Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Why Marriage Is Increasingly for the Affluent

wsj.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

21–30 of 31 posts

Re: Why Marriage Is Increasingly for the Affluent

#21

Post by trymas »

floxy wrote: post #7
blinded wrote: post #2

Part of the issue is that the wedding market it just outrageous. The average cost of a wedding or attending one is out of control. The industry has done a good job marketing it. Social media "keeping up with the joneses" or comparisons is not helping either. It adds yet another piece of pressure so I'm not surprised that less people are jumping head first into it.

>cost of... ...attending one is out of control What costs are associated with attending a wedding?

If we’re talking “classic” wedding (venue, hotels, catering, bachelorette/bachelor parties, etc)…

What other commenter said, plus covering bachelorette/bachelor parties (groom and bride don’t pay). Wedding gifts. Where I am from and you’re being accommodated- it’s kind of expected (and part of etiquette) to include cash with your gift to try to cover hotel and dining costs for yourself.

Re: Why Marriage Is Increasingly for the Affluent

#22

Post by vrighter »

al_borland wrote: post #6
billy99k wrote: post #3

"The economic contract of marriage has shifted, and now young people are looking for financial stability before the wedding" This is just an excuse. Nobody ever had financial stability before a wedding in the past. Everyone I know had parents and grandparents that were dirt poor when they got married (including my own). I've been hearing about financial woes since 2000. I remember in 2005, people were complaining abo…

I have a feeling a lot of people are comparing where their parents ended to where they are starting, which isn’t a fair comparison. They should probably talk to their parents about what it was actually like. When my parents got their first apartment it didn’t even have a shower. They had to take baths and use a mug to fill it with water and wash their hair. People also just love looking at averages for salary and hom…

they built their own house for €25k. And only my dad worked.

I bought a much smaller place for over €200k. Both me and my girl (need to) have full time jobs.

There is a big difference between where they started vs where I did. I will never get to where they started from

Re: Why Marriage Is Increasingly for the Affluent

#23

Post by Bukhmanizer »

al_borland wrote: post #6
billy99k wrote: post #3

"The economic contract of marriage has shifted, and now young people are looking for financial stability before the wedding" This is just an excuse. Nobody ever had financial stability before a wedding in the past. Everyone I know had parents and grandparents that were dirt poor when they got married (including my own). I've been hearing about financial woes since 2000. I remember in 2005, people were complaining abo…

I have a feeling a lot of people are comparing where their parents ended to where they are starting, which isn’t a fair comparison. They should probably talk to their parents about what it was actually like. When my parents got their first apartment it didn’t even have a shower. They had to take baths and use a mug to fill it with water and wash their hair. People also just love looking at averages for salary and hom…

> They had to take baths and use a mug to fill it with water and wash their hair.

Gasp surely not baths, however did they live?

> fiber internet and he tried to tell me I need it to keep up with the Jones’

You think the kids today can’t afford houses and families because they’re buying too much fiber internet.. and bragging about it?

You just sound horribly out of touch and given your anecdotes don’t know what poverty or hardship was back in the day or is today.

Re: Why Marriage Is Increasingly for the Affluent

#24

Post by ChrisRR »

floxy wrote: post #7
blinded wrote: post #2

Part of the issue is that the wedding market it just outrageous. The average cost of a wedding or attending one is out of control. The industry has done a good job marketing it. Social media "keeping up with the joneses" or comparisons is not helping either. It adds yet another piece of pressure so I'm not surprised that less people are jumping head first into it.

>cost of... ...attending one is out of control What costs are associated with attending a wedding?

Clothes, accommodation, gifts, alcohol, stag dos

Re: Why Marriage Is Increasingly for the Affluent

#25

Post by ChrisRR »

billy99k wrote: post #3

"The economic contract of marriage has shifted, and now young people are looking for financial stability before the wedding" This is just an excuse. Nobody ever had financial stability before a wedding in the past. Everyone I know had parents and grandparents that were dirt poor when they got married (including my own). I've been hearing about financial woes since 2000. I remember in 2005, people were complaining abo…

Financial stability wasn't so important when you could easily get a mortgage with no deposit

Re: Why Marriage Is Increasingly for the Affluent

#26

Post by billy99k »

toomuchtodo wrote: post #8
al_borland wrote: post #6

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I have a feeling a lot of people are comparing where their parents ended to where they are starting, which isn’t a fair comparison. They should probably talk to their parents about what it was actually like. When my parents got their first apartment it didn’t even have a shower. They had to take baths and use a mug to fill it with water and wash their hair. People also just love looking at averages for salary and hom…

~40-50% of first marriages end before death in divorce (the number rises for second and third marriages). Prenuptials are important so when the marriage ends, it ends financially amicably and both parties can go on their own ways without much economic impact. Contracts are made during good times for when there is conflict to resolve. Married almost 20 years myself, I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone, even though we ar…

"Married almost 20 years myself, I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone, even though we are very happy together. There is just too much risk, most of your outcome is luck. I was lucky, as are others whose marriage lasts until death, but many are not. Date, love, explore, connect, enjoy lengths of a shared timeline together, but don’t get married. It’s a potentially unnecessary property and tax optimization agreement."

