Earlier quoted context omitted.
Money buys freedom from wage slavery.
There was a cool article I saw quite a while ago where a father of 2 and sole provider for his family found that it was next to impossible to survive comfortably in London on half a million GBP per year. He went through all the numbers and showed how it just couldn't be done. Of course he was making 10x what would be considered a good wage in London. It wasn't his salary, it was his minimum standard that was out of w…
Ask HN: How do you deal with professional envy?
201–210 of 292 posts
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional envy?
#202Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional envy?
#203Earlier quoted context omitted.
> That's not cognitive dissonance. That's learning and growing. This is committing the straw-man fallacy. The poster that this is responding to did not elaborate on what cognitive-dissonance they are referring to. In this case "learning and growing" is an optimistic, ego-stroking spin on "admitting defeat". I believe that AndrewKemendo has chosen his words carefully because being able to lose and fail graciously is m…
But "lose" and "fail," as well as "win," are subjective. What counted as "losing" when you started may become "winning" by the time 5 years have passed, due to the change in perspective.
As a kid I wanted to make video games and (like many) this lead me to pursue software development as a career.
By the time I made it through college in the 90s I'd learned more and more about the games industry and learned that it's generally not a very happy place to work. Certainly not a place for me. So I chose a different path.
With several decades of following the game industry under my belt I feel I can very, very conclusively decide that this was the right call for me. Look at all the articles about game devs working insane crunch time and then being laid off as soon as the game ships, etc. I'm sure some enjoy it but it's very close to my idea of hell.
Simply avoiding that fate is something I count as a minor victory, and I've gone on to do other things.
It's madness for the parent poster to dismiss this sort of thing as either "failure" or "cognitive dissonance." I simply decided my original goal was not worth pursuing.
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional envy?
#204I've yet to meet someone I would trade places with. If they're smarter than me, maybe they make less money. If they're richer than me, and smarter, maybe I don't care for their spouse. Or they're in bad physical shape, or they're neurotic and difficult to be around. If all else fails, you can consider how many people have it worse than you, and how, even if you had it worse, it would still be ok. Until a man is twent…
aka 'sour grapes'
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional envy?
#205Earlier quoted context omitted.
But "lose" and "fail," as well as "win," are subjective. What counted as "losing" when you started may become "winning" by the time 5 years have passed, due to the change in perspective.
Absolutely. As a kid I wanted to make video games and (like many) this lead me to pursue software development as a career. By the time I made it through college in the 90s I'd learned more and more about the games industry and learned that it's generally not a very happy place to work. Certainly not a place for me. So I chose a different path. With several decades of following the game industry under my belt I feel I…
I guess you have chosen a path that is not mentioned, "give up and try something new, but then pretend that isn't what you did"? "I don't call it giving up... I call it learning."
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional envy?
#206An emotion will generally be part of a chain of emotions and beliefs. Here's how this example of envy could work out for me:
- At the top we might feel angry.
- One level below that we realize we feel angry because we feel envious of someone
- Below that we may realize that we feel envy because we feel insecure
- We feel insecure because we fear not being good enough
- We fear not being good enough because somewhere in our past we internalized the lesson that unless we're good enough, we may not receive attention / affection
- Not receiving attention / affection is connected to fear, because as a child, in our evolutionary past, not being protected by our caretakers could result in our death
Ultimately, the envy is connected to a fear of not being loved and a fear of death. And many other things are as well.
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional envy?
#207At the end of the day, it's just a fucking job. If you need the money I understand the envy, and I've been there. But ultimately most of us are working really hard to make other people rich. Being really good at that game (and it's a pretty bitter game) isn't something to be envious of. I have never seen a high paying job in tech that wasn't ALSO higher stress and generally more hours. I'm sure exceptions exist, but…
My question to people with this attitude is, what is the point of your life? I've lost a lot of friends and recognize that life is way too short to not be putting as much time as possible toward something you find totally compelling. The stock answer is contentment and "happiness." The most content person I've ever met was a flower cart man in Belmopan, Belize. Probably made $100 a week at most. He knew all he wanted…
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional envy?
#208If try to think about the world as a growing pie versus a fixed pie. In a fixed pie world, everything is limited so there's only so much success, money, jobs and accalades to go around. So when someone else does well, it's natural to be jealous because they are taking part of the pie that could have been yours and now there is less out there to fight over. It's scarcity mentality and most people thing this way.
If one thinks about the world as a a growing pie, it means that there is plenty to go around and it's possible to work closely with those who are successful to create a bigger pie i.e. there is no longer need to compete but to collaborate. This builds better relationships and generally a more positive, healthy attitude internally as well as lower stress levels. This is what is known as abundance mentality.
I do not know whether this stuff is scientifically proven but from what I understand, this trait is far more prevelant in self-made millionaires. Having made a move in a similar direction, I can report feeling better about myself and having a better attitude.
Further to this, the book also suggests focusing on what you can control and what you can do. So in this case, worrying about others success is a waste of resources.
I found it helpful to spend less time on social media and Linkedin. This helped me to reduce my jealously.
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional envy?
#209Earlier quoted context omitted.
My question to people with this attitude is, what is the point of your life? I've lost a lot of friends and recognize that life is way too short to not be putting as much time as possible toward something you find totally compelling. The stock answer is contentment and "happiness." The most content person I've ever met was a flower cart man in Belmopan, Belize. Probably made $100 a week at most. He knew all he wanted…
Life doesn't have a point though, today maybe not even reproduction. We search for meaning ourselves and find it in different things.
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional envy?
#210Earlier quoted context omitted.
The last time I did that it ended in drama.
I'd buy that book. Seriously, please elaborate. Would love to read the story!