201–210 of 241 posts
I'm sure the difference not physiological. Perhaps anxiety is just rolled under the more general heading of depression?
This one hits home. I have been arguing with my wife over stupid things that have been triggering my anger. Two weeks ago I ended up in the emergency room with a heart rate of 220. Got diagnosed with Supraventricular Tachycardia. I have continued having episodes and it is obvious to me that the trigger is anxiety. I worry a lot about too many things. Always thinking of worst case scenario. I have a cardiology appoint…
Earlier quoted context omitted.
That just sounds like misandry. Society has an attitude problem with women in some respects too, but people just call it misogyny, not "toxic femininity" or whatever. Being consistent with terminology is sadly underrated.
Toxic femininity is actually a utilized term in the same spheres as toxic masculinity was coined (ie. Academia). Toxic masculinity is not against men but against a false societal pressure that men cannot show weakness, are justified in expressing their anger with violence, and that showing aggressive behavior instead of genuinely healthy human bonding is an acceptable and many substitute. It forces pressure on men to…
I believe this is a well-intended-but-misguided idea. Societal pressure for some trait can exist even when the trait is inherent. ie, there is societal pressure for friendship, fairness, and altruism. At least constrained to an in-group, (or previously, a kin-group) these traits are inherent human traits: they're not constructed by society. These inherent traits are enforced by society: we build rules, norms, and expectations around them, and we find ways to punish people who don't don't sufficiently uphold these values. By this definition there are societal constructs around altruism (eg, by what specific mechanisms is it upheld and expressed) which will vary by society, but the trait itself is near universal. I believe the same is true for male vulnerability: it's a universal trait, but because some people have managed to note and describe the local, societal mechanisms for expression of this trait, they have falsely concluded that the trait in its entirety is a social construction.
If you're a 12 year old boy, and you skin your knee and cry like a child, the adults around you (men and women) will look at you with disgust. Society didn't teach them this: it's as automatic as scrunching your face when you see dog feces on the ground. It's inherently disgusting. People are not generally built to respect or like weak men. Teaching young men to be vulnerable and emotional sets them up for failure, and weakens their position.
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I don't think this conversation can proceed because I don't consider anyone who actively posts on HN as average.
You should be able to point to a group you do consider average and demonstrate some evidence for your assertion that way.
I'm guessing you'd find a significant discrepancy in the direction of "toxic for thee but not for me"
Earlier quoted context omitted.
Do you think that society is more out of balance now than it was 30, 50, 70, or 100 years ago? If so, I’ll be glib and say you haven’t paid enough attention to history :-) To pick a random anecdote, in the past senators have been physically attacked and maimed by their colleagues on the senate floor , i.e. while at work. Campaigns were dirtier than they are now. Politicians would accuse each other of being murderers…
Standards are higher now. We're more aware of more potential emotional triggers. I've observed that with the Internet increasing our potential access to information by > 1000x, the adaptive emotional response to any given piece of information needs to be toned down by a factor of 1000x to maintain emotional stability. Wouldn't make me very popular at parties to say that the proper emotional response to kids getting m…
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mass_shootings_in_the_United...
Earlier quoted context omitted.
Toxic femininity is actually a utilized term in the same spheres as toxic masculinity was coined (ie. Academia). Toxic masculinity is not against men but against a false societal pressure that men cannot show weakness, are justified in expressing their anger with violence, and that showing aggressive behavior instead of genuinely healthy human bonding is an acceptable and many substitute. It forces pressure on men to…
>false societal pressure that men cannot show weakness I believe this is a well-intended-but-misguided idea. Societal pressure for some trait can exist even when the trait is inherent. ie, there is societal pressure for friendship, fairness, and altruism. At least constrained to an in-group, (or previously, a kin-group) these traits are inherent human traits: they're not constructed by society. These inherent traits…
"Teaching young men to be vulnerable and emotional sets them up for failure, and weakens their position."
No, this is not what is being argued. What is being argued is that men are already vulnerable and emotional and then repressing this causes psychological damage, and teaching men to repress this also causes them psychological damage.
This one hits home. I have been arguing with my wife over stupid things that have been triggering my anger. Two weeks ago I ended up in the emergency room with a heart rate of 220. Got diagnosed with Supraventricular Tachycardia. I have continued having episodes and it is obvious to me that the trigger is anxiety. I worry a lot about too many things. Always thinking of worst case scenario. I have a cardiology appoint…
When you start seeing reality that way, it becomes easier to detach emotionally from everything. It's not that you don't care, you obviously can. But the physiological stress responses like the one your describing can be neutralized by training the response system.
If you have watched talks by Buddhist monks[1] they have described people who suffer from horrible neurological disorders that cause them feeling of pain almost like a chainsaw and the emotional response from that. But through meditation and other practices their heart rate and brain responses can be calmer than the average person.
This is by no means easy it takes years of dedication of aligning your physiological systems with the mental one. But at the end of the day everything is just more or less chemicals and electrical impulses to various parts of the body. Knowing that is the ultimate freedom from that. There are usually lots of factors involve whether its fear, anxiety and the whole spectrum of "darkness" needs to be addressed at a deeper level.
This one hits home. I have been arguing with my wife over stupid things that have been triggering my anger. Two weeks ago I ended up in the emergency room with a heart rate of 220. Got diagnosed with Supraventricular Tachycardia. I have continued having episodes and it is obvious to me that the trigger is anxiety. I worry a lot about too many things. Always thinking of worst case scenario. I have a cardiology appoint…
Hang in there, the suffering does have a good end.
This is a great article. For years I didn't know how to handle anxiety so I handled it "like a man" which lead to a pretty decent drinking habit. Now that I've stopped drinking and being open about what's going on with me, my anxiety looks like traditional anxiety which was easy for my gp to help diagnose. Taking the leap to be open and get help was the best thing to happen to me in years.
It's not the same as misandry. "Homophobia" sounds like it means "afraid of homosexuals" but that is incorrect. "Toxic masculinity" kind of sounds like it means "all masculinity is toxic" but that is incorrect.
I am female, have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression, have been to therapy, and am interested in gender theory. These comments read like unguided group therapy mixed with fuzzy realization of the concept of toxic masculinity.
