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I love you, dad

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Re: I love you, dad

#21

Post by SquareWheel »

jiggy2011 wrote: post #14
kiskis wrote: post #12

What is interesting is that he did Ludum Dare competition just days after this. Maybe that was a good therapy for him as well, but in any case that's quite respectable to be able to focus after a tragedy like that.

Ludum dare doesn't start for another day or so. He said on twitter that he will not be doing this one due to scheduling conflicts or something.

ksikis is talking about the Ludum Dare that took place shortly after the events detailed above. If you go to the "About page" in Minicraft, his contest entry, you'll see the dedication to his dad.

Re: I love you, dad

#22

Post by Timothee »

jiggy2011 wrote: post #14
kiskis wrote: post #12

What is interesting is that he did Ludum Dare competition just days after this. Maybe that was a good therapy for him as well, but in any case that's quite respectable to be able to focus after a tragedy like that.

Ludum dare doesn't start for another day or so. He said on twitter that he will not be doing this one due to scheduling conflicts or something.

I kind of skipped that because the last paragraph took me by surprise, but he writes "his last thoughts [...] were one year ago".

Re: I love you, dad

#24

Post by riffraff »

jbail wrote: post #6

That gave me chills. I'm constantly impressed by people that have the ability to share their personal life with the world in an honest way that reveals the vulnerabilities we all share as humans. It is so much more refreshing than the opposite, where we pretend our lives are perfect and we never experience moments of doubt or melancholy. It is rare to see someone make a post like this. This is precisely what makes it…

I agree with being impressed, but I am not sure the opposite of being able to share is pretending we are perfect. Maybe, it's just being unable to.

My dad passed away eleven months ago, no day goes by without thinking of him, and I may be able to get to the end of this without crying, but I can't manage a blog post.

Re: I love you, dad

#26

Post by uxp »

dos1 wrote: post #17
redad wrote: post #2

My father has substance abuse problems too (alcohol dependency for 20 years) and it has destroyed his relationship with my siblings and my mother, he's going to lose what little he has left very soon and I genuinely fear he's going to do something very similar to what is mentioned here. I am the only child that will talk to him without contempt and I have long since left home. He lost his own father very recently and…

Disclaimer: This is my own personal experience and opinion. I've dealt with substance abuse issues for many years and I've known several people for whom substance abuse exacted the ultimate toll. The short of it: There are no reliable solutions. There are no good answers. People with depression and substance abuse issues don't think the way non abusers do. They know what they're doing is wrong and that it could lead…

This is actually really good information. Above all else, no one can "make it right" except for the person with the substance abuse problem.

I've spent years trying to put my alcoholic mother into this program or that group. I've even gone so far as to give myself depression issues over the situation. But, at the end of the day, she's the only that can decide to make the situation better and do something about it. Today, the only thing I can do is make my life better, even if it means cutting ties with her as she becomes more unresponsive. It's an absolutely brutal hurdle to get over, but it's the absolute truth.

Re: I love you, dad

#27

Post by king_jester »

speeder wrote: post #7

I am very happy that my parents are married to each other, and my alive grandparents too, and that they don't have issues like this (what my father "abuse" is coca-cola, he rarely drinks, and noone smokes). And I am very sad to see that all other families are crumbling. I am seeking a girlfriend that wants to be a mother, and I am not finding, most of them are self-centered, and come from divorced families, the only…

If you want to have kids and want a partner that is into that, that's fine. However, being self-centered and wanting to be a parent aren't mutually exclusive, as I have met adults whose parents were/are extremely self-centered and that factored in heavily into the abusive situations those adults lived in when they were children.

> And I am very sad to see that all other families are crumbling.

I'm not really sure what you are talking about, families have always had issues with abuse, divorce, etc., that is nothing new (even if people may have hidden those things more often in the past, but that really depends on when and where you grew up).

Re: I love you, dad

#28

Post by killnine »

speeder wrote: post #7

I am very happy that my parents are married to each other, and my alive grandparents too, and that they don't have issues like this (what my father "abuse" is coca-cola, he rarely drinks, and noone smokes). And I am very sad to see that all other families are crumbling. I am seeking a girlfriend that wants to be a mother, and I am not finding, most of them are self-centered, and come from divorced families, the only…

It saddens me that this premise seems more and more to be true.

I find you to be correct in your requirements for what you are seeking, except the difference to me is the majority want to be mother's, but of those, the quantity which possess the values of a whole family are incredibly sparse.

I wonder how much of it has to do with what country you grew up in, and wonder why it seems to me that individuals raised by parents which did not grow up in my country posses much stronger values than those that did grow up here.

I blame it on Jared

Re: I love you, dad

#29

Post by mnicole »

thom wrote: post #19
mnicole wrote: post #13

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Coming from a broken home impacts everyone differently, and particularly when you end up raising yourself (and your siblings). The idea that someone doesn't want to be a mother because they're self-centered is very far from the truth. They are more likely to be aware of their vulnerabilities and the fear that they will end up like their parents. Worse, they may have long-term damage (or mental health issues that plag…

It's also possible that they don't want kids.

Anyone can choose not to have kids for whatever reason they please (and it's never selfish to do so), I was just trying to explain why this may be the case for the segment of people he was referring to.

Re: I love you, dad

#30

Post by illuminate »

alexakarpov wrote: post #5
redad wrote: post #2

My father has substance abuse problems too (alcohol dependency for 20 years) and it has destroyed his relationship with my siblings and my mother, he's going to lose what little he has left very soon and I genuinely fear he's going to do something very similar to what is mentioned here. I am the only child that will talk to him without contempt and I have long since left home. He lost his own father very recently and…

Short answer is - you don't, really. There's very little one can do to help a grown-up person with a history of substance abuse. Unless you believe in God: but the efficacy of that approach is, clearly, impossible to scientifically verify.

"Unless you believe in God"

If only the belief in God sincerely caused a difference in substance abuse, I'd be endorsing religiosity for its own sake!

Of course, I'm sure you're referencing the will of God, but considering how many sincere faithful have their struggles with physical addiction, the belief alone is not enough :(

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