Don’t poop with the bathroom door open.
What? Who does this? Why would this ever be ok?
How I Blew My Marriage
21–30 of 39 posts
Re: How I Blew My Marriage
#22Never argue in front of the kids You know, I have some experience with this. I had a friend in college that had parents that never once argued in front of him. Not once. This guy was completely unable to resolve any conflicts. You know what? People learn conflict resolution by watching others, and that goes for kids. To give more details about my friend, he was a really nice guy, but he avoided confrontation like the…
> People learn conflict resolution by watching others, and that goes for kids. As someone that grew up watching my parents fight constantly in front of me, I still react to confrontation the same way as your friend. Their fighting frightened me because he was physical, so when I get into [really] overheated situations, I shut down instead because that seems safer to me than risking pressing forward. In situations whe…
> Their fighting frightened me because he was physical
Arguing and abuse are two separate things. Watching my parents fight, often over incredibly stupid things using irrational tactics, taught me worlds about the values of patience, understanding, and rationality.
Re: How I Blew My Marriage
#23Don’t poop with the bathroom door open. What? Who does this? Why would this ever be ok?
My SO and I do this. What's wrong with pooping with the door open? We all poop. It's not that big a deal.
Re: How I Blew My Marriage
#24Never argue in front of the kids You know, I have some experience with this. I had a friend in college that had parents that never once argued in front of him. Not once. This guy was completely unable to resolve any conflicts. You know what? People learn conflict resolution by watching others, and that goes for kids. To give more details about my friend, he was a really nice guy, but he avoided confrontation like the…
If you argue in front of your kids, in a way that respects each other and eventually comes to a fair and agreeable result, then your kid will learn valuable conflict resolution skills. On the other hand, if you shout at each other in front of the kids until one of you throws their hands in the air and stomps off, and nothing is resolved and everyone is angry, then your kid will only learn the fine art of temper tantr…
I wish I could join this comment and the parent comment at the hip. It is exactly right that your kids learn how to resolve conflicts by the way their parents resolve conflicts. This is one of the benefits of not living in a single parent household.
I liked the list in the article, it summarizes to communicate authentically. But it took me probably the first 15 years of my marriage before I understood the ramifications of that.
Re: How I Blew My Marriage
#25I found this a curiously cold, superficial approach to loving another person. A relationship isn't a software program, or a car. You can't apply discrete rules, algorithms or workflows and assume it'll stay in tip-top condition. You can't debug it, either. Not in a discretely logical way. This other person who is your more-than-equal, who still gives you butterflies, and who you respect so much that you've entered in…
There is something that your argument misses, I think.
We like to think that our actions follow our emotions. The reasoning goes that if I am making intentional effort to do something that I do not necessarily feel like doing, I am just doing something artificial, and am therefore a hypocrite.
However, one's emotions also follow their actions. If I have to make an effort to choose to act like I am in love, I will feel love from making the effort. I am training my emotions to follow my actions. And then, before long, I am feeling the emotion behind doing the thing that I do. What was first artificial becomes genuine.
It is like teaching your children to say please, thank you, and I'm sorry. Do they actually feel these things when they say them? Not at first. But by ingraining the action, you instill the emotion. I speak from experience. I have six children.
Re: How I Blew My Marriage
#26/r/midlyinteresting is that way.
Re: How I Blew My Marriage
#27Never argue in front of the kids You know, I have some experience with this. I had a friend in college that had parents that never once argued in front of him. Not once. This guy was completely unable to resolve any conflicts. You know what? People learn conflict resolution by watching others, and that goes for kids. To give more details about my friend, he was a really nice guy, but he avoided confrontation like the…
If you argue in front of your kids, in a way that respects each other and eventually comes to a fair and agreeable result, then your kid will learn valuable conflict resolution skills. On the other hand, if you shout at each other in front of the kids until one of you throws their hands in the air and stomps off, and nothing is resolved and everyone is angry, then your kid will only learn the fine art of temper tantr…
My parents argued badly, as well. Sometimes, not always, you can learn from watching someone do something badly. I like to think I didn't (and don't) make the same mistakes my parents made.
Also, this sort of stuff is exactly why I am absolutely terrified of having kids.
I'm not sure how old you are, but I had the same feeling when I was in my 20's. I gradually lost it, because I realized over time that kids are pretty resilient and it's not that hard to do the right thing. I don't regret it at all.
Re: How I Blew My Marriage
#28[deleted]
Re: How I Blew My Marriage
#29Never argue in front of the kids You know, I have some experience with this. I had a friend in college that had parents that never once argued in front of him. Not once. This guy was completely unable to resolve any conflicts. You know what? People learn conflict resolution by watching others, and that goes for kids. To give more details about my friend, he was a really nice guy, but he avoided confrontation like the…
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Re: How I Blew My Marriage
#30Never argue in front of the kids You know, I have some experience with this. I had a friend in college that had parents that never once argued in front of him. Not once. This guy was completely unable to resolve any conflicts. You know what? People learn conflict resolution by watching others, and that goes for kids. To give more details about my friend, he was a really nice guy, but he avoided confrontation like the…
Well that went downhill rather quickly. That really sucks for your friend, but do you really think this would apply in every situation? On the opposite side of this you also find people having some social issues as well. Finding the happy "medium" is anyones guess.