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This essay was in part an inspiration for my (much more upbeat) essay which was on here yesterday https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=46452763 , and I linked it at the end, but I thought it deserved a submission on its own.
While I understand and empathize with what this article is getting at ("If you intend to have children, but you don’t intend to have them just yet, you are not banking extra years as a person who is still too young to have children. You are subtracting years from the time you will share the world with your children."), I strongly disagree. I think people should have kids when they are ready. Make an assessment to the…
Having kids in a later stage has a lot of advantages. You (hopefully) saved more. You are more mature and informed. You know how to save for your children from day one and what to teach them.
But the thing about time is true and doubly so when it comes to grandparents. First of all if you live around your family and they can help out, it's an invaluable rock to lean on, and of course if you waited the grandparents are going to be too old to really help. But what's worse, is your kids will probably know them for a very short time if they even remember them when they grow up.
The thing about "being ready" is nonsense because you can't be ready. You don't understand what a massive gift and blessing it is to have children, and also how everything changes. You can't be ready because you just can't understand it before it happens. So waiting for the perfect time is useless. If you know want children at some point, just do it.
Some previous discussion:
I have super-bad genetics. Not so bad that I have an entirely terrible life, but bad enough that I wouldn't wish them on a child. I know they would hate me, since I am aware of how bad my genetics are. People who have children think having children is the right choice, generally. They have to, to find meaning in all of the work of having and raising a child. That's understandable. But it is by no means the right choi…
Agreed with that. I couldn't even tell you the names of any of my great grandparents, much less anything above.
> Did we choose the age at which we would have children? What does it mean to choose? we planned to have a kid by our early thirties. she specifically wanted one by 30. we were both healthy, financially stable with solid careers. then came multiple miscarriages, 10 years of background/foreground stress, and IVF. now we finally have two healthy ones. i think daily about those 10 years we've lost to spend with our kids…
With our(northern Europe) crashing fertility rate there's now also discussions about adding on "when the woman is 25 this happens and you're this likely to get pregnant, at 30 it's like this...", just so that people can plan and try for the family they want. If one wants 3 kids and don't want IVF you should apparently start around when the woman is 25-28 or something like that?
But who's financially secure at 25?
While I understand and empathize with what this article is getting at ("If you intend to have children, but you don’t intend to have them just yet, you are not banking extra years as a person who is still too young to have children. You are subtracting years from the time you will share the world with your children."), I strongly disagree. I think people should have kids when they are ready. Make an assessment to the…
I think most great parents didn't feel ready, and in some sense not feeling ready is evidence of the kind of conscientiousness that makes you a great parent. I think it is a valuable service to push people who want kids but aren't sure when to have them to have them earlier than they otherwise would. You never know how difficult it will be for you until you start trying.
It also what you want to optimize for. I would prefer to have hordes of good parents that just only dozens of great one in society. We most likely can also say: "Most worst parents didn't feel ready"
> Did we choose the age at which we would have children? What does it mean to choose? we planned to have a kid by our early thirties. she specifically wanted one by 30. we were both healthy, financially stable with solid careers. then came multiple miscarriages, 10 years of background/foreground stress, and IVF. now we finally have two healthy ones. i think daily about those 10 years we've lost to spend with our kids…
For decades the discussion in schools have been around "this is how you avoid unwanted pregnancy", safe sex and all of that. With our(northern Europe) crashing fertility rate there's now also discussions about adding on "when the woman is 25 this happens and you're this likely to get pregnant, at 30 it's like this...", just so that people can plan and try for the family they want. If one wants 3 kids and don't want I…
Those backed up by their government?