Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

The Friendship Recession: The lost art of connecting

happiness.hks.harvard.edu

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

21–30 of 469 posts

Re: The Friendship Recession: The lost art of connecting

#21

Post by lucidguppy »

1. People have lower tolerance for jerks.

2. A few bad apples can spoil a group.

3. Maintaining a group is a thankless job.

4. Third places are money making establishments now rather than community focused. So people save up to go to the ones that they'll remember. So there's competing money for these attractions, and the experience undergoes enshitification.

Solutions?

- lower the cost of community space so more people can enjoy them.

- social etiquette needs be enforced through culture. Conformity has its benefits. We don't need planes to land because Johnny had too much to drink.

Re: The Friendship Recession: The lost art of connecting

#22

Post by intended »

> Neuroscience helps us make sense of these findings. Research shows that hearing a familiar voice reduces cortisol and boosts oxytocin—hormones tied to stress relief and bonding—while text-based communication and video calls fail to trigger the same response .

this… feels a bit off. I would have to look at that article to see what they are saying.

Re: The Friendship Recession: The lost art of connecting

#23

Post by mindwok »

Almost across the board in western countries, people have less friends, weaker friendships, and there’s less dating, sex, and marriage happening.

IMO this is the biggest challenge ahead of us. What’s the point of all this amazing life enhancing technology if we’re lonely, sad, and severed from our tribes.

Re: The Friendship Recession: The lost art of connecting

#24

Post by immibis »

sltr wrote: post #4

> online friendships require a different set of social behaviors than in-person ones Yeah. In real life there's no karma value next to your name and no string of reactions next to every statement you utter. Imagine a VR-based dystopia which displayed such information to everyone you encounter.

The Orville had an episode about that.

Re: The Friendship Recession: The lost art of connecting

#25

Post by sltr »

dm03514 wrote: post #16

For the us, I feel like it’s late stage individualism. This is what happens I think when people prioritize themselves over their communities, I think we have less dependence on our communities than ever thanks to the internet and being able to physically avoid community. We have less interaction than before. We can order grocery pickup and not even have to be physically around people for basic life tasks. We order ne…

> it requires a lot of energy to form adult friendships

My experience corroborates this. Reminded me of https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=43473618

Re: The Friendship Recession: The lost art of connecting

#26

Post by phalangion »

bilsbie wrote: post #5

It’s crazy out there for a 40yo. One thing I’m considering is that maybe it’s ok if friends don’t reciprocate. I think some people just have to be the inviters or relationships fall apart.

> I think some people just have to be the inviters or relationships fall apart.

As annoying as it is, this is definitely true. I've only recently become an inviter, and it's made all the difference. It helps to recognize that not everybody is an inviter/organizer.

Re: The Friendship Recession: The lost art of connecting

#27

Post by intended »

socalgal2 wrote: post #13

> that those who engaged in face-to-face interactions at least once a week experienced better physical and mental well-being, whereas communication through calls or texts did not have the same effect. Neuroscience helps us make sense of these findings. Research shows that hearing a familiar voice reduces cortisol and boosts oxytocin—hormones tied to stress relief and bonding—while text-based communication and video c…

Also From the article:

> It’s often said that if you ask an American what they do, they’ll tell you about their job, whereas a European might talk about their hobbies or passions. Data backs this up;

> But the role of work in shaping identity and social life in the United States has perhaps never been stronger. For example, 77% of Americans work more than 40 hours per week, and few take their full paid leave.

I guess people aren’t making friends at work the way they thought they were?

Re: The Friendship Recession: The lost art of connecting

#28

Post by dazzawazza »

I love heavy metal. So I go to metal pubs. I meet people, we talk and listen to each other. I've been talking to the same people for 30+ years but I meet new people EVERY time I venture out. I may see them again, I may not. Who cares?

We lend PHYSICAL copies of albums, video games and books to one another. This increases trust, knowledge and love for one another. We share stories about all sorts of things. We create stories by doing things together.

This is how friendships are formed and maintained. This is humanity. This is who we are and how we behave.

Poverty is the digital world.

See you out there!

Re: The Friendship Recession: The lost art of connecting

#29

Post by intended »

haswell wrote: post #10
MattGaiser wrote: post #2

> The government slowed down its investment in and construction of third spaces—such as community centers, parks, and coffee shops—which has left fewer places for organic social interactions. My anecdotal impression is that people don't really use those that are available very much and the drop in investment is because of that. I have organized a few events in community halls over the past few years and I have been s…

I think this is less about demand, and more about habits. I’ve personally become aware of the fact that I need more social contact. I want to attend events, but never really built the habit of organizing. My ex was always the social instigator, and I didn’t realize how much I relied on that (we were together for most of my adult life). The more people I talk to about this, the more I hear them lamenting the lack of i…

Junk food is the example I use for much of social media.

Re: The Friendship Recession: The lost art of connecting

#30

Post by BruceEel »

tycho-newman wrote: post #12

It's not lost, just no longer necessary for survival. Also, bad communities fail. They should be allowed to fail. Until recently, individuals needed to be part of some sort of kinship group to get their needs met and to survive. To communicate with anyone in near real time you had to be close by. We have managed to engineer a society where individuals can survive "on their own" - basically outside their kinship group…

> Also, bad communities fail. They should be allowed to fail.

Are there circumstances under which nation states could/should be seen as 'communities', I wonder. And, what would be some sensible ways of detecting and handling failure at such scale.

Post reply on HN