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I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

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Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#201

Post by hugozap »

Draiken wrote: post #192
GuardianCaveman wrote: post #176

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What the point? Exceed your potential. Set goals like becoming rich, climb a mountain, start your company, fail many times if it takes it. Take 6 months off for around the world travel. You said you dont have the drive as before. That’s your choice. Drive is something we can choose and cultivate. If you’re happy the way you are then that’s one thing but I for one am not going to lean on my insignificance when compare…

Genuine question: how do you find these goals in the first place? Do you just randomly put them out there and work for it so you can tick that checkbox? Take for example starting a company. I had that goal before and today I know that'd take an enormous amount of effort and would take me away from my family and the few hobbies I have. All that doesn't guarantee I can make it, since the majority of companies fail and…

I think it happens organically, you start increasing your sphere of influence in some area and with some audience and gradually those goals kind of emerge as natural steps.

Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#202

Post by wwn_se »

AnonCoward4 wrote: post #185
GuardianCaveman wrote: post #176

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What the point? Exceed your potential. Set goals like becoming rich, climb a mountain, start your company, fail many times if it takes it. Take 6 months off for around the world travel. You said you dont have the drive as before. That’s your choice. Drive is something we can choose and cultivate. If you’re happy the way you are then that’s one thing but I for one am not going to lean on my insignificance when compare…

> Drive is something we can choose and cultivate. That sounds like hybris. I am not disagreeing that you can alter it to a degree, but it is certainly not something you choose. Just think about how you feel when you are ill and now think of people with allergies for example, that can always feel ill depending on circumstances. These limits exist always and they are different from person to person and these limits are…

Of course you can be more driven (there is of course a limit but most are far from it). I have done it I used to be content with where I was in life. Made decent money, family, friends and hobbies.

But I decided that I wanted more so I let my hobbies grow a bit and changed employer. Sure I'm not a million miles from where i was but I'm not in the same place.

Once I took the first steps the next got easier and I started to look for more opportunities. Find your first step, it should be small but in the right direction. Ask to take lead on something at work or push yourself in your hobby.

What I think everyone with kids should have as one of their goals is to get them one step up the ladder. Give them a slightly better chance than you had. Most successful people have successful parents, very few start from zero. My parents were middle class but I'm upper middle class.

Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#203

Post by gilbetron »

kuntau wrote: post #174
Draiken wrote: post #157

Earlier quoted context omitted.

(GP) I actually have a 21 year old. When I married he was 7, so I probably lost the craziness of the early years. However I raised him as my son the best way I could. I don't particularly like the idea of having more kids though. Put them on this world? Ugh... I know, I'm a bit too pessimistic

Quoted post unavailable.

Religion is just fiction to make you feel better. Which does have a point, but once you see it for what it is, it is hard to go back to it.

The community is kind of what I miss a bit about it, and that community makes a bit more sense now that I'm middle aged. But I don't know if the rest of the crap that comes with it is worth it for the community that you can achieve with it.

Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#204

Post by jkhdigital »

biren34 wrote: post #148
xwdv wrote: post #145

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Having kids is the last straw that breaks your dreams. By that point you’ve committed to the parent lifestyle and your life as it has been is over. You now spend the rest of your days providing for your family and viewing everything through the lens of a parent.

This doesn't have to be true, though it is for many. If you can find a version of your dreams that pays the rent and puts food on the table, you can still chase them. Your financial metabolism does go up though, and the total universe of options shrinks. Ramen profitable doesn't mean actual ramen when you've got a spouse and kids. I found that I've gotten much further in pursuing my dreams after having kids than befo…

> I feel a lot of the skills I had to learn to be the kind of parent I wanted to be translated almost 1 for 1 to improving my business outcomes.

This 1000%. I would say the same applies to learning how to be the spouse I wanted to be.

Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#205

Post by erwincoumans »

goatherders wrote: post #162
mjg59 wrote: post #106

Growing up, the idea of a career in computing was implausible. The only computing course my school offered was scheduled against doing a full science course, and they had nothing for the 16-18 range. The local night school programming class I signed up for was cancelled because I was the only person who signed up for it. My parents made it extremely clear that the idea that I could ever make money writing software wa…

I recognize that this is largely a tech forum, but I find it interesting that you choose being a founder or CEO of Google as your benchmarks as opposed to walking on the moon, curing cancer, or something else. Not a critique, just an observation.

Walking on the moon (or Mars) likely gets boring very soon.

The experiences as a CEO of a large company seem much more interesting, and you get to hire a team of experts working on those cures (or whatever floats your Boaty McBoatface).

Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#206

Post by bitexploder »

Draiken wrote: post #163
randomsearch wrote: post #146

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> What's the point of it? Live for others. You (and I) are incredibly fortunate. We have our basic needs taken care of. We have more than that. There are many, many, people in the world who have problems that you can help solve. That could be - spending time with a lonely elderly person, volunteering with the homeless, building a website for a charity that can't afford to pay for a great one, building a startup that…

It's noble, but for me it's once again... pointless. I don't have the money or power to enact any meaningful change. I can give my time or some money to others, but I'm not really fixing anything. I'm just drying ice. Maybe I'm not selfless enough? I've never tried anything like that, so that's at least something new. Might give it a try

Existential crisis with a dash of nihilism. I see you have already gained a number suggestions. It ends up being pretty simple for me when I feel this setting in. Focus on what I enjoy and cultivate deep hobbies. Gain new skills. Turn off the content consumption in your life unless it is making you a better person. Stay curious toward the endless wonder that exists on this planet. You can’t fix the world or other people.

I did sell a company and make a lot of money. Does not change much. Did not make me feel successful or somehow complete as a human being.

HN is a poor substitute for seeing a therapist. You are not alone and millions of people feel the way you do from time to time. If this problem feels “bigger” than you, find someone to talk to about it.

Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#207

Post by k__ »

JKCalhoun wrote: post #164
k__ wrote: post #51

I can relate a bit. I'm 36 and often ask myself, what did I do? My parents had kids with 20. My father and grandfather were managers with 25. I met a bunch of people who founded a company before they were 20. Friends of mine traveled from Europe to East Asia as hitchhikers in their 20s. Many of my fellow students work for FAANG. Two are CTOs at middle sized companies and one is even a professor at university. In cont…

Let's talk about your other friends from high school though.

Yes, most of my high school friends have basic 9-5 jobs and even many of my fellow students dropped out without any degree.

Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#208

Post by matthewdgreen »

Draiken wrote: post #135

This is always a tough subject for me because everyone seems to have at least an idea of what they want to achieve. When I was younger I had these silly dreams of moving to another country, getting married, becoming a programmer to make games, have my own company and get rich (haha). I did become a programmer and got married, but never left the country or became rich. Now on my 30s I know how limited my options are.…

This happens to everyone in their 30s. You realize that "dying someday" -- which seemed like a big distant hypothetical when you were a kid -- is actually a thing that will happen on a timescale you can reason about. Your career gets hard and you don't really know the point of it. It takes a while to get over it.

Then you hit your 40s and you realize that since you're going to die anyway, why waste the time and die bored and mediocre? So you start appreciating things and choosing to do stuff that interests you, whatever that is.

YMMV obviously and N=1. But unless you have a terminal disease "I've hit 30 and my life is basically over" is just BS you're telling yourself.

Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#209

Post by slothtrop »

Draiken wrote: post #135

This is always a tough subject for me because everyone seems to have at least an idea of what they want to achieve. When I was younger I had these silly dreams of moving to another country, getting married, becoming a programmer to make games, have my own company and get rich (haha). I did become a programmer and got married, but never left the country or became rich. Now on my 30s I know how limited my options are.…

This reminds me of a recent book by a blogger-psychiatrist who suggests "you don't really have desires", that is, he argues that we live in a pornographic society because we trade agency for knowledge, that we can only act on desire by pretending we have no choice. Or something. It's more convoluted than I'd agree with but there's something there.

Personally I think desire can be distilled down to basic things, and we just devise abstractions to satisfy them. If it's no longer clear how x or y would bring any satisfaction, then you won't long for it. Or some other desire is in conflict and you need to resolve it. I think we also become more risk-averse when times are generally good/stable, and excuses are a good defense mechanism.

Given the implied restlessness of your question, maybe you need to mull further on what it is you think is lacking. You mentioned career: maybe money isn't the deciding factor as to whether you should advance. You mentioned hobbies: sinking hundreds of hours by habitually sticking to them is what makes something a hobby, so do you like them or not? You mentioned starting a company: what is alluring about this? What does it satisfy?

Maybe it's easier to answer: do you feel stagnant and bored?

Re: I thought I’d have accomplished a lot more today and also before I was 35 (2020)

#210

Post by zivkovicp »

alexonaci wrote: post #141
Draiken wrote: post #135

This is always a tough subject for me because everyone seems to have at least an idea of what they want to achieve. When I was younger I had these silly dreams of moving to another country, getting married, becoming a programmer to make games, have my own company and get rich (haha). I did become a programmer and got married, but never left the country or became rich. Now on my 30s I know how limited my options are.…

Agree, and this is definetly not a popular opinion nowadays. But you could try having kids. You’ll find the meaning like a fire under the arse

This.

Sometimes it's tough, but it's always rewarding.

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