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Evidence of Advantages for Children of Working Mothers

nytimes.com

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Re: Evidence of Advantages for Children of Working Mothers

#21

Post by Spearchucker »

300bps wrote: post #11
rayiner wrote: post #4

I never understood the idea that having mom (or dad) at home is the best thing for kids. When our daughter is at daycare, she's in a very stimulating environment staffed by energetic 22-year olds on 6 hour shifts. When she's at home with me my instinct is to bribe her with some ice cream and park her in front of her iPad. My wife has slightly more desire to engage with the kid, but no more energy for it--she's pretty…

I have three children aged 10, 9 and 6. I work and my wife stays home with the kids. I don't pretend to know what is right for everyone and their kids but I found your comment oddly disturbing. When I'm home with my three kids, my instinct is to think of the skills that will aid them later in life and work on that through various levels of play. Often that's sports - practicing basketball, baseball or whatever sport…

"...working with them on crawling, walking, talking and...

This amuses me. With things like that (crawling/walking/talking) I let my kid find his own way, in his own time. I have no intention of helping him with anything like it, or from school, ever - unless he asks.

What I do do with my son is play. Building radio control cars. Jumping on car hoods/bonnets in a scrapyard. Lego. Jumping in puddles. Flying kites. Making fires. Going on the odd helicopter ride. Concerts...

He will spend such a silly amount of his life being a student that my mission is for him to just be a boy. Without the spectre of under- or over-achievement. No judgement, regardless of his performance. Because no matter what, he is, and will always be, enough.

Re: Evidence of Advantages for Children of Working Mothers

#22

Post by roel_v »

rayiner wrote: post #4

I never understood the idea that having mom (or dad) at home is the best thing for kids. When our daughter is at daycare, she's in a very stimulating environment staffed by energetic 22-year olds on 6 hour shifts. When she's at home with me my instinct is to bribe her with some ice cream and park her in front of her iPad. My wife has slightly more desire to engage with the kid, but no more energy for it--she's pretty…

I agree with you, and my children do many things at day care we'd not think about (or not have time to, or not feel like) doing with them at home. But there are (or rather, 'used to be', as in most places in the West the law doesn't allow it any more - I don't know about other places) also many 'child care' facilities where 2 overworked staffers on full-day shifts spend their day running around spoon feeding and changing 20 children ranging in age from 3 months to 4 years in too-small, damp and cold (or hot, depending on climate) buildings, with the 'playground' consisting of concrete, a few half-broken plastic bikes and a swing. The devil is in the details.

Re: Evidence of Advantages for Children of Working Mothers

#23

Post by facepalm »

It just says daughters of working mothers are more likely to become working mothers themselves. They consider working moms to be a good thing, and prove it by showing that working moms have working daughters, which is in their opinion a good thing.

A bit circular. I am not against working mothers, just saying one should be clear about one's judgement. For me it is not a given that working is a good thing. At least not in general (not for any kind of work).

Re: Evidence of Advantages for Children of Working Mothers

#24

Post by palmer_eldritch »

danieltillett wrote: post #16
eru wrote: post #13

Earlier quoted context omitted.

rayiner might not be in a country that pays minimum wage for daycare. (Some countries don't even have a minimum wage, and some even pay their daycarers decent money.)

This is possible, but even taking out the near minimum wage clause I am still surprised that rainier thinks that a 22 year old paid to look after his daughter cares more about her than him and his wife.

Probably because neither him nor his wife is getting paid to do it...

Re: Evidence of Advantages for Children of Working Mothers

#25

Post by kubiiii »

danieltillett wrote: post #10
rayiner wrote: post #4

I never understood the idea that having mom (or dad) at home is the best thing for kids. When our daughter is at daycare, she's in a very stimulating environment staffed by energetic 22-year olds on 6 hour shifts. When she's at home with me my instinct is to bribe her with some ice cream and park her in front of her iPad. My wife has slightly more desire to engage with the kid, but no more energy for it--she's pretty…

I am curious why you think a 22 year old on near minimum wage cares more about engaging with your daughter than you and your wife?

The average nurse cares more than her wage pays for. I guess it's the same with the average daycare worker. At least it's my own experience (against all odds daycare workers have pretty low wages here in France)

Re: Evidence of Advantages for Children of Working Mothers

#26

Post by dhimes »

danieltillett wrote: post #16
eru wrote: post #13

Earlier quoted context omitted.

rayiner might not be in a country that pays minimum wage for daycare. (Some countries don't even have a minimum wage, and some even pay their daycarers decent money.)

This is possible, but even taking out the near minimum wage clause I am still surprised that rainier thinks that a 22 year old paid to look after his daughter cares more about her than him and his wife.

That's not what he said.

Re: Evidence of Advantages for Children of Working Mothers

#27

Post by Shivetya »

perhaps some are spending more quality time with their kids because the are not home and feel more obligated to do so. throw in the idea that children learn from the actions of their parent and so success is more likely from seeing parents already in the workplace the outcome becomes expected

Re: Evidence of Advantages for Children of Working Mothers

#28

Post by facepalm »

harryh wrote: post #18
droopybuns wrote: post #17

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Differing parental styles will have different outcomes. It's part of what makes these studies so useless.

Or maybe not: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Nurture_Assumption

Of course peer groups matter a lot. That's why concerned parents try to stir their kids into the right peer groups.

Re: Evidence of Advantages for Children of Working Mothers

#29

Post by 300bps »

Spearchucker wrote: post #21
300bps wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I have three children aged 10, 9 and 6. I work and my wife stays home with the kids. I don't pretend to know what is right for everyone and their kids but I found your comment oddly disturbing. When I'm home with my three kids, my instinct is to think of the skills that will aid them later in life and work on that through various levels of play. Often that's sports - practicing basketball, baseball or whatever sport…

" ...working with them on crawling, walking, talking and... This amuses me. With things like that (crawling/walking/talking) I let my kid find his own way, in his own time. I have no intention of helping him with anything like it, or from school, ever - unless he asks . What I do do with my son is play. Building radio control cars. Jumping on car hoods/bonnets in a scrapyard. Lego. Jumping in puddles. Flying kites. M…

We basically said the same thing but you seem to be focused on my statements regarding helping them with academics. I wonder though - when your son says, "I catched the ball" do you purposely not correct him because that's the school's job?

Everything you listed under your play I've done with my three kids with the exception of jumping on hoods in a scrapyard. I could add endlessly to the list including stop motion animation, working with electronic circuits, learning to dive, etc, etc.

I think essentially we agree; the time a child spends with his parents should be the best time for both the child and the parents.

Re: Evidence of Advantages for Children of Working Mothers

#30

Post by posnet »

For basically the entirety of my childhood. Both my parents were working. I can honestly say I am a better person for it. And not just because of the material benefits it afforded me (better education, got to travel a lot).

Through out my childhood both parents had jobs with varying amounts of time requirements, with both having periods of stay a home spouse (I believe my father found this particularly eye opening) and both periods of 9-7 working time.

They always took the time to explain to me and my sister about why they were doing the things they were and ensuring that we were comfortable with their decisions. Now it may be that it was this honesty that had the greatest benefit. However I do think I have a much greater appreciation for the importance of a purposeful work life balance.

Mind you, not necessarily a highly even balance, just ensure that if you are working 50 hours a week, there should be a goal in mind. In fact every decision about lifestyle should be carefully thought about.

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