight without even an attempt at forming a relationship.

Pure addiction, like a slot machine. The original purpose all but forgotten.

Re: Salesforce, but for Dating

#204

Post by fleddr »

tgv wrote: post #14
tus666 wrote: post #3

Sorry I cringed. Hoping this is a joke.

Don't you have a pipeline with girls you're going to cold-call, and a dating life manager that breathes down your neck when you haven't taken at least 10 girls out this month?

A dating life manager is a contradiction in itself.

In order to be an expert at dating, it's reasonable to assume that you've been on many dates. That pretty much means you actually suck at dating as the very point of dating is to stop dating (for most).

Re: Salesforce, but for Dating

#205

Post by selestify »

MajorBee wrote: post #194
selestify wrote: post #193

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I had the same problem as you. I had the same reaction to this post. It sucks man. Dating apps were not good for my mental health, so I got off them before I could become a bitter person. I eventually found a gf outside of the apps, entirely by chance. I still do not see how I could’ve found her aside from pure random chance, so unfortunately that doesn’t help you at all.

The more you put yourself in social settings (online, offline, whatever), the more you increase the surface area for finding someone through "pure random chance". Just adding a more optimistic bent to things.

I did that. I had plenty of friends, but no girlfriends ;)

I realized that increasing the surface area mostly only matters if you’re increasing the surface area of meeting the kind of person you want to date. As a hetero man, I was not doing activities that included many women. But I still don’t know what I could’ve done differently, because doing activities involving women that I don’t enjoy, so that I can be on the lookout for potential dates… doesn’t seem very enjoyable, and also seems a bit creepy. On the other hand, going to activities I don’t enjoy and not looking for dates seems rather pointless.

Re: Salesforce, but for Dating

#206

Post by selestify »

somebodythere wrote: post #201
MajorBee wrote: post #194

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The more you put yourself in social settings (online, offline, whatever), the more you increase the surface area for finding someone through "pure random chance". Just adding a more optimistic bent to things.

Exactly, dating apps are just one tool in the toolbox, and one that doesn't work well for a lot of people at that (in my experience, the types of people that I would be interested in dating generally aren't on dating apps, so I stopped using them.) The trick is to find out where you're likely to meet the types of people you are interested in: interest groups, college campus, gaming Discords, climbing gym, etc. I thin…

You’re right. As a hetero man, I was not doing activities that included many women. But I still don’t know what I could’ve done differently, because doing activities involving women that I don’t enjoy, so that I can be on the lookout for potential dates… doesn’t seem very enjoyable, and also seems a bit creepy. On the other hand, going to activities I don’t enjoy and not looking for dates seems rather pointless.

Re: Salesforce, but for Dating

#207

Post by guestbest »

jaqalopes wrote: post #160

A lot of dunking going on in here, and fairly so, if nothing else because there is no good business model for an app like this unless they build it into dating apps (who's going to manually enter data from Tinder into this thing?). But the dunking seems to overlook the genuine problems with modern dating that didn't exist in the past. I find that it's very easy to mindlessly swipe a thousand people on an app and sudd…

Based on your profile, this is output from a program, correct?

Re: Salesforce, but for Dating

#208

Post by nlh »

rcme wrote: post #122
nlh wrote: post #65

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yes. Having been in this space for a bit, there are a few reasons why it hasn't worked (yet): 1. The problem of deduplicating contacts is tough (but solvable). If you don't solve it well, then the utility of personal CRM goes wayyyyy down and you're getting notifications about the same people with different email / WhatsApp / Instagram addresses and that gets annoying. 2. People haven't shown a big willingness to pay…

One problem I've had adopting such a system is that you want the system to help manage some load of work, e.g. maintaining your personal relationships. But using the product is itself work: you need to set it up, remember to use it, keep it up to date, etc. So, just as you've procrastinated keeping up with old friends, you procrastinate using the tool. And, of course, the tool doesn't reduce the workload of keeping u…

Yes yes absolutely 100x. That's another problem with the existing tools - they're a lot of work! You can say "we'll solve the duplicate contacts problem by ignoring it and letting using de-dupe themselves" welllll that's a lot of work!

And then there's the empty-database problem. I installed Monica a while back and the first thing it prompted me to do was.....input all my contacts. No Facebook import, no LinkedIn import, etc. Are you kidding me? I'm not rebuilding my friend graph from scratch. So I ditched the tool immediately (note: I haven't looked at it in years so it might have fixed some of those issues in the meantime).

And absolutely yes - there's the actual work of being in touch with people that you can't (or shouldn't, in a non-dystopian world) automate away. I'm sure someone will figure out how to rig up GPT-3 to do that but ughhhh...shiver please don't.

Re: Salesforce, but for Dating

#209

Post by nlh »

BeefySwain wrote: post #78
nlh wrote: post #65

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yes. Having been in this space for a bit, there are a few reasons why it hasn't worked (yet): 1. The problem of deduplicating contacts is tough (but solvable). If you don't solve it well, then the utility of personal CRM goes wayyyyy down and you're getting notifications about the same people with different email / WhatsApp / Instagram addresses and that gets annoying. 2. People haven't shown a big willingness to pay…

Could you expand on what options exist currently? You say you are in the space, does that mean you have been keeping an eye on it, that you are working on something, or ?

I'm in the space in that I co-founded a company called Connect The Dots (ctd.ai) that certainly has the potential to solve this problem, but we're not focused on the PRM space right now (see point above re: unwillingness to pay). Perhaps down the road.

The two commercial tools that come to mind are:

* Dex (https://getdex.com/)

* Clay (https://clay.earth/)

Although neither have really nailed it (yet). Clay is more like a Superhuman-for-Contacts, whereas Dex is really going hard at being a true PRM.

The big open source tool out there is:

* Monica (https://www.monicahq.com/)

Re: Salesforce, but for Dating

#210

Post by all2 »

ChicagoBoy11 wrote: post #176

I fortunately found a life partner before dating apps took the foothold they have now, but from speaking with younger relatives and friends, I think virtually all of them (at least the male ones) could only dream of ever even being able to use something like this. It seems to me the far more common experience is for, at any given time, their number of active prospects through those apps to be on the order of 0. Or ar…

> Or are all my friends/family just ugly?

No. They're all probably pretty good looking. The problem with the apps is the selection bias exhibited by males and females. If you look at the selection stats for men, you'll see they swipe right for about 80% of women. If you look at the selection stats for women, you'll see they swipe right for about 0.5% of men.

I've no idea why this is the case, but the results have held out over a number releases both private and public.

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