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Being alone

jessepollak.me

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Re: Being alone

#21

Post by sp332 »

jskopek wrote: post #11
tazjin wrote: post #6

Stopped reading after > Preface: As a white, heterosexual, cis, male, I’m granted, from birth, an extraordinary amount of privilege I wasn't actually aware people outside of the Tumblrverse said things like that. (Over on Reddit there is /r/TumblrInAction for things like this)

Do you disagree with the author? Depending on where you live, his point is very valid. As a resident of Canada, I feel that I live in a fairly progressive, culturally diverse society. Yet even here, I have heard friends of different ethnicities complain about racial issues. Not all racial or gender divisions are obvious; exclusion or denial of privilege is harder to spot.

There's a big difference in perspective between saying "the majority is privileged" and saying "the minority is disadvantaged". When the majority is heterosexual, white, and "cis-gendered", isn't that the baseline instead of privileged?

Re: Being alone

#22

Post by lemonberry »

rb2k_ wrote: post #2

I'll be moving from Germany to Boston in a month, one of the things that I'm looking forward to is the chance to enjoy this process of "being alone" and "Pushing back on discomfort". As much as I enjoy the company of my friends, having complete freedom and no accountability to anybody also has its advantages :) That being said, cities like SF/Boston/New York/... make it easy to keep "alone" from turning into "lonely"…

Do yourself a favor and visit Portsmouth, NH after you are acclimated to Boston or just need a reprieve from big city life. It's a smallish city with a great bar and restaurant scene. If you are into history there are also some wonderful opportunities to explore as well. Be warned, however, New Englander's can come off cold compared to people from other parts of the country. We make great friends but it takes awhile to get there.

Re: Being alone

#23

Post by Nilzor »

What does he mean with "When we’re alone, we’ve been conditioned by society to believe that we should stay alone."? I waiting for an explanation in the article but it never came

Re: Being alone

#24

Post by electronous »

tazjin wrote: post #6

Stopped reading after > Preface: As a white, heterosexual, cis, male, I’m granted, from birth, an extraordinary amount of privilege I wasn't actually aware people outside of the Tumblrverse said things like that. (Over on Reddit there is /r/TumblrInAction for things like this)

You're making HN awesome. Keep up the good work!

Re: Being alone

#25

Post by Stealth- »

jskopek wrote: post #11
tazjin wrote: post #6

Stopped reading after > Preface: As a white, heterosexual, cis, male, I’m granted, from birth, an extraordinary amount of privilege I wasn't actually aware people outside of the Tumblrverse said things like that. (Over on Reddit there is /r/TumblrInAction for things like this)

Do you disagree with the author? Depending on where you live, his point is very valid. As a resident of Canada, I feel that I live in a fairly progressive, culturally diverse society. Yet even here, I have heard friends of different ethnicities complain about racial issues. Not all racial or gender divisions are obvious; exclusion or denial of privilege is harder to spot.

As another resident of Canada, I have to completely disagree with you.

I have to pay $20,000 for my schooling. My first nations friends pay nothing, it's covered by tax payers. This includes numerous other benefits that I do not get. In Canada, unfortunately it can often seem like the minority have more privileges. That's not equality, to me.

Re: Being alone

#26

Post by jrs99 »

johnrob wrote: post #9

I've come to enjoy many aspects of going out in the world alone (most are simply the effect of removing the 'distraction' of company): - Much greater awareness of other people and surroundings. - Great opportunity to take stock of what is good/bad in your life (for some reason it's easier to do this outside the house). - Bursts of creativity (hint: this is a great way to fight writer's block). These are just the ones…

you could easily have known someone that left early.

Re: Being alone

#27

Post by dkokelley »

I have a technique for when I'm alone in a large social setting. Find other alone people. It's not hard to spot them if you're looking, and in most cases they will appreciate the friendliness.

This works especially well in a situation like a networking event or large party where it is unlikely that attendees will know everyone else.

Re: Being alone

#28

Post by Yhippa »

themoonbus wrote: post #8

This reads like a talk that someone would give at orientation in college... does the tech community in SF really need this much help socializing?

I am thinking the same things. At some point you have to make friends from scratch. They aren't just given to you.

As for the "doing things alone" I've noticed that people don't like doing that. Traveling, going to see a movie, or attending an event all seem to be things that have a stigma attached to doing them solo.

Re: Being alone

#29

Post by strathmeyer »

jskopek wrote: post #11
tazjin wrote: post #6

Stopped reading after > Preface: As a white, heterosexual, cis, male, I’m granted, from birth, an extraordinary amount of privilege I wasn't actually aware people outside of the Tumblrverse said things like that. (Over on Reddit there is /r/TumblrInAction for things like this)

Do you disagree with the author? Depending on where you live, his point is very valid. As a resident of Canada, I feel that I live in a fairly progressive, culturally diverse society. Yet even here, I have heard friends of different ethnicities complain about racial issues. Not all racial or gender divisions are obvious; exclusion or denial of privilege is harder to spot.

As a heterosexual white male it was very interesting to learn that all the thing I have been denied because of my race and gender should have been a privilege and that I have never actually been an outsider and have actually been the cause of everyone's loneliness instead of legitimately feeling it myself.

Re: Being alone

#30

Post by josefresco »

dkokelley wrote: post #27

I have a technique for when I'm alone in a large social setting. Find other alone people. It's not hard to spot them if you're looking, and in most cases they will appreciate the friendliness. This works especially well in a situation like a networking event or large party where it is unlikely that attendees will know everyone else.

"It's not hard to spot them if you're looking"

This scares the shit out of the socially awkward or those the article is referring to. When entering a situation where I know almost no one, I always try to comfort myself by repeating things like "not everyone is looking at you" and "you are just like everyone else here".

However often times I take your advice and seek out other seemingly alone people and you're right, they're usually easy to spot .. if you're looking.

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