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Start doing more things alone

washingtonpost.com

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Re: Start doing more things alone

#21

Post by onion2k »

dpatrick86 wrote: post #18

The beginning of an article showcases a photo of a man eating by himself and is captioned: "Not as sad as it looks." Well, wapo, that depends. If the other two extra plates of food next to him are for imaginary friends it puts a totally different twist on things that might be sad after all.

There's a thing called the Principle of Charity. Basically, if there's two ways to read something, try using the more charitable way, the way that's kinder and nicer, the way that doesn't assume the author is a moron. You'll find things are a lot simpler and less confrontational that way.

Re: Start doing more things alone

#22

Post by saidajigumi »

alashley wrote: post #17

I get the premise of the article, but not sure I entirely agree. A week or so ago I went to a live music show at a pub, I got up for a minute to go to the washroom, and when I came back someone was taking my chair from the table. Not such a good feeling. Stuff like this happens sometimes when people go to restaurants alone, I guess. Maybe the important thing is to do things alone if necessary, but try to form connect…

I suppose, like so many things in life, dosage and quality matter in our social interactions. Having trouble forming connections with people, or having had key connections broken in a short time, can result in significant hardships. On the other hand, I've known far too many people over my life who suffered to varying degrees almost directly as a result of being unable to be outside of a "relationship" for any period of time. For many of them, I suspect that even one good episode of learning that it's OK to be on their own would have been life changing.

Re: Start doing more things alone

#23

Post by greggyb »

I'm a big fan of solo bar meals. Anecdotally and informally, I'd say at least 1/3 of the time a stranger or group will initiate conversation with me. Overall it turns into an active social occasion for me >50% of the time.

Even without active social interaction, I find people watching to be very enjoyable anyway.

Re: Start doing more things alone

#24

Post by joeyspn »

> But other people, as it turns out, actually aren't thinking about us quite as judgmentally or intensely as we tend to anticipate. Not nearly, in fact.

^This... I'm European and when I've visited USA / Silicon Valley (w/o knowing many people there) I have gone alone to hackathons, clubs, meetups, conferences, and many other places... and I've enjoyed it even more than other times I've gone out with friends. Doing things alone is powerful specially for making new connections, if you have the right mindset, even when you're in a foreign country.

Recommended vid: "Going Out Solo: How to hit the clubs alone and still have fun"

Description: Going out solo isn't something to be ashamed of or even afraid of. Sometimes your friends aren't willing but if you're on a mission to better yourself socially you wouldn't allow that to be an excuse. If you need a little encouragement on where to start I have some pointers for you

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ftq0bzu2D1Q

Re: Start doing more things alone

#25

Post by discreteevent »

pcurve wrote: post #12
98Windows wrote: post #7

The downside is you have no one to recount the experience with later on, you might tell people about it but no one will ever understand what it was like unless they were there with you.

This is true... but you do end up making different kinds of memory on your solo trip. It may not be with your loved ones, but it may be with type of strangers that you may not have met. I went on a solo trip to Japan couple of years ago. Even though I had planned out the trip tightly, I ended up veering off course. For example, I was just strolling aroud one day, and saw a fellow solo tourist hop into a bike rental s…

Dervla Murphy (Irish solo travel writer, in her eighties now) has often expounded the value of travelling alone. Basically she says that if you travel with others it's a safe cocoon. But if you travel alone you end up observing much more and interacting much more with the culture and people you visit.

Re: Start doing more things alone

#27

Post by dpatrick86 »

onion2k wrote: post #21
dpatrick86 wrote: post #18

The beginning of an article showcases a photo of a man eating by himself and is captioned: "Not as sad as it looks." Well, wapo, that depends. If the other two extra plates of food next to him are for imaginary friends it puts a totally different twist on things that might be sad after all.

There's a thing called the Principle of Charity. Basically, if there's two ways to read something, try using the more charitable way, the way that's kinder and nicer, the way that doesn't assume the author is a moron. You'll find things are a lot simpler and less confrontational that way.

Consider me admonished!

I enjoyed the article and wouldn't want author to think I found fault with it. Maybe author would be amused that someone noticed the extra food at the table, and, in fact, intended it as an easter egg?

Re: Start doing more things alone

#28

Post by fredsted »

alashley wrote: post #17

I get the premise of the article, but not sure I entirely agree. A week or so ago I went to a live music show at a pub, I got up for a minute to go to the washroom, and when I came back someone was taking my chair from the table. Not such a good feeling. Stuff like this happens sometimes when people go to restaurants alone, I guess. Maybe the important thing is to do things alone if necessary, but try to form connect…

Leave your jacket :-)

Re: Start doing more things alone

#29

Post by startupfounder »

I would extend this and say start doing more things alone without technology.

It's about building trust with yourself, believing in you to be able to not only survive any situation, but to thrive.

We use people and technology as a social crutch and it limits our understanding of ourselves.

I hitchhiked throughout New Zealand by myself when I was 18 for 6 months and although it was a little uncomfortable and even scary at first I learned to trust myself and I built a huge amount of confidence that I still carry with me today.

Put yourself in situation where you have to trust strangers and in those authentic interactions you will see that humans around the world are really beautiful and loving and learn that it applied to yourself too.

My recommendation even for a weekend is to pack a small carry on size backpack with no electronics (phone, laptop, etc.) and go somewhere that you have never been in a way that you have never traveled. Hitchhike to Yosemite and find a place to camp and a fire to share.

Re: Start doing more things alone

#30

Post by Estragon »

joeyspn wrote: post #24

> But other people, as it turns out, actually aren't thinking about us quite as judgmentally or intensely as we tend to anticipate. Not nearly, in fact. ^This... I'm European and when I've visited USA / Silicon Valley (w/o knowing many people there) I have gone alone to hackathons, clubs, meetups, conferences, and many other places... and I've enjoyed it even more than other times I've gone out with friends. Doing th…

  > Recommended vid: "Going Out Solo: How to hit the clubs alone and still have fun"
Any timestamps you recommend? The first few minutes are narcissistic garbage.
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