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US friendship is in freefall – shredding bonds and cutting lives short

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Re: US friendship is in freefall – shredding bonds and cutting lives short

#21

Post by KittenInABox »

darth_avocado wrote: post #6
KittenInABox wrote: post #2

--I cut a misinterpretation here.-- > We’ve long pondered why the marriage rate, and the corresponding birth rate, has plummeted in America. Answers often focus on financial stressors: Young Americans can’t afford a home like their parents could at their age, some speculate; others blame limited parental leave or poor day-care options. > Perhaps — but the corresponding slump in close friendships doesn’t add up. Peopl…

The article may be a bunch of slop but there is something deeply cultural in the US that is contributing to this. Not being able to afford things or social media or pretty much anything that gets the blame for the “loneliness pandemic” isn’t unique to the US. My personal experience has been that the same individualistic culture that allows people to do whatever they want and become whoever they want, that yields grea…

> Not being able to afford things or social media or pretty much anything that gets the blame for the “loneliness pandemic” isn’t unique to the US.

No, I think not being able to afford things contributing to a loneliness pandemic is also visible in other cultures where people are expected to work a ton for not enough money like South Korea.

Re: US friendship is in freefall – shredding bonds and cutting lives short

#22

Post by kelseyfrog »

It's easier than ever to make friends. When you switch from a demand mindset to a supply mindset, the opportunities present themselves.

Think of it this way, all those lonely people out there are just waiting for someone to reach out and do something with? It's like shooting fish in a barrel.

I'm able to get out on average 10hrs/week just socializing without much effort by just putting myself out there and making events happen when and how I want them. If there's no existing group that interests you, chances are that if you make what you want, other people will be interested too.

Re: US friendship is in freefall – shredding bonds and cutting lives short

#24

Post by mamidon »

kelseyfrog wrote: post #22

It's easier than ever to make friends. When you switch from a demand mindset to a supply mindset, the opportunities present themselves. Think of it this way, all those lonely people out there are just waiting for someone to reach out and do something with? It's like shooting fish in a barrel. I'm able to get out on average 10hrs/week just socializing without much effort by just putting myself out there and making eve…

100% I've had great success inviting people to dinner parties and such. This works great for people I already know.

I've tried hosting public groups, with partial success. Have you got any ideas there?

I've tried posting events on local Facebook groups, mostly. But my experience is that very few people are actually active online and willing to physically do something.

Re: US friendship is in freefall – shredding bonds and cutting lives short

#25

Post by stevenwoo »

wkat4242 wrote: post #14

I think the extreme political hardlining makes this happen too. I've never been to the US but this extreme-right stuff has made its way to Holland too. They already gained 30% of votes in the last election. Meaning I had to drop a lot of friends. Once they start screaming about "woke" or bitching about trans people they are forever out of my life. At first I used to try to reason with them. I thought sure, it's just…

It is very difficult to deprogram people who fall down the internet conspiracy reinforcement machine. Anecdotally the most recently aired episode of the This American Life podcast has an adult son try to talk with his conspiracy addled father and making a bet about ten of them - the father loses all of them and still refuses to acknowledge the truth. https://www.thisamericanlife.org/854/ten-things-i-dont-want-...

Re: US friendship is in freefall – shredding bonds and cutting lives short

#26

Post by Retric »

KittenInABox wrote: post #18
Retric wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Friendship can also be an economic net positive, it mostly depends on how you’re interacting. Watching each other's kids at home creates extra free time. Having an extra hand and different set of tools when working on home projects is a net gain which means you can be better off while helping each other etc. However, so much of how people spend their free is consumptive that hanging out has become increasingly expens…

> Watching each other's kids at home creates extra free time. Not a thing if no one has free time because everyone has to work. > Having an extra hand and different set of tools when working on home projects is a net gain which means you can be better off while helping each other etc. Again, who has the money to have tools? Who has the money to work on home projects? Have you seen the cost of construction materials l…

Not having any tools is far more expensive because now you’re always paying for labor and parts not just parts.

As to things being more expensive that’s in part an illusion. Things where more affordable in the 1950’s when homes where 1,000sf, there was no cable bill, no cellphones, no internet, and no PC etc and that still represented a far higher standard of living than what came before.

I’m not advocating for giving up modern convince, just recognizing the slow shift from luxury to expected has real costs.

Re: US friendship is in freefall – shredding bonds and cutting lives short

#27

Post by OutOfHere »

"Close friends" is not a good metric anyone. A better metric is the count of token output of personal life. This includes all online chats, including with AI, on apps, and all social sites. I am pretty sure this metric has been trending very high.

Re: US friendship is in freefall – shredding bonds and cutting lives short

#28

Post by catlikesshrimp »

johnnyanmac wrote: post #10

>A nation that lacks interpersonal relationships is a lower-trust society, more prone to crime and unrest. That seems to unfortunately track. No bonds, less to lose by lashing out. A Mexican idiom comes to mind: El Que Tranza, No Avanza ("he who doesn't cheat, doesn't get ahead") So when you dehumanize your fellow man, life is just a rat race and you don't care who you step over to succeed. Not really a nation make.…

"El Que Tranza, No Avanza"

You got the exact opposite of what that means. Unless you forgot to negate Tranza.

"El que NO Tranza, NO avanza"

Source: Native Spanish Speaker.

Re: US friendship is in freefall – shredding bonds and cutting lives short

#29

Post by david38 »

kelseyfrog wrote: post #22

It's easier than ever to make friends. When you switch from a demand mindset to a supply mindset, the opportunities present themselves. Think of it this way, all those lonely people out there are just waiting for someone to reach out and do something with? It's like shooting fish in a barrel. I'm able to get out on average 10hrs/week just socializing without much effort by just putting myself out there and making eve…

It’s not because friendships are largely made from shared suffering.

In a time of further independence, over choice, and tech to hold onto previous friends, making friends who actually will physically meet up with you frequently is definitely harder.

Re: US friendship is in freefall – shredding bonds and cutting lives short

#30

Post by natmaka »

jaxtracks wrote: post #12

I'm really fortunate to be in a very outdoors and offline community that values our personal ties above most things. We spend a lot time playing music around campfires, backpacking in the mountains, and cooking up good food together. We spend the hard times together too. Sometimes you drop everything to go winch a buddy's truck out of the mud, help someone move, or take five hours of your day to go on a hike long eno…

L. Kohr (who was the inspiration of "small is beautiful"), shows how and why it is of paramount importance: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leopold_Kohr#The_Breakdown_of_...
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