I've been married for 15 years myself. Like most things, luck comes to the prepared. When you are dating someone, you can tell within a year or two if you will be compatible in the long term.

Everyone in my friend group has been married for 10 years+ with no hints of divorce. We were all unmarried when we met. I don't think this is luck.

"(the poly people I know use LLCs to manage shared property ownership and operating agreements, which seems to work without much issue, power of attorney and other legal instruments are available for medical directives, authority, and access between partners)"

The poly people I know are always moving from one complete mess to another in terms of mental/emotional states. You aren't recommending marriage, but think a 'poly' relationship is any better?

Re: Why Marriage Is Increasingly for the Affluent

#27

Post by billy99k »

Bukhmanizer wrote: post #23
al_borland wrote: post #6

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I have a feeling a lot of people are comparing where their parents ended to where they are starting, which isn’t a fair comparison. They should probably talk to their parents about what it was actually like. When my parents got their first apartment it didn’t even have a shower. They had to take baths and use a mug to fill it with water and wash their hair. People also just love looking at averages for salary and hom…

> They had to take baths and use a mug to fill it with water and wash their hair. Gasp surely not baths, however did they live? > fiber internet and he tried to tell me I need it to keep up with the Jones’ You think the kids today can’t afford houses and families because they’re buying too much fiber internet.. and bragging about it? You just sound horribly out of touch and given your anecdotes don’t know what povert…

"You think the kids today can’t afford houses and families because they’re buying too much fiber internet.. and bragging about it?"

Small things add up. When you buy the latest phone, best Internet connection, booze, weed, latest video game, and online subscriptions, You certainly can't save for a house. Many of the younger generation are really in an extended state of childhood.

I'm not even close to a boomer, and sacrificed all of these things to save for a house/my future. While I was doing this, friends I knew had the latest phone, went partying every weekend, and spent money on their hobbies.

Guess who can't afford a house now?

"You just sound horribly out of touch and given your anecdotes don’t know what poverty or hardship was back in the day or is today."

It sounds like you don't either.

Re: Why Marriage Is Increasingly for the Affluent

#28

Post by billy99k »

brailsafe wrote: post #18
billy99k wrote: post #3

"The economic contract of marriage has shifted, and now young people are looking for financial stability before the wedding" This is just an excuse. Nobody ever had financial stability before a wedding in the past. Everyone I know had parents and grandparents that were dirt poor when they got married (including my own). I've been hearing about financial woes since 2000. I remember in 2005, people were complaining abo…

Tbh this just seems like a classic "my anecdote disputes the reality for many" without seemingly any qualifiers or nuance. Nobody ever said it was impossible to buy a house in general in any geography with a sufficient salary and ability to service any amount of debt. In the city I live in, the ratio between median income and cost of any home was wildly, comically more favorable for boomers, to the point where if you…

"L6+ engineer at booming tech company to pull it off,"

You sound like you live in California. Many that live here voted for the strict regulations on everything and social programs that have no led to insane taxes and minimum home costs of $1,000,000.

This starts to look like socialism where you end up with two economic classes: rich and poor.

"Many people now look at the decisions of their parents during whatever time it was, including with houses, and think "well this is what mom and dad did, and they're both broke and divorced now, so maybe lets not do that this time""

I suppose when two parents make bad life decisions, this is what your model is in life.

Re: Why Marriage Is Increasingly for the Affluent

#29

Post by al_borland »

Bukhmanizer wrote: post #23
al_borland wrote: post #6

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I have a feeling a lot of people are comparing where their parents ended to where they are starting, which isn’t a fair comparison. They should probably talk to their parents about what it was actually like. When my parents got their first apartment it didn’t even have a shower. They had to take baths and use a mug to fill it with water and wash their hair. People also just love looking at averages for salary and hom…

> They had to take baths and use a mug to fill it with water and wash their hair. Gasp surely not baths, however did they live? > fiber internet and he tried to tell me I need it to keep up with the Jones’ You think the kids today can’t afford houses and families because they’re buying too much fiber internet.. and bragging about it? You just sound horribly out of touch and given your anecdotes don’t know what povert…

I wasn’t mentioning fiber internet as a reason people couldn’t afford a house. I mentioned it as a recent example I personally ran into, where keeping up with the Joneses was explicitly given to me as a selling point, and I found it ridiculous. If people are worried about this on something as trivial as internet speed, it’s going to carry through to where they live, the car they drive, the clothes they wear, etc.

Re: Why Marriage Is Increasingly for the Affluent

#30

Post by DengistKhan »

sandspar wrote: post #19

Saw a friend's recent wedding video. It appears she hired a professional documentary film crew? Like there were multiple angles of the same events, Hollywood level production values etc. It also seemed like she went down a checklist of "What to do in your wedding": the newlywed's funny walkout dance, throwing the bouquet, coastal scenery in the background. The effect was to smack you over the head with "either her or…

> family is rich

Or they took out a 60k to 200k loan for a party

Post reply on HN